Express The Sensual

Today I was reminded of how critical it is to pay attention to all the stuff you actually give a shit about.  Otherwise you miss all the phenomenal experiences that life is trying to give you. (because sometimes it’s difficult to figure out what YOU care about when your boss, your peers, and the TV are demanding you do totally different things) So how do you know what is really important and what’s just bullshit?

I started my day off by sharing this on Facebook:

I’m going to quietly grmble in my cubicle this morning. :S (I couldn’t even manage to spell “grumble”)

…and ended it by celebrating an evening filled with stable inverted pressaways.  YIPEE!

When I sat down at my desk at 8am today, I was pissed off, frustrated, depressed, and absolutely, completely, totally stuck.  I felt trapped by my own life and so very tired of struggling to understand why, why, why I couldn’t stop cockblocking my own success (yes, I know I don’t have a cock and I wasn’t trying to get laid, but just go with me here).  I was disappointed that I wasn’t meeting my daily writing quota (I’m doing NaNoWriMo this year), that I hadn’t posted anything to this blog or my other blog in 5 or 6 days, and that I kept falling asleep in my cubicle (at 8am in the morning!) because I was so fucking exhausted.

So what the hell do you do when when you keep hitting the same wall of frustration over and over again?  What do you do when you’re seriously stuck in a funk and can’t shake loose?

First, stop trying to use logic to get out of it. If logic was going to work, you’d have found the answer days, weeks, or months ago…

You need an inspiration!

Luckily, you already have a phenomenal technique to create an AHA moment…

All you need is to get your conscious mind to go to sleep and give your creative muse a safe place to explore. Meaning you’ve got to shed some of those layers of assumptions, baggage, and bullshit that you gathered as a grownup…Give your inner child a game to play.. And show her an awesome playground preferably with a jungle gym.   Psst THIS IS WHERE POLE DANCING COMES INTO THE PICTURE.

Your Body In Motion…

Drive home from work, stumble in the front door, banish everyone from the pole room for at least 20 minutes, throw on the playlist that exemplifies your emotional funk, and peel away your inhibitions.

Pick music that makes you feel grumpy, or sad, or predatory… but only if you actually feel that way.  Don’t change out of your work clothes. STRIP out of your work clothes.  Let each layer of your emotional wall disappear as each song disappears.

Ride the wave of your own anger, your own sadness, your own angst until you can’t tell the difference between the beat of the drum and the beat of your heart. (see that upside down lady on the right with the goofy happy smile… THAT’S ME!)

Once you feel your energy start to wane, allow you body to slow down.  Let the new wave of exhaustion set in as your dance moves away from the pole and onto the floor.  Until finally there is only your breath.

Your Body At Rest…

Inhale that next breath, get out your journal (or a piece of paper) and write the answer to these four questions. They are designed to pull the answers to any difficult problem out of your own unconscious mind.  (PS – I’ve included my own answers but not the secret decoder ring, so if anything seems cryptic that’s because my muse likes to speak in alien languages)

Q1:  What do I need right now?

My Answer: Sleep glorious sleep and to stop pushing myself.  To stop second guessing and ignoring my own desires, wants, and opinions.  Because all I’m doing is wasting energy by “should”ing all over myself (shoulding is  when you tell yourself that you “should, must, have to” do something instead of allowing yourself to consciously choose). I work for 9hrs and come home full of resistance. I don’t feel like working on any of my real passions until I can drain that resistance away.

Q2.  What are the things in my life that feel right, that feel easy, that feel like me?

My Answer: my five wishes, my writing career, spending time with J, writing fiction, writing sensually, writing erotica, connecting to my passions through ExpressTheSensual, pole dancing, reading, working with JBT, hanging out with the important people that I care about, feeling love, feeling truth, feeling and expressing my freedom to choose my life and my reality with each breath, to know and experience this moment exactly as it is…

Q3.  What are the things in my life that feel wrong, that feel hard, that don’t feel like me?

