Express The Sensual

photo by VDFmotion

Lapdancing, it’s the mysterious private show that happens [booming announcer voice] BEHIND THE WALL in the VIP strip club.  It’s also one of my absolute favorite types of exotic dance.

I’m going to share my secret weapons with you that can help you give a tantalizing, mesmerizing, sensual lapdance.  But first, I want to demystify a few things.  Because giving a great lapdance isn’t as much about a following a set of rules as it is about making the choices that turn you and your partner on.

Lapdancing does not require a special chair

Lazyboy or a recliner; arms or no arms; chair, couch, or bed.  It really doesn’t matter what kind of seating arrangement you choose as long as it’s sturdy enough to hold the weight of two people.  The key point here is that lapdancing requires a LAP and that’s all. (Just check the name if you are fuzzy on this one)

Lapdancing does not require special clothes

You choose how much skin to bare.  You choose when to bare it (or not to bare it at all.) You choose something that makes YOU feel both comfortable and sexy (I said both and I meant both) Do NOT wear a sexy mini-dress and sparkly black knee-high boots unless YOU love them. (and I do)

Lapdancing does not require your corporate weapons, electronic gadgets, or medieval swords & daggers.

Don’t put your BlackBerry on stun–Turn it OFF! (No it’s NOT a good makeshift vibrator) Leave everything in the kitchen that doesn’t accentuate your sensual nature.  Because anything that might take away from you, is just an annoying distraction. YOU are the main event.

Choose a Damn HOT Song

Pick a song that makes your body move. Something that gives you chills and drops you into a luscious state of sensual expression.  Use music that makes your mind and body tingle with excitement. And as long as your partner doesn’t find the song annoying, you can bet he’ll be tingling too.

I like it by Moby Choke me, spank me, pull my hair by Xzbit

Choose a Playful OR KickAss Attitude

I say OR because this is your show.  If you feel sweet and cute and giggly, then be the nice MaryAnn that makes your man ache to brush the hair from your face.  If you feel strong and sexual and powerful, then be the naughty Ginger that brings all the boys to the yard. Just remember that your partner is a companion not your opponent.  Your first lapdance is probably not the time to act out any tie-him-up, tie-him-down fantasies (not without his permission anyway).

Choose a LAP willing to play your game

Communicate everything you need to ensure this dance is fun for both of you. For example, if you don’t want to be touched, ask your partner to sit on his hands.  If you want him to stay quiet, let him know that you’ll only respond to the words “mmm” and “oohhh” for the duration of the dance.  Remember, you WANT to turn him on, so don’t be so strict that you cut off his passion (no beheadings, please!)

So, with all those choices, what’s the magic key to unlock his desires and make a man beg for buttermilk (uh, I mean ask for another lapdance)…

The secret is to Tease him to the edge with the Promise of Desire and (perhaps) the Passion of Fullfillment.

Build excitement with titillation.  Provoke him with sensation and your determination to almost touch.  Almost touch his lips, almost touch his neck, almost touch his inner thigh.  This lapdance is about making your own choices, accepting your own power, and using it to build a deeper connection with your partner.  It’s personal.  It’s private. And it’s sexual.

It’s as easy as 1-2-3-4

1.  Slide up to the LAP
Whether you walk or crawl, sinuously find your way to his lap.  Take your time.  Meander.  There’s no rush when your focus is the tease.  Once you get there, nudge (not shove) his legs open by sliding your knee between his knees and then step into the gap.

2.  Warm up to the LAP
Use slow, luxurious Hurricane Hips or your favorite pelvic circles to get both of you in the mood.  Throw in some booty popping for good measure (using his legs to substitute for a chair back) and taunt him with a Just Missed Kiss.

Just Missed Kiss – drop your eyes to his lips and act like you are going to kiss him. Get so close to his lips that he can feel your soft breath and then, just miss. Divert your lips to one side and slide your cheek along his face. (Oops, better luck next time. Teehee)

3.  Change the view
Turning around while maintaing your hypnotic movement can be a bit tricky, especially if you are wearing a sexy pair of 6 in heels.  Ignore the temptation to throw one leg over his head.  Knocking his block off will seriously fuck up the mood (and you promised you wouldn’t behead him, remember) Instead try an Ocho or a Model Turn.

Ocho – cross your right foot over you left and slowly pivot on the balls of your feet. Let your right hip draw a semicircle until your tushy is directly in front of his face. (location, location, location!) Model Turn - shifting your weight from right foot to left foot while rotating your body 1/4 turn until you are facing away from him. To keep him mesmerized, continue rolling and circling your hips as you turn. (aahh, Houdini would be proud and asking for an encore)

4. Melt into the LAP
Being careful of his dangly bits, sit (yep, sit) directly onto his thighs.  Please, PLEASE, DONT HOVER. (your partner isn’t a public toilet) Lean back into him, giving him both the sensation of warmth from your body and the view of your lovely curves.  Now it’s time for the Shiver Giver.

Shiver Giver – Run your fingertips up his legs (outside for nice girls or inside for naughty girls), his arms, or along his neckline using a the tips of your fingers and a soft side to side motion. As if you were drawing a wave of pleasure on his skin. Instead of thinking “she’s touching me,” he’ll be thinking “Oh God, I hope she touches me there.”

