Express The Sensual

I swear a lot in this post and talk straight up about stripping, so if you don’t like that kind of stuff, then just read this instead.

In case you didn’t know already, I’ve got a soft spot for real strippers.  And not just because they created the rich and beautiful art form that I love (pole & exotic dance)… But also because a real stripper understands an honest days work, just like you do.

Consider exactly what a stripper does…

in corporate lingo…

A stripper provides immediate value to her customers upfront (by dancing on that huge stage FOR FREE). Then, she uses her communication skills (both verbal and non-verbal) to actually get paid for a private consultation (otherwise known as a lapdance).  She has to pay 20% of her commision for the meeting room (or lap dancing booth) before she gets to use it. And another 10-15% for job security (also known as the Bouncer) before she walks out the front door to go home.

She doesn’t get a salary, health insurance, or even the promise of a job waiting for her tomorrow.  And she still has to pay taxes on every penny she makes.  Plus, she completes the entire transaction while exposing more skin than most of us are willing to bare at the beach on a hot summer day.

A real stripper knows that her 9pm – 3am job has the same fundamental principles as your daily grind… She just words them a little differently.  (BTW, these are real tips that I learned from real strippers.  I did not make them up)

Don’t Eat the Free Food in the Back

I don’t know about you, but I absolutely hate the cheap, disgusting food that most companies provides to their employees to lure them into all those boring meetings.  But even worse, I often wonder if everybody washed their hands before sticking them in the communal bowl of M&Ms or “fresh” biscuits.  This is a particularly sticky situation for a stripper.  The smart ones bring their own lollipops or licorice ropes and never, ever, EVER eat food left out at the club. (eeewwww!)

Watch Out for Flying Shoes

Look, it happens.  Newbie strippers love to wear 7 inch platform heels without an ankle strap… and sometimes, if you point your toe just right, it’ll fly off and smack somebody in the face.  Sometimes it even happens accidentally on purpose (ie don’t piss off a stripper).  So, just like you, strippers learn from the stupid shit their coworkers do in front of the customers and the boss… and don’t repeat those mistakes. Because when you piss off the customer, you don’t get tips.  Of course, the whole club will laugh their ass off.  But I promise, it seriously hurts to remove a spike heel from your forehead.

Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment.” ~LaoTzu

(PS – as a pole dancer you already know that you should always dance in shoes with ankle straps right? Oh good!)

Always Tip the Bouncer

If you want to stay healthy then you need good health insurance, and you’re going to have to pay for it. The Bouncer is the closest thing a stripper has to a health plan and she knows it’s important to keep him happy.  A smart stripper makes sure that the Bouncer is her BFF, so he’ll work hard to keep her safe.  When you don’t tip your bouncer, you’ll still get health coverage, but it’s usually slow, inefficient, and you’ll end up having to kick someones ass with your platform shoes (see tip above).

Avoid the Two for One Discount

At least once a night, almost every strip club has a two for one special.  That means if a customer buys one lapdance, he gets a second one for free. (A blue light special in the red light district?) However, what you may not realize is when a real stripper hears the DJ make this announcement, she instantly decides to take a break.  She believes in her skills and knows that her expertise are valuable (just like your KICK-ASS skills as an engineer, HR manager, or soccer mom). So unless she’s got a guy who’s going to buy three or more dances and doesn’t smell like he was dipped in cheap tequila, this just isn’t worth her time.

Put On an Original Show

The fastest way to get your ass kicked by a gang of angry strippers is to steal everybody else’s pole & exotic dance tricks.  Imitation is not flattery in a strip club, it’s just plain stupid. Every real stripper knows that she is one of a kind, just like you. Her regular customers show up to see her signature moves and new customers will pick her out from all the other dancers because her performance is original.  She builds her business and her social interactions by the creative use of her strengths, whether they are her spinning helicopter, her ass, or her witty repartee.

When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” ~LaoTzu

If You Don’t Like Stripping, Get the Fuck Off the Stage

Stripping isn’t for everybody.  It takes a special kind of woman to get up on a pole, dance in front of strangers, and convince them to throw money at her.  It doesn’t mean she’s an exhibitionist (I’ve met plenty of strippers that are really very shy).  It doesn’t mean she’s dumb (think of how much a marketing executive gets paid to network with clients using only his communication skills).  And it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have dreams for her future (serious strippers work 5 days a week to pay for college or start their own business).

