Express The Sensual

It happens to all of us eventually.  You’re chugging along, working towards your dreams and life offers you an opportunity to do exactly what you were hoping for:  Try out a really difficult trick, expand your skills at an advanced workshop, perform for an audience.  At first, you’re excited, practically breathless with anticipation, but then you feel something swirling deep in your belly. The feeling intensifies, it’s painful, gurgling, unhappy.  Your heartbeat picks up and you feel fearful for no recognizable reason.  You want to run away from your pole and hide. You might even start to cry.

Suddenly you consider the possibility that you could actually suck at this. 

Insecurity has come a’calling and she’s being a Bitch!

So you try to fight it off.  You stand up taller, stick out your chest, and tell yourself you’re not weak.  You tell yourself that you’re not pitiful.  You shout at yourself that YOU! MUST! DO! THIS!  But the feeling is still there, cowering in a corner, hugging itself, biting it’s lip to keep from crying.  Mine even makes a meeping sound.  Meep. Meep.

You attempt to trudge forward, but the Meep keeps raising it’s sad little head at all the wrong times.  That exciting new invert you just barely got yesterday – Meep? A burlesque performance – Meep. Meep.  A pole competition – Meep!  You find yourself procrastinating, avoiding that awesome opportunity, deciding it’s not worth the pain and suffering. And then, the opportunity is just gone.

But that annoying Meep? It’s STILL crying in the corner.  (Please note that the Meep is different from the NGE Monster. The NGE Monster is mean whereas the Meep is usually frightened and sad)

What can you do?  What does anybody do when insecurity shows it’s sad, goofy face?  Ignore it?  Bluster though it? Yell and scream at it? Kick it into submission? — No.

The Cure For Insecurity is NOT Anger

Pushing through the insecurity, fighting it before acknowledging it, will only drive it deeper into your subconscious. That’s why it keeps coming back; meeping and meeping when you really need to be focusing on the task of working towards your awesome, awesome goals. (I know they are awesome, because they are yours!)

Many people push their fears so far aside that they can’t even remember why they are freaking out, even though they are freaking out ALL THE TIME.  They are living in a fog.  And it’s really damn hard to decide which direction to climb if you can’t figure out where you’re starting from. That’s how people fall off of mountains and poles.

However, once you accept that you are feeling insecure and fearful, you have actually stepped into reality.  Now you can deal with that 15 foot tall obstacle of shiny metal, and the present moment, from a place of clarity and honesty. This is where you are [upside down on a pole].  This is what you’re feeling [my arms are shaky because I forgot where to put my hands].  This hurdle [pole trick / performance / dance troupe interview] is an opportunity for you to learn something seriously cool about yourself and really shine. Let’s deal with this.

Hug Your Meep!

The first thing I do when my Meep pops up (once I get past the crying fit) is to really notice it.  I take a soft deep breath and pay attention to how my body is reacting to this moment.

• Are my legs tight or wobbly?
• Is my breath shallow or fast?
• Are my hands clenched or shaking?
  

I check in with my body and breathe into every sensation. I don’t let it overwhelm me, but I give myself the time to figure out what they hell I’m feeling insecure about, instead of labeling my feelings as stupid, or weak, and shoving them aside. (This is called the internal witness in meditation and yoga)

Then, (and this is the weird bit) I offer some compassion to my sweet Meep.

Feeling insecure doesn’t have to be your enemy.

If you take your Meep, offer it a glass of chardonnay, and give it big, loving squeeze, you’ll realize that it just needed some reassurance.  Your Meep just needed you to recognize that you are growing beyond your boundaries (which is scary AND exciting).  You’re learning something new, becoming stronger, becoming wiser, feeling sexy, feeling liberated, and tapping into your deeper self. Whether that deeper self is a Sexy Minx, sweet Miss Mary, or ass kicking Rocker Chic is up to you and your Meep.

I know it can be difficult to turn an annoying Meep into your new BFF and coo sweet things at it.  Sometimes they won’t stop crying.  So, I usually think of my Meep as a heart shaped puff ball of fur with small doe eyes and a huge smile. Then, I shout “Meep! Meep!” (yes, really) All of which makes me smile and laugh at my own playful audacity.  Simply imagining my Meep like this makes me want to pet it until everybody feels better and we can all Get On With The HOT HOT Pole Dancing!

Acknowledge! Clarity! Action!

So the next time you feel insecure, look for your Meep, share a cocktail, a laugh, and a hug (acknowledge!).  Use clues from your body to figure out what is really going on (clarity!) and decide how you’re going step over those hurdles (action!).  Then get ready to fucking shine and kick some serious pole dance ass.

How do you deal with the softer fears of insecurity that plague us in dancing and in daily life?  Do you fight?  Do you run away? Or do you give yourself love and compassion? Tell us in the comments.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

I was lamenting on the state of the pole dancing industry when someone asked me why I focus so strongly on being a pole DANCER instead of a pole TRICKSTER (someone who focuses on athletic pole tricks without transitions).

Although I recognize how wonderful pole fitness can be when a woman develops her gymnastic ability and strength, I am not in that camp.  I do not and will not ever just teach a pole trick.  I believe it is the transitions between the tricks that connect a woman with her sensual nature, not just the trick itself. If I cannot evoke an emotional response throughout my dance, then I’m not interested in dancing; and serial pole tricks do not evoke emotion in me.

