Express The Sensual

I was reading an article from my sweet friend Poleskivvies about how posting videos to Youtube has made her suddenly body conscious and feeling the need for therapy. And I felt compelled to plunk my big ass down on the therapy couch right next to her.

Jennifer says…

“God, how I hate telling you this. Why? Because it’s a body image thing. And I’m supposed to be over that. I’m supposed to be all confident in how I look and never have a weak moment about it. Yea, right.”

Now, you all know how much I love my ass.  I talk about it all the time.  How it used to be bigger, and now it’s a bit smaller, but still rather curvy.  And I freaking love how it makes me feel like a real woman.  Sometimes I even wax poetic about it (although I usually keep most of my ass poems to myself).  But I want to share how I feel about my ass (and my body) when I make a video.  The process goes something like this…

[before making the video]
Yeah! I’m going to make a video tonight.  I’m so excited.  I’ve got my camera and lighting set up.  And a new playlist to help me fly around that pole.  Ready, Set, Go!

[while making the video]
I’m dancing and I don’t care if there’s a camera over there.  Fuck that camera.  I don’t have to post this.  This is for me.

[after making the video]
ooh, that felt so awesome. I can’t wait to watch it.  I want to watch it NOW.

[2 seconds after starting to watch the video]
Jeez.  Why didn’t somebody tell me that I suck.  I mean, seriously, look at my butt.  How many freaking biscuits did I have to eat over the holidays to make my ass look so damn huge.  And that invert was awful.  Dammit.  I knew I wasn’t doing enough ab work lately.  I hate my abs!  They look so mushy.  ugh.  I can’t post this shit.  Forget it.  I’m never making another video again.

At this point in the process, I pretty much hate everything I see

I usually roll my eyes, stand up from my desk in a huff, and go take a shower to calm me down and clean off the sweat from (what I thought before I saw the video) was a great pole session.

And then epiphany, self realization, I kill the Buddha

After the shower, I realize that I just spent 2 hours dancing, flying, twirling, and whirling.  That it felt pretty damn good to challenge myself.  That I love being creative, even if it means messing up an old trick because I’m trying to do something new.  And that I’m definitely going to do all that awesome shit again, because I’m totally fucking addicted to playing on a 9 foot tall metal pole. This is when I watch the video a second time.

[after the epiphany]
Hey, I love the way I transitioned from that new spin into an invert.  I want to practice smoothing that out.  Hmm, I might want to add some more lat and shoulder strengthening moves into my workout to help me accomplish that move.  Damn I love how legwarmers make my thighs look thinner.  Ooh, I got a bit racy at the end when I took my tank top off.  I’d rather cut that part and keep it in the private vault.

A bunch of learning happens

Not everything makes it to the videos I post.  In fact, I have (literally) years worth of video that will never, ever, see the light of a computer monitor because I feel self conscious about my body.  But I love the immediate feedback I get when I watch these videos.  I can use these videos to fix things, discover new movements, and decide how to keep moving my pole dancing practice forward.

But I still have doubts and fears.  Doubts I don’t always talk about, fears I don’t always show.

Society says I’m “supposed” to be a strong woman and maintain a positive body image at all times.  But can I really trust such a conflicting message from a society where a supermodel can be fired by Ralph Loren because she isn’t a size 0 and doesn’t fit into their clothes anymore? Where almost every picture, ad, and poster of a woman we see is colorized, fixed, slimmed, and retouched?

The more playful I become in my pole dancing (and my life) the more I realize that every “should,” every “supposed to,” every “rule” society lays on me is total crap. I’ve lately decided to start testing all these “rules,” sometimes tentatively, sometimes ruthlessly.  I keep the ones that fit around my womanly curves and chuck the ones that don’t.

Rules I’m Chucking

1. I have to make myself beautiful everyday, all day long CHUCKED for (Every woman is beautiful and has the right to look like a Raggedy Ann doll if the situation or her sleep schedule calls for it)
2. I have to be a strong, successful, business woman that kicks ass all day long CHUCKED for (Many woman feel the strongest when they recognize & celebrate what some people might define as weaknesses including wanting to be a mother who takes care of a couple of kiddies instead of kicking ass at work. I certainly do.)
3. I must prove that I’m as good as any man CHUCKED for (No woman has to play a man’s game to be phenomenal.  She doesn’t have to prove her womanhood because she already has the cookie.  No baking required)

So, if you’d like to play along, and chuck a few of society’s rules too, then please join Poleskivvies and me on the Therapy Couch by dancing around on video (or maybe just in your living room) and testing your boundaries…

Because, as Jennifer puts it “Feeling ugly is just too damn exhausting.”

To which I’d like to add “Fuck Yeah!”