But, like any other successful woman, a real stripper knows that if she doesn’t enjoy at least some parts of her job, then she’ll just end up sabotaging her own success. She continuously challenges herself to improve her dancing skills, make an extra hundred bucks, or even win exotic dance competitions.  And she looks damn sexy doing it!

At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.” ~LaoTzu

I’m not saying we should all go out and be strippers (because this would seriously piss them off and I don’t need to be stripper whipped with a pair of red thigh high boots).  I’m saying that real strippers have a wisdom of their own.

So, the next time you visit a strip club, pay your respects, and remember to tip your dancer!

How do you connect with the history of exotic dance? Do you think dancing can be zen? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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1.  Don’t be afraid to act like a bad girl

Bette Davis was know for her “willingness to play unsympathetic roles.” Some of her most acclaimed characters were an adulterous murderer, a Jezebel, and a prostitute.

Give yourself the time and space to play with the darker parts of your personality. Everybody has them.  Don’t bottle your emotions when you feel angry, powerful, or hungry for something naughty. Accept them. Welcome them. You can still feel your authentic nature without responding or acting in a negative manner. Instead cultivate your Femme Fatale, your Huntress, your Evil Queen.  There’s nothing wrong with playing in the dirt as long as you define the safety rules first and remember to take a shower when you are done.

When I feel like a Woman on the prowl I listen to If by Janet Jackson, Fully Alive by Flyleaf, and Cry Little Sister by G Tom Mac.

2.  Find your own sex appeal

Bette Davis was known for her lusciously riveting eyes and fought to ensure the lighting of every film emphasized her most well known feature.  However, she often remarked that she had built her career, not with her beauty, but by being tough and passionate about personal excellence. Jack Warner (of Warner Brothers) said she had that “magic quality that transformed this sometimes bland and not beautiful little girl into a great artist.”

You are sexy. I absolutely know this already, without ever laying my eyes on you.  However, I don’t know WHAT is sexy about you.

For years, I struggled with my own sensuality.  I felt ugly and very un-charismatic.  I became so depressed with my body image that I gained 70lbs to ensure that no man would ever touch me again (meaning I went from a size 12 to size 18).  But one day, I decided that I liked my ass. Even if I was overweight, I still had sexy curvy hips and a lovely bum.  Day after day, I built on that positive feeling.  I found jeans that showed off my ass.  I wore shirts that hugged my hourglass waist.   I pole danced to music that made me want to swing and sway my hips.

Over time, I recognized more features that made me feel sexy.  My long hair, my earthy brown eyes, my strong shoulders.  With each discovery, I felt better about myself and created more ways to enjoy my body exactly as it is–Like using the Hurricane Hips to strengthen my abs and show off my bootay!  The most amazing side effect is that, by loving my ass, I’ve learned how to take care of my body, lost the weight, and gained more strength and flexibility than I ever had before.  Find Your Bette.  Find something to love about yourself and let your sex appeal grow from there. If I can do this, you can do this!

3.  Accept tribute and compliments with grace and style

When Kim Carne’s wrote “Betty Davis’ Eyes” Bette Davis wrote thank you notes to Kim Carne and the songwriters. She even hung the gold and platinum records, a gift from Kim, on her wall.

Do you respond to compliments by telling the person that they are crazy or blind?  Or perhaps you assume that they are only complimenting you because they want something from you.  Please, please, please don’t do this anymore.  Give yourself permission to accept compliments without judgment. Recognize that, although you may not agree (perhaps because you need to read Rule #4 again), the person complimenting you is giving you a gift–that they are grateful to know you, to share time with you, to enjoy your company.  And the best way to respond to such a gift is to continue sharing your amazing, beautiful, authentic self.

The next time you dance for an audience, accept their praise as the gift of gratitude, smile, and say “Thank You” like the sexy Minx you are!

4. Be true to yourself and not to your critics

In “Of Human Bondage”, Bette Davis fought for an authentic death scene no matter how unglamorous.  She said, “the last stages of consumption, poverty and neglect are not pretty and I intended to be convincing-looking.”

If there is only ONE thing you get from this article, get this: Being your Authentic Self in every moment is the most powerful way to effect the world and enjoy your life. Don’t dampen your personality and pretend to be someone else.  Don’t put on a mask to please your coworkers, family, or friends.  Let go of anyone who doesn’t encourage you to be exactly who you are.

