Express The Sensual

I was listening to Tom Petty the other day and got more than a little nostalgic when he crooned:

I’m learning to fly, but I ain’t got wings Coming down is the hardest thing

Yes, I am a child of the 80s & 90s, but more importantly (and less age related), I was thinking of how luscious it felt to fly around my pole for the first time (and every time thereafter).  I remembered how much time I spent trying to force something that now feels effortless and filled with joy. Before, I would fight through my entire practice session, kicking and jumping into my flying tricks (a painful & damaging mistake)… with the result that I looked more like a fish flailing wildly through the air, instead of the beautiful undulating ribbon of a woman’s body that I envisioned.

Now, I happily take flight as gravity begs for mercy (depending slightly on pole grip).  But I feel a little sorrow when I think of how much energy I wasted frowning, stomping in frustration, and soothing the never ending bruises from bashing the pole in my arm, back, or butt AGAIN.

And I want to save you that frustration if I can.  Needless to say, flying is different depending upon the specific trick, whether its a one handed front hook, a reverse plank, or a flying dragon… But let’s consider it from both a physical and a philosophical viewpoint.

Physically, you need strength and lots of it.

To fly, you need strength to hold your shoulders down.  Strength to support your body with your rhomboids.  Strength to maintain a solid abdominal core that protects your spine while your body swirls and curves around the pole.

You also need control.  Control in your hands (because the death grip you’re using now is only going to strain your forearms).  Control of your hips so you know when to sweep your legs and when to stop.  And control of your fear.  Because fear is the little death that kills your dreams slowly. Fear wants to be the star of YOUR show.  But, YOU are the main attraction here.  Your fear isn’t even the understudy.

Accept your fear, but don’t be impressed by it, and it will dissolve into the background.

Your instructor should be able to help you with everything physically.  Whether you are working with a live person or a video, she should address all of your questions about technique, strength, and control.  Plus, she must discuss fear; how to recognize it and how to work beyond it.

Because, You won’t learn to fly until you realize you can.

Philosophically you need to release the outer world and become comfortable with your inner world…(Um, what the hell does that mean?!)

Consider a bird in flight.  As a bird begins to fly, it flaps it’s wings with strength, control, and technique.  Then it spreads it’s wings as far as it can and lets go.  It doesn’t fight the air currents, it finds the air currents and glides on them. Allowing knowledge and instinct to work together in harmony. The bird in flight recognizes the outer world (air, wind speed, height, etc) and rests in the deep seated internal belief that it has flown before and it can fly again.

You need the same belief.  The funny thing is, I know how close you are to flying right now.  It’s moments away, locked in your mind behind your fears.  Maybe you need to polish your control or build your strength a little more… but once you start to believe in yourself– strength, control, technique and flight will be close behind.

But you can’t force yourself to believe, because resistance only creates more resistance.

So what can you do?

You can pretend you believe until you convince yourself (not my favorite method, but some people have success with this one) or

You can recognize and celebrate every small step you take.  (Progress is progress whether your inner critic likes it or not.  And every small step proves that if you continue to follow the path you’re on, flying is an eventuality) or

You can just say fuck it.

You can set aside an hour to dance with joy and stop worrying whether or not flying tricks are in your future.  You can enjoy spending time with your shiny pole, knowing that you are a woman, tits to toes.  You can start giving in to the sensual nature in your heart.  You can start touching that inner world, feeling the comfort and freedom of resting within yourself, being whoever you are in that single, perfect moment. You can experiment with the external world of control, strength, and technique and simply invite your soul to play along.

Practice is what you do with your body, while your mind and soul learn to fly beyond your fears.

Are you ready to soar?

How did you overcome your fear of flying? What’s your favorite flying trick? Please share your opinions in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

I was lamenting on the state of the pole dancing industry when someone asked me why I focus so strongly on being a pole DANCER instead of a pole TRICKSTER (someone who focuses on athletic pole tricks without transitions).

Although I recognize how wonderful pole fitness can be when a woman develops her gymnastic ability and strength, I am not in that camp.  I do not and will not ever just teach a pole trick.  I believe it is the transitions between the tricks that connect a woman with her sensual nature, not just the trick itself. If I cannot evoke an emotional response throughout my dance, then I’m not interested in dancing; and serial pole tricks do not evoke emotion in me.