My Answer: driving to work, engineering, aerospace, my day job, being a tech writer, worrying about NOT writing, listening to the people that tell me I need to do this – buy that – believe in their miracle product or end up being a dumb ignorant jackass, feeling like a coward, feeling like I have to do EVERYTHING right now, guilt for doing it wrong, guilt for not doing it before, guilt, guilt, guilt.

Q4. What do I forget to tell myself?

My Answer: That even if I feel like I should do everything, I really don’t need to do everything. That I can just let go of all the shit that I don’t want and spend my precious time, energy, and joy building my reality around all the awesome shit that I do want. To focus on my passion and my purpose.  To know that I have a choice and that I have the ability to choose differently as each moment arrives.  Then, my path will stop feeling sticky and I’ll stop feeling trapped.  (At this point angels descended, birds sang, and an intense desire to dance again hit me)

It is your work in life that is the ultimate seduction.” –Picasso

AHA!

Try this and you’ll discover what I did.  Your REAL PRIORITIES will suddenly be laid out in front of you in such vivid detail that you can’t ignore them anymore. Accept what is critical to you and then make that the most important part of your day.

Don’t just write down the essentials of your answer. Don’t just pay them lip service. Make choices that reflect YOUR priorities. Define your goals and believe in them.

A good friend once told me “Don’t die with your music still in you!”  Break down your walls by listening to your passions. Discover your bare essentials, and share your rapture with the world.

PS…these questions were inspired by a post by Havi Brooks, who you should be reading if you love kooky, fun, and awesome all rolled into one lady…and her duck Selma. Share your ideas in the comment section!

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photo by VDFmotion

Lapdancing, it’s the mysterious private show that happens [booming announcer voice] BEHIND THE WALL in the VIP strip club.  It’s also one of my absolute favorite types of exotic dance.

I’m going to share my secret weapons with you that can help you give a tantalizing, mesmerizing, sensual lapdance.  But first, I want to demystify a few things.  Because giving a great lapdance isn’t as much about a following a set of rules as it is about making the choices that turn you and your partner on.

Lapdancing does not require a special chair

Lazyboy or a recliner; arms or no arms; chair, couch, or bed.  It really doesn’t matter what kind of seating arrangement you choose as long as it’s sturdy enough to hold the weight of two people.  The key point here is that lapdancing requires a LAP and that’s all. (Just check the name if you are fuzzy on this one)

Lapdancing does not require special clothes

You choose how much skin to bare.  You choose when to bare it (or not to bare it at all.) You choose something that makes YOU feel both comfortable and sexy (I said both and I meant both) Do NOT wear a sexy mini-dress and sparkly black knee-high boots unless YOU love them. (and I do)

Lapdancing does not require your corporate weapons, electronic gadgets, or medieval swords & daggers.

Don’t put your BlackBerry on stun–Turn it OFF! (No it’s NOT a good makeshift vibrator) Leave everything in the kitchen that doesn’t accentuate your sensual nature.  Because anything that might take away from you, is just an annoying distraction. YOU are the main event.

Choose a Damn HOT Song

Pick a song that makes your body move. Something that gives you chills and drops you into a luscious state of sensual expression.  Use music that makes your mind and body tingle with excitement. And as long as your partner doesn’t find the song annoying, you can bet he’ll be tingling too.

I like it by Moby Choke me, spank me, pull my hair by Xzbit

Choose a Playful OR KickAss Attitude

I say OR because this is your show.  If you feel sweet and cute and giggly, then be the nice MaryAnn that makes your man ache to brush the hair from your face.  If you feel strong and sexual and powerful, then be the naughty Ginger that brings all the boys to the yard. Just remember that your partner is a companion not your opponent.  Your first lapdance is probably not the time to act out any tie-him-up, tie-him-down fantasies (not without his permission anyway).