Real life usually isn’t glamorous, but it is always powerful. You can tell the difference between passionate action and apathy.  Let your authentic power shine through your face, your body, and your movements.  Let you emotions explode out while you dance.  If you need to pound on the floor in agony, do it.  If you need to smile in the blissful throws of a spinning flight around the pole, then grin like a mother fucking idiot.  The world can tell the Truth from a plastic imitation.  So, don’t fake an orgasm, don’t dance what you don’t feel, and don’t apologize for who you are.

5.  Live life beyond the routine

Bette Davis worked in every genre in Hollywood, television, and Broadway including contemporary crime dramas, historical, period films, comedies, & romantic dramas.  She said that throughout her career she had followed Charles Loughton advice…

“Never not dare to hang yourself. That’s the only way you grow in your profession. You must continually attempt things that you think are beyond you, or you get into a complete rut.”

Challenge yourself and your limits. If you always dance in t-shirts, put on a bikini top instead.  If you always dance to country music, throw on Beautiful by Eminem.  If you usually dance in the dark, turn on all the lights and dance at high noon. Question your own inhibitions.  Don’t let the need for security, the status quo, and fear of change, suffocate your personal style.

If you need help breaking through the box & developing your dance style, try one of my Improvisational Dance Challenges.  If you need help busting your own limiting beliefs in life then check out The Sedona Method or the ReCreate Your Life program.  These two simple methods have helped me break through my own emotional barriers to find the passion to follow my dreams. (I’m not kidding)

6.  Wanting your dreams isn’t enough–Make them happen.

For her first 4 years in Hollywood, Bette Davis was said to have “lovely eyes” but about “as much sex appeal as Slim Southerland,” (an unattractive male actor of the 40s). But in 1934, after over 20 (unnoticed) film roles, she played the vicious Mildred Rogers in “Of Human Bondage”, which was described as “probably the best performance ever recorded on the screen by a U.S. actress.”

She continued her illustrious, yet sometimes rocky career until 1983, when she developed breast cancer.  But in 1985, she overcame a mastectomy, four strokes, and paralysis in her left side to star in 4 more films and received the Kennedy Center Honor, the Legion of Honor from France, the Campione d’Italia from Italy and the Film Society of Lincoln Center Lifetime Achievement Award.  In fact, over her lifetime, she was nominated for an Oscar a stunning 10 times, a feat only 4 other actors have ever achieved.

Bette Davis said that she didn’t commit to her career as an actress until 1926 when she saw a production of Henrik Ibsen’s The Wild Duck with Blanche Yurka and Peg Entwistle…

Before that performance I wanted to be an actress,” Bette said, “ When it ended, I had to be an actress.”

I believe that everyone has a life purpose that only they can define.  But just because you know what you want, doesn’t mean that you have committed to it.  Commitment requires daily, monthly, and yearly action and usually a leap of faith or two.  It takes the understanding that you can’t just sit around and wait for your dreams to come true.  You have to take one step after another and make them come true. Mistakes are just the mileposts of learning, NOT an indication that you are on the wrong path.

If you want to learn how to invert, you are going to have to put in the time and effort to make your abs strong.  If you want to do the splits, you are going to have to stretch or do yoga every week.  If you want to be a writer, you are going to have to write & edit your work daily (this is a little reminder for me too   You might even need to call on a professional instructor who can help motivate you and teach you the tips, tricks, and techniques you need to get to the next level. Success requires that you translate your passionate dreams into committed action, RIGHT NOW.

“To fulfill a dream, to be allowed to sweat over lonely labor, to be given a chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life. The money is the gravy. ” “My passions were all gathered together like fingers that made a fist. Drive is considered aggression today; I knew it then as purpose.“ “ — Bette Davis

What makes you feel like a beautiful Bette? How do you express that authentic beauty in your dance & in your life? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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I’m going to tell you a secret.  A super secret that is going to change the way you think for the rest of your life.  Ready?  Here it is….

There is nothing wrong with your butt.

No, I’m not kidding.  That really is the secret.  The problem is that so many of us know, intellectually, that there is nothing wrong with our butt, BUT (pun intended) emotionally, we have a major complex about our big ass bumping into tables (& men’s faces) or our super skinny flat ass that looks like a pancake.  I’m telling you right now, there is nothing wrong with your butt.

Let me explain this using a more scientific approach (I can do that because I’m a physicist) and take a look at this from both sides of the spectrum.