How do you deal with your own body image? What Rules are you ready to chuck? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

A. asks: I would like to read an article/blog on the proper & various ways to Crawl while doing exotic floor work.

Ah yes, the many and various ways of moving across the dance floor without walking, strutting, or twirling.  Crawling, is so much more than the dictionary definition would imply…

“1 : to move slowly in a prone position without or as if without the use of limbs 2 : to move or progress slowly or laboriously”

Crawling is usually done slowly in a crouched or prone position…  But there is so much raw sensuality inherent in crawling. I feel so powerful while crawling that it’s easy to imagine I’m an animal stalking my prey.  So, I only use it when I have a very specific and appreciative audience.

I’m a major stickler for details when it comes to crawling because I’ve had so many students come to me with knee injuries and shoulder pain from doing it incorrectly.  But we’re going to fix all that right now.  So let’s get into the nitty gritty of the Slinky Crawl…

Get Down On It

First, in order to crawl you have to be down on the floor.  Now, don’t just rush down to the floor. Take a little extra time with this particular transition.  The most often used movement is a variation of the slinky squat, but my personal favorite is a slide.  Slide down the pole, slide down the wall, slide down a chair, slide down your partner (don’t be afraid of a little audience participation, ROWR!)

Simply place your back on the pole/wall/partner and your hands in a supporting position (usually above your head gripping the pole, pushing on the wall, or gently holding onto his neck) so you can control your slide.  Plant one foot on the ground while allowing the other foot to slide in front & away from you.  (If you have knee issues I can help you find a different variation that doesn’t require a deep knee bend like this) Remember, to keep your shoulders away from your ears & your abs tight.

Take an agonizingly slow journey to the floor until your tush hits the ground. This is a perfect chance to spend some time flirting with your audience or yourself.  (BTW, I teach at least four different ways to get to the floor in both my level 1 pole and level 1 exotic dance classes plus a gazillion different variations.  This is just one.)

DoggyStyle

Next, you need to get onto your hands and knees.  Again, there are a million different ways to do this, depending upon your level of flexibility, leg covering (ie slideability), and laziness.  I’m a laaazzzyyy dancer, so I like things that look easy even if they are really fucking hard to do.  And since we’re going to focus on crawling, let’s go with the straightforward technique.

At this point, you should be sitting on your butt with your back on the pole/wall/partner.  Just let your body continue to slide until your head is resting on the floor.  Then luxuriously roll onto your belly. (I teach how to roll over sensually as well, but I don’t want to overwhelm you here)

Now, here’s the tricky bit (Are you paying attention?) Press your hands on either side of your chest and open your knees so your legs loosely form a diamond shape. I.E. your knees will be wider than your hips.  This also means you can feel the floor on the soft flesh on the inner side of your knees but NOT on the knee cap.  (you only get two knee caps, so don’t skip this part!) Now push down with your hands as you let your butt move straight backwards toward your feet.  If you pretend somebody you really like is tugging down & back on your g-string, you’ll do exactly what I mean.

Notice that the majority of your weight is on your calves but your knees do NOT hurt.  That your hands, elbows, and shoulders are in line while the back muscles are relaxed and down.  Plus your stomach muscles are nice and tight.  Viola! Welcome to every man’s favorite position for sex. (ahem! oh, was that too risque?  Really? )

Creep, Slither, Crawl

Finally, let’s take your first slink along the floor.  If you are positioned correctly, you’ll feel how easy it is to rock your body away from your hands toward your butt, BUT (teehee) you start to loose your balance if your head & chest go too far forward past your hands.  You’ll also feel how easy it is shift your weight from one leg to the other leg.  Now shift your weight back AND toward one side.  This makes it easy to lift the opposite leg off the floor and slide it closer towards your hand.  Move that hand forward, shift your weight again and slide your leg again.  Make sure you end up on the inner edge of your knee and not the knee cap. (I really recommend wearing Bella pants for this part until you’ve mastered the rolling and sliding motions.)

Then just repeat, repeat, repeat.  When I use this particular crawl, I feel like I’m rocking my butt and sliding my legs.  My hands just keep my upper body balanced for the next step. And to keep things sexy, I make sure I relax my neck, so my hair hides my face and my head sweeps (slowly and easily) from side to side.

Then, when I’m ready to get closer to my audience, I deliberately look up through my hair and lock eyes.  Even if they can’t see your face, they will get a chill from your sensual power in this moment.

When everything is working right, this crawl feels very strong, but looks very slow.  It’s deliberately lazy. You want your audience to focus on your butt swinging from side to side. (I know I would *wink*) This movement can exude both vulnerability, from your prone position, and a direct sensual power, when executed with confidence.

Allow both the music (I love Esthero for the deep sensual beats) and your personal style to infect each sway of your hips, each shift of your sensuous legs. Focus on how the audience responds to you or on how you respond to your surroundings.

