Express The Sensual

I’ve been thinking a lot about The Rules lately.  You know, The Rules that “help” you decide what’s right and wrong.  The Rules that “explain” how you have to do this, or buy that, to ever have a chance to be beautiful, sexy, healthy, successful, or just plain average.  The Rules that say you’ve got to listen to all the “experts,” go to college, and become a mindless drone in some big huge corporation that thinks your name is j88456.

God forbid you want to have a good time in your 20′s.  And forget fun in your 30′s or 40′s because your fucking 401k isn’t big enough yet.  So just settle down, put your nose to the grindstone and look forward to retirement.  Um, yeah.  FUCK THAT!

Am I a hypocrite for telling you NOT to do EXACTLY what I did (except I’m not in my 40′s)?

Nope. Because I’ve decided that I’m not going to lay down and die (metaphorically speaking).

I’ve decided that I’M NOT DONE YET.

I’m not going to give up on my dreams even if they are just the insane delusions of a physicist slash poledancer slash writer who got stuck in a lab without windows for too long and refuses to drink the public KoolAide.

I left my last job because, when I stepped into the office everyday, I saw the walking dead.  Literally, zombies and brain eaters everywhere.  And I was well on my way to Zombie stardom…with overwork, daily headaches, wacky dizzyness, and general sadness whenever I typed my name (ex: j88456) into my login prompt.  I didn’t want to be a victim or a Zombie leader.   So I went a little nuts in an over strained economy and just quit.

I quit to save my life.

I quit to save my health.  I quit because I was too dehydrated to cry anymore. And it worked… sortof.

I mean I got back my life, I got back my health, and my face stopped looking like a pinkish prune with brown eyed spots.  But once I was alive again, I didn’t know what the hell to do with myself.  I’d spent over 30 years building up an identity as the Kick Ass Physicist with accompanying bachelors degrees, master’s degree, ridiculously long resume, hot red Audi, and sexy business suits.   I’d been playing my role to a T and had everybody fooled.  But I realized that every time I got close to finishing the picture of me as the “Kick Ass Physicist,” I’d fuck it up. And when I finally quit the “perfect” job I asked myself… “what the hell is wrong with me?”

Woman are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weakness. ~Marie de Vichy

I was afraid of breaking The Rules.

I was afraid of doing all the things that society told me weren’t safe for a woman like me.  Seriously, ask yourself if you’d be willing to quit your job, with no security net, no new job to go to, and no outside financial support.

I was totally crazy, right?  Maybe.

Maybe I still am.

Because while I stood outside of the daily 9 to 5 grind I discovered that I had all these hidden passions.  I had dreams and opinions and I cared about doing shit that I had buried in a hole inside my mind when I was 12 years old.

And now, I’m still afraid.  I’m afraid that I will wimp out without doing all the amazing things I’ve got floating around in my head.  I’m afraid I’ll give in to the comforts of a recently acquired steady paycheck instead of creating and sharing my ideas about sensuality, authenticity, purpose and passion with everyone who will listen.  I’m afraid to die with my music still in me.

But my fear is giving me the ability to fight.

It’s making me stronger and more resourceful than I’d ever imagined I could be.  Because I’m the one who has to make things happen– meaning that without me, my dreams won’t come true. I’m the one that has to put in the work, write that story, create that video, teach that class, learn about running an online business & a million other things I didn’t even know existed…and still stay true to my heart, my passions, my purpose.

So today, I’d like to kindly thank The Rules for getting me here…

And then tell them to FUCK OFF or Suck my big sparkly red (nonexistent) Balls!

Because The Rules aren’t needed anymore.  I don’t need limiting beliefs.  I don’t need social conventions.  I don’t need tribal knowledge. As of this moment, I am letting go of everything that doesn’t help me on the path to my dreams.  I don’t care how many obstacles are in my way as long as I learn from them.

And I reserve the right to change my dreams whenever the hell I feel like it as long as I’m still working with passion toward goals that mean something to me. Because I’m pretty sure I don’t know everything there is to know right now but I aspire to be as flexible in my mind as Gumby is bendy.

So if you’ve got any problems with pole dancing, exotic dancing, erotic writing, swearing like a trucker, sex and sensual living, then this blog probably isn’t for you.  On the other hand, if you like all that stuff and you enjoy the occasional rant from a writer turned physicist turned pole dancer turned writer again then I’m so very glad you are here.  I’ve got a bunch of wonderful ideas and I need your help.

Please tell me what you’d like to read about on ExpressTheSensual.  Tell me your stories (in private or in public).  Or just send me a reminder on twitter that I made you a promise.

I promise that I will transform my weaknesses and fears into some seriously awesome fun stuff specifically for your enjoyment…

…Like ebooks about living sensually…

…more pole/exotic dance video classes…

…and naughty erotic short stories for cold nights by the fire…

As well as sharing QandAs, HowTos, and any other sexy goodness I learn/find along the way.