Whenever I see a pole Trickster, I find my mind wandering.  Yes, the flawless execution is impressive.  Yes, the difficulty is obvious.  But it’s still the same tricks, over and over and over again.  Instead of noticing the way she accentuates the curve of her hip or the luscious shadow of the hair falling down her back, I consider her gymnastic execution; her fitness & stretching routine, her training regimen.  Of course she is beautiful, impressive even, but I want to see the movement of life breathing through her, the spark of humanity, the hypnotic fire of creativity that burns through a dancer. I know it’s there, but I just can’t see it.

I certainly agree that being a pole Trickster is a great way to get in shape.  It’s a phenomenal and powerful activity that many awesome and wonderful woman do with their bodies.  But it’s not what I want.  And to answer the question of why, I wrote this response to a friend of mine.  It’s rather raw, and starts off with a doozy, but if you wanted butterflies and lily pads, you probably wouldn’t be reading my blog anyway.

Fuck pole dancing, but not in the way you think.

The pole is a prop, a gimmick.  It’s the feeling of pure sensuality that I am after.  The afterglow of the dance is like the afterglow of sex.  I want to feel beautiful, luscious, delicious.  Circles of erotic bliss.  I want the space to be vulnerable again.

I tire of being hard. Hard at work, hard at home, hard in traffic. I am not a man and have no wish to be.  I am the force that bends instead of breaks; the life that flows instead of shatters.  My heart is transparent because my tears fill it’s soul.

Being at work fights my nature. No, I fight my nature when I’m at work.  My lover requests for my return to dance.  He wishes to see what only a woman in raw movement can show him.  But this vision, this truth is available only when a woman remembers herself.  She experiences life with flaws, weaknesses, strength, mistakes, emotions, and creation.

Reality is not about perfection; this is man’s lie, one he tells himself.  The sun, moon, and stars have NEVER given us perfection, only natural cosmic coincidence.  All things work in harmony because of their inherent chaos.

You want proof?  –  I am proof.

I am a living contradiction, strength and weakness personified in one body.  A living mass of confusion that somehow remains in balance and lives — breathes even.  Whereas a rock, a flawless diamond with the most intricate and perfect structure, highly prized for this logical and regular pattern of atoms, lacks a soul.

The one requirement of life is that it is NEVER perfect, never done.  No matter how many times it has tried, life must continue the struggle or give up.

Enjoy your struggle, your dance of sensuality, and recognize the amount of passion you nurture to be truly ALIVE each and every day.

Do You disagree? Share your ideas in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Donna asks: Is it true an exotic dancer never dances with the beat of the music but [uses] the undercurrent of the song [instead]?

This particular question is actually a point on contention between many schools of pole dancing.  So the answer is “It Depends.” (I always hated that particular answer though)

Basically there are 3 different views…

First, there’s the idea that you don’t have to listen to the music at all.

That you should perform whatever trick you want whenever you feel like it (or in a specified routine) but the music doesn’t have to match or even make sense. I’m just going to throw this one against the wall and out of the club. Because as far as I’m concerned, if you don’t even notice the music then you aren’t pole dancing, you’re pole tricking…which is a useful training method but NOT a worthwhile performance technique (okay rant over, sorry)

Second, there’s the premise that you find the “hidden beat” of the song.

I’ve heard this described at the “undercurrent” or the “underlying wave.”  This particular technique is usually used during dance improvisation and in many ways I like it.  It encourages the dancer to focus on not just the beat but also the effect the beat has on her heart, her emotions, and her non-logical, pure response body.

However, I think you can take this idea too far.  To me, the point of dancing is to express your authentic self within the layers of music, within the physical studio space, using the tools and props and world around you.  It’s a different and beautiful way to experience life in the current moment.  And that includes the music you hear playing.

By ignoring the music entirely to focus on your own internal beat, you have stopped dancing and started meditating.  I don’t believe there is anything fundamentally wrong with this, BUT a true exotic dancer knows that her performance must make a connection with the audience.  If you are completely inside your own mind, then the audience is more like a peeping tom than a group of people experiencing your art. (I’ve actually had friends say that they felt like it was rude to watch me dance when I used this particular method)

To ignore the music is to sever your connection with the audience.  And this is never the goal for an exotic dancer.

Lastly, there’s the technique where you dance specifically to the beat of the music you are using.

If you ask a professionally trained dancer, they will most likely say that this method is the only method that makes sense for a performance.  And if we were all classically trained dancers with 15+ years of training in ballet, jazz, and tap, then I’d probably agree.

Because over time, your internal beat becomes automatic whenever the music hits you. Your body already knows that this extension of your arm is perfect for who you are right now and to match the emotional content of the song…. that this invert will feel amazing during a booming creshendo…. That rolling on the floor during the guitar solo makes the most sense within your muscle memory.

This, to me, truly defines performance art.  But it doesn’t happen overnight and you can’t force it.  Let me say that again, you can’t force it.  You can create a routine that hits each beat. You can practice the routine until your feet bleed.  You can perform it flawlessly in front of a starstruck audience (hello So You Think You Can Dance). 

But unless you put your entire spirit into it, there will be something missing.

In the end I believe … An exotic dancer uses the beat as if it was her partner, expanding and contracting against him as the underlying wave calls to her.

Creating a never ending dynamic between his beating heart and her authentic soul.

Which method do you use for performances? And which one do you use when you are alone? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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