Whenever I see a pole Trickster, I find my mind wandering.  Yes, the flawless execution is impressive.  Yes, the difficulty is obvious.  But it’s still the same tricks, over and over and over again.  Instead of noticing the way she accentuates the curve of her hip or the luscious shadow of the hair falling down her back, I consider her gymnastic execution; her fitness & stretching routine, her training regimen.  Of course she is beautiful, impressive even, but I want to see the movement of life breathing through her, the spark of humanity, the hypnotic fire of creativity that burns through a dancer. I know it’s there, but I just can’t see it.

I certainly agree that being a pole Trickster is a great way to get in shape.  It’s a phenomenal and powerful activity that many awesome and wonderful woman do with their bodies.  But it’s not what I want.  And to answer the question of why, I wrote this response to a friend of mine.  It’s rather raw, and starts off with a doozy, but if you wanted butterflies and lily pads, you probably wouldn’t be reading my blog anyway.

Fuck pole dancing, but not in the way you think.

The pole is a prop, a gimmick.  It’s the feeling of pure sensuality that I am after.  The afterglow of the dance is like the afterglow of sex.  I want to feel beautiful, luscious, delicious.  Circles of erotic bliss.  I want the space to be vulnerable again.

I tire of being hard. Hard at work, hard at home, hard in traffic. I am not a man and have no wish to be.  I am the force that bends instead of breaks; the life that flows instead of shatters.  My heart is transparent because my tears fill it’s soul.

Being at work fights my nature. No, I fight my nature when I’m at work.  My lover requests for my return to dance.  He wishes to see what only a woman in raw movement can show him.  But this vision, this truth is available only when a woman remembers herself.  She experiences life with flaws, weaknesses, strength, mistakes, emotions, and creation.

Reality is not about perfection; this is man’s lie, one he tells himself.  The sun, moon, and stars have NEVER given us perfection, only natural cosmic coincidence.  All things work in harmony because of their inherent chaos.

You want proof?  –  I am proof.

I am a living contradiction, strength and weakness personified in one body.  A living mass of confusion that somehow remains in balance and lives — breathes even.  Whereas a rock, a flawless diamond with the most intricate and perfect structure, highly prized for this logical and regular pattern of atoms, lacks a soul.

The one requirement of life is that it is NEVER perfect, never done.  No matter how many times it has tried, life must continue the struggle or give up.

Enjoy your struggle, your dance of sensuality, and recognize the amount of passion you nurture to be truly ALIVE each and every day.

Do You disagree? Share your ideas in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

“What kind of safety equipment do you use for advanced inverts?” –from J.A. in Washington

In case you haven’t noticed, safety is one of my favorite topics, so lets start with the general safety requirements for exotic aerial pole dancing.

1. Pole Safety Check.

Before every training session, you should check the setup and stability of your pole. Make sure that you are using a professional pole, like the ones they sell through LilMynx or Xpole and that it has been installed according to the manufacturers instructions. Also make sure the the humidity or room temperature hasn’t made the pole too sticky or to slippery. Use rubbing alcohol or grip aids if needed.

2. Always Warmup.

You must have a warmup before any exercise or training activity. Even if you are not going to be doing any advanced movements, a basic warmup, like I have included in my online classes or that you might do in your local aerobics class, is perfect. This ensures your core body temperature and muscles are warm enough to work through your full range of motion.

3. An Experienced Spotter.

If you can train with a friend, make sure and learn how to spot each other during inverts and other advanced movements. Find someone you trust, because spotting requires physical contact. A good spotter doesn’t just stand back and watch you while you try something for the first time. She should be able to help you during the trick execution and catch you or break your fall if you need to come down quickly.

4. A PoleCat Power Safety Mat.

Whether you have a spotter or not, a firm thick mat developed for heavy use during aerial pole training is one of the best ways to protect your body while learning a new trick (see picture above). I train with these mats and I absolutely use them in my local and private classes. They are tough enough to walk on with your high heels but have enough give to help protect you during a fall. You can purchase these through LilMynx or through the developer, UrbanFertilityDancer.

5. Always Cooldown.

A cooldown is absolutely essential to any exercise session, just like a warmup. A cooldown ensures that you give your body time to slow down and avoid serious injury from a rapid drop in blood pressure. A few minutes of easy standing movements plus stretching will keep you safe and help you enjoy all the great physical and emotional benefits of your training session.

6. Be A Smart Cookie.

Finally, the most important piece of safety equipment in aerial exotic pole dancing is you. You must listen to the small whispers and messages your body sends to you. Pay attention to your level of strength or fatigue and give yourself a rest if you need it. Its okay to change your plans and work on basic spins and transitions instead of inverts if you are too tired. Remember, the person most responsible for your safety is you.

How do your worries affect you? What techniques do you use to let go? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!