I’ve got a lot of work to do, so it’s guess it’s time for me to get my big ass busy. XOXOX

What are your dreams & goals? How have you committed to your passionate path? I love hearing from you so please add your comment below!

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I don’t apologize for pole dancing.  I don’t apologize for drinking green tea or choosing to eat sushi instead of a hamburger.  I don’t apologize for enjoying R rated movies or doing the splits at the gym.  I definitely don’t apologize for enjoying sex as often as I feel like it either.  So if the world thinks I’m going to apologize for dancing around my living room with a shiny metal pole while wearing a bikini top and an itty bitty teeny tiny skirt…. Then the world should think again.

I’m not stopping.  Not tonight, not next year, not next month or ever.  In fact, I’ve made it my personal mission to use pole and exotic dancing to teach other woman how phenomenally beautiful and SEXY they already are. But the truth is that pole dancing is just the medium.  Every woman is amazing before I teach her a single twirl…before they take their first spin around the pole…before their hips ever move in the smallest of circles.

Every woman has an inherent sensual power. She carries it with her everywhere.  Ready to be unleashed in the kitchen, the boardroom or the bedroom.  It’s her choice.

What pisses me off, is that sometimes we as woman forget we’ve got it.  The cookie. The thing that makes our lovers stand up and beg for buttermilk.  I’m not sure when or where we stopped feeling that sensual animal inside, but I do know that if you don’t feel it, you’ve got to find it.  You’ve got to get the animal back.  She’s the source of your power and she’s sitting in the shadows asking what in the hell you’re waiting for…..

I can’t tell you exactly where she is, but I can tell you where she isn’t.  She isn’t at the top of the corporate ladder pretending to be a man at the head of the table.  I don’t mean you shouldn’t KICK-ASS at work.  And I definitely don’t mean you shouldn’t lead.  You should KICK-ASS at work, you can KICK-ASS at work, and you probably do KICK-ASS at work.  But not by trying to be “as good as a man.”  You already are an amazing woman, so why bother trying to be “a man.” I may never meet you and yet, I know this as ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

Have you ever noticed how exhausted you get trying to “beat men at their own game.” Yes, I know you can do it, but personally, I’ve found that playing the game like a man wears me down faster than the other guys.  They wake up at 6am ready to go (or is that just morning wood?) and I get more and more tired.

The problem isn’t that we are too weak, or too feminine, or too fragile because we are women.  The problem is that it’s just not our damn game. That game is meant to be played with a penis and, I don’t know about you, but I just don’t have one of those, nor do I want one. So, tomorrow, when you wake up, instead of getting ready to play their game one more fucking time, make the decision to change the rules.

Listen to your instincts, listen to your heart, and stop asking permission to be sexy.  Wear skirts if you’ve got great legs.  Wear pants if you’ve got a great butt.  Sway your hips ever so slightly when you walk.  Smile with the knowledge that you’ve got something the men around you don’t have, can’t have, and want BADLY.  Don’t apologize for loving the way you love, for caring the way you care, or for having hips, tits and an ass. Because I guarantee the men around you won’t ever apologize for having a penis.

Practice walking the halls at work (or the grocery store), turning your sensual power on and off, on and off.  Notice how people will start to watch you, open the door for you, give up their seat at the conference table for you.  I’m not telling you to flirt shamelessly (unless that’s what YOUR sensual animal wants).  I’m telling you to let the power of being a woman flow through you.

Remember, your body is made for creation– a beautiful expression of the living breathing world around you. The moment you accept that power and the responsibility that goes with it, you will feel that sensual ebb and flow…. You will BE that sensual ebb and flow. And the people around you, both men and woman, will respond.   They will respect you more for being a woman who enjoys being a woman. Men will feel more alive and be more authentic with you.  Other woman will be more connected to you.  It won’t be an instant utopia, but it will be a deeper alignment between you and the life you want to live.

So whatever you do, don’t apologize for being soft, for being sensual, for sometimes needing to cry for no reason at all. Don’t apologize for having an opinion or doing something different than everybody else.  Don’t apologize for playing like a woman, for starting up a new game, with new rules…. Especially if you are winning!

And don’t EVER apologize for pole dancing.

How do you express your sensual feminine self? When do you feel the most connected with the world? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Is your dancing inhibited? Do you get anxious when performing in front of a group, even in your pole class? Are you afraid to dance for you lover?  Are you afraid to dance in front the mirror?

Make A Wish

You’re not alone.  Many of my beginner students are afraid to let go of their inhibitions and express their sensual nature through movement.  And one of my readers recently asked “I was wondering if you had any advise on getting over the whole embarrassing/shy thing.”