Choose a LAP willing to play your game

Communicate everything you need to ensure this dance is fun for both of you. For example, if you don’t want to be touched, ask your partner to sit on his hands.  If you want him to stay quiet, let him know that you’ll only respond to the words “mmm” and “oohhh” for the duration of the dance.  Remember, you WANT to turn him on, so don’t be so strict that you cut off his passion (no beheadings, please!)

So, with all those choices, what’s the magic key to unlock his desires and make a man beg for buttermilk (uh, I mean ask for another lapdance)…

The secret is to Tease him to the edge with the Promise of Desire and (perhaps) the Passion of Fullfillment.

Build excitement with titillation.  Provoke him with sensation and your determination to almost touch.  Almost touch his lips, almost touch his neck, almost touch his inner thigh.  This lapdance is about making your own choices, accepting your own power, and using it to build a deeper connection with your partner.  It’s personal.  It’s private. And it’s sexual.

It’s as easy as 1-2-3-4

1.  Slide up to the LAP
Whether you walk or crawl, sinuously find your way to his lap.  Take your time.  Meander.  There’s no rush when your focus is the tease.  Once you get there, nudge (not shove) his legs open by sliding your knee between his knees and then step into the gap.

2.  Warm up to the LAP
Use slow, luxurious Hurricane Hips or your favorite pelvic circles to get both of you in the mood.  Throw in some booty popping for good measure (using his legs to substitute for a chair back) and taunt him with a Just Missed Kiss.

Just Missed Kiss – drop your eyes to his lips and act like you are going to kiss him. Get so close to his lips that he can feel your soft breath and then, just miss. Divert your lips to one side and slide your cheek along his face. (Oops, better luck next time. Teehee)

3.  Change the view
Turning around while maintaing your hypnotic movement can be a bit tricky, especially if you are wearing a sexy pair of 6 in heels.  Ignore the temptation to throw one leg over his head.  Knocking his block off will seriously fuck up the mood (and you promised you wouldn’t behead him, remember) Instead try an Ocho or a Model Turn.

Ocho – cross your right foot over you left and slowly pivot on the balls of your feet. Let your right hip draw a semicircle until your tushy is directly in front of his face. (location, location, location!) Model Turn - shifting your weight from right foot to left foot while rotating your body 1/4 turn until you are facing away from him. To keep him mesmerized, continue rolling and circling your hips as you turn. (aahh, Houdini would be proud and asking for an encore)

4. Melt into the LAP
Being careful of his dangly bits, sit (yep, sit) directly onto his thighs.  Please, PLEASE, DONT HOVER. (your partner isn’t a public toilet) Lean back into him, giving him both the sensation of warmth from your body and the view of your lovely curves.  Now it’s time for the Shiver Giver.

Shiver Giver – Run your fingertips up his legs (outside for nice girls or inside for naughty girls), his arms, or along his neckline using a the tips of your fingers and a soft side to side motion. As if you were drawing a wave of pleasure on his skin. Instead of thinking “she’s touching me,” he’ll be thinking “Oh God, I hope she touches me there.”

At this point, you’re on your own.  I’m sure it’ll all end with a bang.  (oh my gosh, did I just say that? — Yes, yes I did)

Have you ever given a lapdance, why or why not?  What’s your favorite lapdancing outfit? Share your ideas in the comment section!

Did you read pt 1 of this series?… Find your perfect LAP here!

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D.M. asks: “I have watched (on video) a girl doing amazing floorwork while sitting [where she] can make her butt muscles bounce individually and together in short pulses.  It looks amazing and [I] wonder how it is done?” (Ladies, I WANT to answer your questions about pole dancing, exotic dancing, and sensual living. So send ‘em my way!)

First let me put every BUTT at ease.  If you have an ass, you can booty pop it. Small, big, round, flat, muscular, or wiggly–It doesn’t matter.  As you know, I have strong convictions about the power of your awesome ass.  So don’t even think about using it’s size or shape as an excuse.