Do your feel supported by the earth…

Do you feel the slowly building heat of holding your limbs close and keeping your head lowered…

Do you feel rushed or lazy, soft or dangerous, exposed or predatory…

When you play with the animal inside you discover the freedom to express your authentic, sensual nature.

Let your boundaries go.

Do you usually crawl when you dance? What other variations do you enjoy? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

D.M. asks: “I have watched (on video) a girl doing amazing floorwork while sitting [where she] can make her butt muscles bounce individually and together in short pulses.  It looks amazing and [I] wonder how it is done?” (Ladies, I WANT to answer your questions about pole dancing, exotic dancing, and sensual living. So send ‘em my way!)

First let me put every BUTT at ease.  If you have an ass, you can booty pop it. Small, big, round, flat, muscular, or wiggly–It doesn’t matter.  As you know, I have strong convictions about the power of your awesome ass.  So don’t even think about using it’s size or shape as an excuse.

Second, let me say that the way I explain, teach, & perform booty popping may be totally different than the way somebody else does it.  I only mention this because I’ve seen woman (strippers, belly dancers, and pole dancers) do things with their body that defy the laws of gravity.  I’m a physicist AND a pole dancer, so my booty popping methods take gravity into account.

A Popping Primer

Step one of booty popping is to first FIND and then RELAX your tush.

Most women hold stress in their derriere, causing it to stay tight and tense all day.   Tensing up your gluteal muscles (that’s the technical term for ass) actually accentuates all the cellulite. (Nooo!) This is not a pretty look.  It’s also impossible to get a good rump jiggle going if your ass cheeks are so tight together that you could crush coal into a diamond.

So, get up (yes, right now) and stand behind your seat, with your hands resting by your sides.  Bend your knees slightly to help relax your fanny, and then poke yourself in the hinter cheeks.  (This is a test. This is only a test… of the emergency tight ass system) It should feel fairly soft. (Poke. Poke) It shouldn’t feel tense or tight. (Poke) If it feels tight, bend slightly at the hips and lean on the top of your chair. This should help release the gluteal muscles even more.

Step two of booty popping is to ASSume the position.

Rest your hands or your forearms on the back of your chair (don’t use a chair that swivels) and tighten your abs slightly (to protect your lower back).  But DON’T tighten your tush.  Then, standing with your feet shoulder width apart, come onto the balls of your feet.  If you need to lean over the chair a little to keep your heiny relaxed and balanced on your tippy toes, do that.  This position places your tushy front and center as well as maintains the perfect balance for long term jiggling.

Step three of booty popping is to think “There’s no place like home.”

Basically, you take a cue from Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and click your heels together.  Keep the quads (front of your thighs) strong and try to pivot on the balls of your feet.  The faster you click your heels the more your booty will pop. You know you’re doing it right if it feels like the sides of your hootenany are vibrating.  (Check out my last video at min 0:56 to see this in action) If you don’t feel the vibration, bend over the chair a bit more and focus on relaxing your buns.

Start with a slow easy beat (Juicy by Better Than Ezra) and a slow shake.  Then try to build your endurance to a faster more sustained vibration (Smack That by Akon & Rump Shaker by Wreckx-n-Effect)

I bet doing that made you giggle like a schoolgirl!  Keep gigglin’– it helps with the jigglin’

Once You Pop, You Can’t Stop

Now, if you want to develop total tookus control, you’ll need to learn how to separate and activate ALL the different gluteal muscles.  I recommend you work with a professional popper or your local belly dance instructor to learn this.  But here’s the quick & dirty version.

• Sit next to a mirror in a relaxed straddle position with your legs straight out to either side.  (Don’t go into the full front splitz unless that’s *very* easy for you)
• Lean forward slightly, placing your hands on the ground in front of you, and using them to support the weight of your torso.
• Looking in the mirror, strongly contract your thighs; inner, outer, and top.  (You should see your ass cheeks lift off the floor, hooray!)
• Roll your pelvis under while contracting your thighs. This will cause your back to arch as if you were trying to hold water on top of your butt. (You should definitely see your ass cheeks lift off the floor alot, hip hip hooray!)
• Keeping your abs strong, repeat the contraction until you can minimize the flexing of your legs and maximum the lifting of your ass. (I like to do this in bed right before I go to sleep. It’s very entertaining for your lover or for your dog, whichever one you’ve got right now.)
• Over time, you’ll be able to isolate each ass cheek and pop them to the beat.

“I want women to be liberated and still be able to have a nice ass and shake it” ~Shirley MacLaine

So whether you prefer to shake your money maker or pop it like it’s hot (thanks Snoop Dog) you must practice, practice, practice!  Just be careful… because that Milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard.

Do you enjoy a good booty bounce now & then? How do you make your cheeks clap? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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