Happily, overcoming your performance anxiety is absolutely possible for everyone. And the best part is that, the confidence you gain while dancing will propagate into every aspect of your life. But, you will have to face a fear or two.  Don’t worry.  Keep reading and you’ll find plenty of tools to help you own the dance floor in almost any situation.

These Boots Were Made For Walking

The first thing I teach in every class is how to walk.   And the reason is because I want you to have the ability to feel like the sexy, powerful, woman that you are.  I want you to turn it on and off at will.  Literally.

I encourage my students to take their “sexy” out for a walk in a public place. Strolling along the sidewalk as they usually do, and then turning on the charm so to speak.  Try it and you’ll be amazed at the positive reactions you receive and how vibrant you feel.

To turn on your “sexy” walk you simply need to remember four little words…

SLOW SLINK SLIDE SMILE

1. Slow - Take your time.  Charismatic woman usually aren’t in a rush to get somewhere.  Let you body move with purpose and intention, staying conscious of each step along your inner and outer path.

2.  Slink – Allow your hips to sway and your body to curve slightly while you walk.  According to “The Definitive Book of Body Language,” men love a 67-80% hip-to-waist ratio.  But you don’t actually have to have that ratio to be alluring.  By tilting your pelvis as you walk, you automatically create the perfect hip-to-waist ratio.  Plus, if you sway your torso, you will give the impression of flexibility.  And both sexes find flexibility attractive in a mate.

3. Slide - As you take each step, slightly drag the big toe or inside of your shoe along the ground.  This forces you to slow down, and makes your legs look longer.  Extending your legs is a powerful nonverbal signal that indicates you are a mature passionate woman .

4.  Smile – A small, tight lipped smile is a submissive gesture that says “I have a secret.”  If you pair this with a slight down tilt to the head as you look up, it makes men want to protect you and woman want to be you.

To practice these steps, turn on some stimulating music and strut your stuff in front of a mirror.  It’s important to be able to look yourself in the eye and feel the seductive energy coming off your body. If you feel it, so will everyone else. Once you’ve mastered the sexy walk both in the mirror and in public, then you’re ready to begin shedding your performance anxiety.

Here are two major milestones required to help you dance with self confidence.

All Mine

The first milestone is to remember that you own the stage. At this moment, anyone watching has come here to see you.  Not the girl before you.  Not the girl after you.  Not the pole or the chair or any other props you might be using.  You.

That means you are in control.  Don’t downplay this control and don’t ignore it. Pick music, sexy shoes, clothes, and any other props that make you feel empowered… and by that I mean HOT.

Maintain that control.  Don’t let the attention of your audience wander.  Keep it focused on you for your entire dance.  If you’re wearing shoes, stamp your feet to make a loud noise.  Add in some twirls to automatically cause their eyes to trace your movements.  Go extra slow to drag out anything scintillating and force them to feel antic………….pation.

If Tha Mood

The second milestone is a little bit tricky.  And by that, I mean you have to make a choice.  Do you want to notice your audience or do you want to ignore them? Each choice will cause your audience to react in a different manner.

If you ignore your audience, they will feel like they are spying.  They may feel guilty while watching you but unable to stop as you lead them through an exhilarating secret moment. This is the easiest method, but can sometimes backfire if you don’t allow some playfulness to show through.  The audience must believe that you are giving them this glimpse of your own free will.  If they believe you don’t want to be there, they will notice this negative emotion instead of your beautiful movement.

Alternatively, if you pay attention to your audience, they will feel as if they are participating in the dance. As if you are playing with their emotions.  This method requires that you use the SMILE you learned in the previous exercise and make eye contact.  Even if it’s only for a moment.  As you catch someone’s eye think “this is my stage”, “I am beautiful”, or “I feel amazing.”  Besides being the absolute truth, these thoughts will send a strong vibration throughout your audience and fill you with courage.

What the Fuck is LadyLike

With each performance, whether its for your class or at a pole showcase, you’ll feel the anxiety fade.  By facing this fear, you will actually know more about your inner self and learn to express that feminine fire in your everyday life. You’ll discover that it is better to laugh at your small mistakes and simply stretch through them playfully.  85% of the time your audience won’t notice the mistake anyway, and 10% of the time they’ll think you did it on purpose.

The Power is yours already, you simply have to accept it.

Little Johnny & Jane are playing in the garden when they begin having an argument over whether girls are better than boys.  Johnny pulls down his pants and says “Boys are better than girls ‘cos you don’t have one of these!” Jane bursts out crying because she knows she doesn’t have one of those. She rushes inside to her mother and a little while later comes back outside with a huge grin on her face.  “My mom says girls are better than boys,” she says with confidence. “Are not” says the boy, “You haven’t got one of these.” Jane looks at him, raises her skirt and pulls down her panties.  “My mom says that as long as I have one of these, I can have one of those anytime I want.”

How do you eliminate shyness? Do you enjoy performing for your class or for groups? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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