Second, let me say that the way I explain, teach, & perform booty popping may be totally different than the way somebody else does it.  I only mention this because I’ve seen woman (strippers, belly dancers, and pole dancers) do things with their body that defy the laws of gravity.  I’m a physicist AND a pole dancer, so my booty popping methods take gravity into account.

A Popping Primer

Step one of booty popping is to first FIND and then RELAX your tush.

Most women hold stress in their derriere, causing it to stay tight and tense all day.   Tensing up your gluteal muscles (that’s the technical term for ass) actually accentuates all the cellulite. (Nooo!) This is not a pretty look.  It’s also impossible to get a good rump jiggle going if your ass cheeks are so tight together that you could crush coal into a diamond.

So, get up (yes, right now) and stand behind your seat, with your hands resting by your sides.  Bend your knees slightly to help relax your fanny, and then poke yourself in the hinter cheeks.  (This is a test. This is only a test… of the emergency tight ass system) It should feel fairly soft. (Poke. Poke) It shouldn’t feel tense or tight. (Poke) If it feels tight, bend slightly at the hips and lean on the top of your chair. This should help release the gluteal muscles even more.

Step two of booty popping is to ASSume the position.

Rest your hands or your forearms on the back of your chair (don’t use a chair that swivels) and tighten your abs slightly (to protect your lower back).  But DON’T tighten your tush.  Then, standing with your feet shoulder width apart, come onto the balls of your feet.  If you need to lean over the chair a little to keep your heiny relaxed and balanced on your tippy toes, do that.  This position places your tushy front and center as well as maintains the perfect balance for long term jiggling.

Step three of booty popping is to think “There’s no place like home.”

Basically, you take a cue from Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and click your heels together.  Keep the quads (front of your thighs) strong and try to pivot on the balls of your feet.  The faster you click your heels the more your booty will pop. You know you’re doing it right if it feels like the sides of your hootenany are vibrating.  (Check out my last video at min 0:56 to see this in action) If you don’t feel the vibration, bend over the chair a bit more and focus on relaxing your buns.

Start with a slow easy beat (Juicy by Better Than Ezra) and a slow shake.  Then try to build your endurance to a faster more sustained vibration (Smack That by Akon & Rump Shaker by Wreckx-n-Effect)

I bet doing that made you giggle like a schoolgirl!  Keep gigglin’– it helps with the jigglin’

Once You Pop, You Can’t Stop

Now, if you want to develop total tookus control, you’ll need to learn how to separate and activate ALL the different gluteal muscles.  I recommend you work with a professional popper or your local belly dance instructor to learn this.  But here’s the quick & dirty version.

• Sit next to a mirror in a relaxed straddle position with your legs straight out to either side.  (Don’t go into the full front splitz unless that’s *very* easy for you)
• Lean forward slightly, placing your hands on the ground in front of you, and using them to support the weight of your torso.
• Looking in the mirror, strongly contract your thighs; inner, outer, and top.  (You should see your ass cheeks lift off the floor, hooray!)
• Roll your pelvis under while contracting your thighs. This will cause your back to arch as if you were trying to hold water on top of your butt. (You should definitely see your ass cheeks lift off the floor alot, hip hip hooray!)
• Keeping your abs strong, repeat the contraction until you can minimize the flexing of your legs and maximum the lifting of your ass. (I like to do this in bed right before I go to sleep. It’s very entertaining for your lover or for your dog, whichever one you’ve got right now.)
• Over time, you’ll be able to isolate each ass cheek and pop them to the beat.

“I want women to be liberated and still be able to have a nice ass and shake it” ~Shirley MacLaine

So whether you prefer to shake your money maker or pop it like it’s hot (thanks Snoop Dog) you must practice, practice, practice!  Just be careful… because that Milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard.

Do you enjoy a good booty bounce now & then? How do you make your cheeks clap? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!