At this point, you’re on your own.  I’m sure it’ll all end with a bang.  (oh my gosh, did I just say that? — Yes, yes I did)

Have you ever given a lapdance, why or why not?  What’s your favorite lapdancing outfit? Share your ideas in the comment section!

Did you read pt 1 of this series?… Find your perfect LAP here!

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How long can you DO IT? How long can you GO AT IT before your luscious energy starts to wane? How long before you cry out for breath or have to stop and rest?  How long does it take before your arms and legs start to shake from exertion?  Really?  I’m talking about GOING AT IT without resting, without stopping and starting again. Just one long continuous SENSUAL EXPERIENCE?

10 minutes? 20 minutes? An hour? (WOW!)

In order to have a truly amazing experience every time, I think it’s essential to really develop your stamina. In fact, I think stamina is just as important as your technique and your transitions. (You did know that I’m talking about POLE DANCING, right?) So at the end of almost every warmup, I include some extra songs specifically for this purpose.

I throw off my warmup pants (or strip them off if I’m in the mood) and let my sensual spirit fill the dance floor.  I don’t stop moving until my body feels warm, grounded, and excited about developing a new technique, trying out a new combination, or just building my strength in an advanced trick. It’s a great way to make sure you start every training session with gratitude and joy.

To try it, first you have to pick two songs that entice you to MOVE, twirl, swirl, float and fly!

Then, challenge yourself to drag each extension of your arm, slow down each delicious step, exhale through every luscious invert. Make a point to take this chance to dance slowly.   But… DON’T sacrifice your personal style! Just notice when you rushing into the next movement and consciously choose to take your time.  This isn’t about making yourself dance agonizingly slow (unless that’s your style).  It’s about giving yourself the chance to expand and take ownership of both your dance time and your dance space.

Once you can dance for two whole songs, try to extend it to three.  I promise you’ll love your new found stamina (in more places than just the dance floor)!

Do you prefer long or short dancing sessions? How do use pole dancing to develop stamina & cardio? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!

Quiver, mantrap, rosebud, jewel, cake, snatch, artichoke, venus mound, sugar basin, clamshell.

How many ways are there to describe the female sex organs? Literally hundreds! I have a whole book filled with awesome dirty words and I promise not to repeat the same one twice.

But why do we feel it’s necessary to hide behind innuendo and misdirection when all we are really trying to say is vagina, labia, clitoris, and vulva.  Shit, I use these words so infrequently that I actually had to look up the correct spelling.  Why does our current culture still pretend that woman are Barbie dolls with big boobs, no hips, and a smooth crease of absolutely nothing between our legs?

I think it’s my fault.

Seriously….I take responsibility for this.

In my past, I have encouraged men to think of my nooky as a snapping turtle that only a highly trained (and well paid) anthropologist is ever going to get near enough to identify.  I perpetrated the falsehood that my hoochie was an illusive and possibly imaginary beast, separate from me, running wild and free in the background of some tampon commercial. But I can assure you, MY YUM YUM IS NOT A SOFT WHITE BUNNY bounding through endless fields of lush green grass swaying in the gentle breeze, under a soothing blue sky!

Then to add insult to this injury, I bought into the falsehood that I needed to retrain this unicorn (read as shy, horny beast) into a flaming POWER PUSSY!

Able to climb tall poles! Soar through the air! And blind men with my pure sexuality!

While still retaining that ridiculous separation between my real self and the sexy stripper minx that could only emerge from my honeypot when I stood next to a pole.  What kind of secret identity is that?!

Knock. Knock. Hello? It’s reality at the door and she wants her money back.

If you really believe that you and your yoni are separate but equal, do yourself a favor and stop drinking the Kool aide. Your diddle is not a carnival that only comes in to town when the moon is full. It’s always with you and more importantly, it’s a part of you. It’s not a disembodied piece of flesh floating around in space.  You decide whether it gathers dust on a shelf or has three shows nightly.  And you don’t need a pole to put on a show… or to express your inherent sensuality.

In fact, you don’t need to do anything at all.  SURPRISE! If you are a real woman (and since you’ve read this far, I’m willing to bet that you are) then trying to hide your feminine sexuality is a complete waste of time. You can’t have a gold encrusted phantom penis no matter how hard you try to grow one.  You’re not fooling anyone and it’s kind of painful to watch.  So STOP!

Remember, Barbie dolls and their unmarked plastic crotches are for make believe. Plus, they already sell fleshlights online, so don’t bother trying to hide your sexuality in your pocket. It’s just going to wriggle out at the worst (or best) possible moment anyway.

Embody and enjoy your feminine power. Share you understanding and compassion with your sisters and friends. Teach the men in your life and in “polite” society  that your beautiful shiny box is nothing to be afraid of.  It’s where we keep all the fun stuff.

One in the hand is worth two in the bush OR Get your mind out of the gutter, it’s blocking my view.

Whats your favorite slang word for alpha and omega? How do you integrate your sexuality into your personality? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!