Sep 22 2009

If You Touch my Yoohoo, I’ll Kick Your Cookie

Yannori

Quiver, mantrap, rosebud, jewel, cake, snatch, artichoke, venus mound, sugar basin, clamshell.

How many ways are there to describe the female sex organs? Literally hundreds! I have a whole book filled with awesome dirty words and I promise not to repeat the same one twice.

But why do we feel it’s necessary to hide behind innuendo and misdirection when all we are really trying to say is vagina, labia, clitoris, and vulva.  Shit, I use these words so infrequently that I actually had to look up the correct spelling.  Why does our current culture still pretend that woman are Barbie dolls with big boobs, no hips, and a smooth crease of absolutely nothing between our legs?

I think it’s my fault.

Seriously….I take responsibility for this.

In my past, I have encouraged men to think of my nooky as a snapping turtle that only a highly trained (and well paid) anthropologist is ever going to get near enough to identify.  I perpetrated the falsehood that my hoochie was an illusive and possibly imaginary beast, separate from me, running wild and free in the background of some tampon commercial. But I can assure you, MY YUM YUM IS NOT A SOFT WHITE BUNNY bounding through endless fields of lush green grass swaying in the gentle breeze, under a soothing blue sky!

Then to add insult to this injury, I bought into the falsehood that I needed to retrain this unicorn (read as shy, horny beast) into a flaming POWER PUSSY!

Able to climb tall poles! Soar through the air! And blind men with my pure sexuality!

While still retaining that ridiculous separation between my real self and the sexy stripper minx that could only emerge from my honeypot when I stood next to a pole.  What kind of secret identity is that?!


Knock. Knock. Hello? It’s reality at the door and she wants her money back.

If you really believe that you and your yoni are separate but equal, do yourself a favor and stop drinking the Kool aide. Your diddle is not a carnival that only comes in to town when the moon is full. It’s always with you and more importantly, it’s a part of you. It’s not a disembodied piece of flesh floating around in space.  You decide whether it gathers dust on a shelf or has three shows nightly.  And you don’t need a pole to put on a show… or to express your inherent sensuality.

In fact, you don’t need to do anything at all.  SURPRISE! If you are a real woman (and since you’ve read this far, I’m willing to bet that you are) then trying to hide your feminine sexuality is a complete waste of time. You can’t have a gold encrusted phantom penis no matter how hard you try to grow one.  You’re not fooling anyone and it’s kind of painful to watchSo STOP!

Remember, Barbie dolls and their unmarked plastic crotches are for make believe. Plus, they already sell fleshlights online, so don’t bother trying to hide your sexuality in your pocket. It’s just going to wriggle out at the worst (or best) possible moment anyway.

Embody and enjoy your feminine power. Share you understanding and compassion with your sisters and friends. Teach the men in your life and in “polite” society  that your beautiful shiny box is nothing to be afraid of.  It’s where we keep all the fun stuff.

One in the hand is worth two in the bush

OR


Get your mind out of the gutter, it’s blocking my view.

Whats your favorite slang word for alpha and omega? How do you integrate your sexuality into your personality? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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Jun 16 2009

Don’t Apologize for Pole Dancing

Yannori

I don’t apologize for pole dancing.  I don’t apologize for drinking green tea or choosing to eat sushi instead of a hamburger.  I don’t apologize for enjoying R rated movies or doing the splits at the gym.  I definitely don’t apologize for enjoying sex as often as I feel like it either.  So if the world thinks I’m going to apologize for dancing around my living room with a shiny metal pole while wearing a bikini top and an itty bitty teeny tiny skirt…. Then the world should think again.

I’m not stopping.  Not tonight, not next year, not next month or ever.  In fact, I’ve made it my personal mission to use pole and exotic dancing to teach other woman how phenomenally beautiful and SEXY they already are. But the truth is that pole dancing is just the medium.  Every woman is amazing before I teach her a single twirl…before they take their first spin around the pole…before their hips ever move in the smallest of circles.

Every woman has an inherent sensual power. She carries it with her everywhere.  Ready to be unleashed in the kitchen, the boardroom or the bedroom.  It’s her choice.

What pisses me off, is that sometimes we as woman forget we’ve got it.  The cookie. The thing that makes our lovers stand up and beg for buttermilk.  I’m not sure when or where we stopped feeling that sensual animal inside, but I do know that if you don’t feel it, you’ve got to find it.  You’ve got to get the animal back.  She’s the source of your power and she’s sitting in the shadows asking what in the hell you’re waiting for…..

I can’t tell you exactly where she is, but I can tell you where she isn’t.  She isn’t at the top of the corporate ladder pretending to be a man at the head of the table.  I don’t mean you shouldn’t KICK-ASS at work.  And I definitely don’t mean you shouldn’t lead.  You should KICK-ASS at work, you can KICK-ASS at work, and you probably do KICK-ASS at work.  But not by trying to be “as good as a man.”  You already are an amazing woman, so why bother trying to be “a man.” I may never meet you and yet, I know this as ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

Have you ever noticed how exhausted you get trying to “beat men at their own game.” Yes, I know you can do it, but personally, I’ve found that playing the game like a man wears me down faster than the other guys.  They wake up at 6am ready to go (or is that just morning wood?) and I get more and more tired.

The problem isn’t that we are too weak, or too feminine, or too fragile because we are women.  The problem is that it’s just not our damn game. That game is meant to be played with a penis and, I don’t know about you, but I just don’t have one of those, nor do I want one. So, tomorrow, when you wake up, instead of getting ready to play their game one more fucking time, make the decision to change the rules.

Listen to your instincts, listen to your heart, and stop asking permission to be sexy.  Wear skirts if you’ve got great legs.  Wear pants if you’ve got a great butt.  Sway your hips ever so slightly when you walk.  Smile with the knowledge that you’ve got something the men around you don’t have, can’t have, and want BADLY.  Don’t apologize for loving the way you love, for caring the way you care, or for having hips, tits and an ass. Because I guarantee the men around you won’t ever apologize for having a penis.

Practice walking the halls at work (or the grocery store), turning your sensual power on and off, on and off.  Notice how people will start to watch you, open the door for you, give up their seat at the conference table for you.  I’m not telling you to flirt shamelessly (unless that’s what YOUR sensual animal wants).  I’m telling you to let the power of being a woman flow through you.

Remember, your body is made for creation– a beautiful expression of the living breathing world around you. The moment you accept that power and the responsibility that goes with it, you will feel that sensual ebb and flow…. You will BE that sensual ebb and flow. And the people around you, both men and woman, will respond.   They will respect you more for being a woman who enjoys being a woman. Men will feel more alive and be more authentic with you.  Other woman will be more connected to you.  It won’t be an instant utopia, but it will be a deeper alignment between you and the life you want to live.

So whatever you do, don’t apologize for being soft, for being sensual, for sometimes needing to cry for no reason at all. Don’t apologize for having an opinion or doing something different than everybody else.  Don’t apologize for playing like a woman, for starting up a new game, with new rules…. Especially if you are winning!

And don’t EVER apologize for pole dancing.

How do you express your sensual feminine self? When do you feel the most connected with the world? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!