The Big Ass

Men around the world love it.  Yep.  They love it.  I’ve done extensive research on this particular fact and have realized that although the media portray men and woman speaking about ass like this…

Self-Conscious Lady: Do these jeans make my ass look fat?
Confused Man: Uh, you mean those jeans?
Sadly Insecure Lady: Yes, dumb ass.  The ones I’m wearing.
Trapped Man (hesitantly): You look just fine in those jeans.
Angry Lady: You mean my ass doesn’t look fine in my other jeans?!  Well you can forget about ‘getting some ass’ from me tonight!
Resigned Man (under his breath): Damn it, I wanted that ass.

The SHOCKING truth is that a lot of men wander around hoping and praying that a big butt will come their way and say hello. It’s not that they don’t want to talk to you at all, they just know they’ve hit the jackpot if you’ve got a personality and a big bootay.

For most of my life, I would look at my ass in the mirror and squeeze in the sides, hoping to make it get just a little bit smaller.  But finally, I started to hear what every boyfriend/lover/fiance I’d ever had was trying to tell me.  Our conversations about ass went more like this…

Self-Conscious Lady (accidentally seeing her ass in the mirror): Sigh.
Confused Man: What’s the matter?  And don’t say “nothing” because that’s the tenth time you’ve sighed tonight.
Sadly Insecure Lady: I just wish I’d worn something less revealing.  My butt looks too big in this outfit. I’m just uncomfortable.
Comforting Man: What?!  Your ass looks HOT in those jeans.  I can’t wait to take you home and get a piece of it.
Surprised & Sexy Lady: Really? I always thought my ass was too big.
Excited Man: I love your big ass.  And I think it’s about time I proved it.  Come here.
(The rest of the story has been deleted due to the R rated content

And as a cherry on top, there’s a new trend in Hollywood where some actresses are having ass implants.  Yes, they are having cosmetic surgery to INCREASE the size of their butt.  Mostly, this should tell you that all Hollywood trends are a big load of BS and deserve to be ignored. It doesn’t matter if the trend is skinny jeans OR big asses.  However, what is important is that the world is finally coming to their senses about big butts.  Don’t stay in the closet with yours.

As Sir Mix Alot put it so eloquently, ”Stick it out, even white boys got to shout, baby got back!”

“I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can’t deny That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist And a round thing in your face You get sprung”

But what about the flip side? (HA! that whole sentence was a pun.)

The Skinny Ass

Although I don’t have as much personal experience with having a skinny butt, I have many friends who do.  Every one of them has an ass worth looking at!  I’ve seen men stop, pull down their sunglasses, and stare at my skinny assed friends as they walk by.

My girls told me that their secret to having a super sexy skinny ass is The Sway.  They let their hips sway from side to side as they walk. This creates an amazingly hypnotic motion that is perfectly balanced by the subtle curves of a skinny butt.  And it’s almost impossible not to look at it.  Try it.

1.  Turn on some sensual tunes like “Do I Move You” by Nina Simone (shit, anything from Nina would work!).
2.  Stand 3 or 4 steps back in front of a mirror and slowly walk toward it.
3.  Let your lower hips swing and sway from side to side.
4.  When you get to the mirror, turn around slowly and look over your shoulder.
5.  Walk back to where you started

I dare you to NOT watch the Swaying movement of your skinny ass.  It’s absolutely mesmerizing!

But personally, I think that if you really don’t believe in the power of a skinny butt, then you need to get your ass to the beach.  Throw on your swimsuit and wander around the surf and sand.  At the beach, the skinny butts win the day.  They look GOOD riding on bicycles along the boardwalk.  They look GOOD bouncing and running along the crashing waves.  Skinny butts look REALLY GOOD in bikini bottoms whether they are side ties, tankinis, or just a regular low cut two piece suit.

Why else do you think men go to the beach? Okay, yes. They want to surf or play volleyball.  But when they are done playing, they hang around to watch your skinny ass walk by.   My advice is to throw on your side tie bikini, get an ice cream cone (men have a very serious oral fixation), and start wandering the beach. Sway with the rhythm of the crashing ocean waves and you’ll soon realize that both you AND your ass look sexy as hell!

And if after all that, you still aren’t convinced that, there is nothing wrong with your ass consider this…

And possibly this…
Dance, Dance, Drop Your Pants!

But Not This.

What kind of sexy butt do you have? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!