I was reading an article from my sweet friend Poleskivvies about how posting videos to Youtube has made her suddenly body conscious and feeling the need for therapy. And I felt compelled to plunk my big ass down on the therapy couch right next to her.

Jennifer says…

“God, how I hate telling you this. Why? Because it’s a body image thing. And I’m supposed to be over that. I’m supposed to be all confident in how I look and never have a weak moment about it. Yea, right.”

Now, you all know how much I love my ass.  I talk about it all the time.  How it used to be bigger, and now it’s a bit smaller, but still rather curvy.  And I freaking love how it makes me feel like a real woman.  Sometimes I even wax poetic about it (although I usually keep most of my ass poems to myself).  But I want to share how I feel about my ass (and my body) when I make a video.  The process goes something like this…

[before making the video]
Yeah! I’m going to make a video tonight.  I’m so excited.  I’ve got my camera and lighting set up.  And a new playlist to help me fly around that pole.  Ready, Set, Go!

[while making the video]
I’m dancing and I don’t care if there’s a camera over there.  Fuck that camera.  I don’t have to post this.  This is for me.

[after making the video]
ooh, that felt so awesome. I can’t wait to watch it.  I want to watch it NOW.

[2 seconds after starting to watch the video]
Jeez.  Why didn’t somebody tell me that I suck.  I mean, seriously, look at my butt.  How many freaking biscuits did I have to eat over the holidays to make my ass look so damn huge.  And that invert was awful.  Dammit.  I knew I wasn’t doing enough ab work lately.  I hate my abs!  They look so mushy.  ugh.  I can’t post this shit.  Forget it.  I’m never making another video again.

At this point in the process, I pretty much hate everything I see

I usually roll my eyes, stand up from my desk in a huff, and go take a shower to calm me down and clean off the sweat from (what I thought before I saw the video) was a great pole session.

And then epiphany, self realization, I kill the Buddha

After the shower, I realize that I just spent 2 hours dancing, flying, twirling, and whirling.  That it felt pretty damn good to challenge myself.  That I love being creative, even if it means messing up an old trick because I’m trying to do something new.  And that I’m definitely going to do all that awesome shit again, because I’m totally fucking addicted to playing on a 9 foot tall metal pole. This is when I watch the video a second time.

[after the epiphany]
Hey, I love the way I transitioned from that new spin into an invert.  I want to practice smoothing that out.  Hmm, I might want to add some more lat and shoulder strengthening moves into my workout to help me accomplish that move.  Damn I love how legwarmers make my thighs look thinner.  Ooh, I got a bit racy at the end when I took my tank top off.  I’d rather cut that part and keep it in the private vault.

A bunch of learning happens

Not everything makes it to the videos I post.  In fact, I have (literally) years worth of video that will never, ever, see the light of a computer monitor because I feel self conscious about my body.  But I love the immediate feedback I get when I watch these videos.  I can use these videos to fix things, discover new movements, and decide how to keep moving my pole dancing practice forward.

But I still have doubts and fears.  Doubts I don’t always talk about, fears I don’t always show.

Society says I’m “supposed” to be a strong woman and maintain a positive body image at all times.  But can I really trust such a conflicting message from a society where a supermodel can be fired by Ralph Loren because she isn’t a size 0 and doesn’t fit into their clothes anymore? Where almost every picture, ad, and poster of a woman we see is colorized, fixed, slimmed, and retouched?

The more playful I become in my pole dancing (and my life) the more I realize that every “should,” every “supposed to,” every “rule” society lays on me is total crap. I’ve lately decided to start testing all these “rules,” sometimes tentatively, sometimes ruthlessly.  I keep the ones that fit around my womanly curves and chuck the ones that don’t.

Rules I’m Chucking

1. I have to make myself beautiful everyday, all day long CHUCKED for (Every woman is beautiful and has the right to look like a Raggedy Ann doll if the situation or her sleep schedule calls for it)
2. I have to be a strong, successful, business woman that kicks ass all day long CHUCKED for (Many woman feel the strongest when they recognize & celebrate what some people might define as weaknesses including wanting to be a mother who takes care of a couple of kiddies instead of kicking ass at work. I certainly do.)
3. I must prove that I’m as good as any man CHUCKED for (No woman has to play a man’s game to be phenomenal.  She doesn’t have to prove her womanhood because she already has the cookie.  No baking required)

So, if you’d like to play along, and chuck a few of society’s rules too, then please join Poleskivvies and me on the Therapy Couch by dancing around on video (or maybe just in your living room) and testing your boundaries…

Because, as Jennifer puts it “Feeling ugly is just too damn exhausting.”

To which I’d like to add “Fuck Yeah!”

How do you deal with your own body image? What Rules are you ready to chuck? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual and share it with your friends.

Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

In case you didn’t know already, I’ve got a soft spot for real strippers.  And not just because they created the rich and beautiful art form that I love (pole & exotic dance)… But also because a real stripper understands an honest days work, just like you do.

Consider exactly what a stripper does…

in corporate lingo…

A stripper provides immediate value to her customers upfront (by dancing on that huge stage FOR FREE). Then, she uses her communication skills (both verbal and non-verbal) to actually get paid for a private consultation (otherwise known as a lapdance).  She has to pay 20% of her commision for the meeting room (or lap dancing booth) before she gets to use it. And another 10-15% for job security (also known as the Bouncer) before she walks out the front door to go home.

She doesn’t get a salary, health insurance, or even the promise of a job waiting for her tomorrow.  And she still has to pay taxes on every penny she makes.  Plus, she completes the entire transaction while exposing more skin than most of us are willing to bare at the beach on a hot summer day.

A real stripper knows that her 9pm – 3am job has the same fundamental principles as your daily grind… She just words them a little differently.  (BTW, these are real tips that I learned from real strippers.  I did not make them up)

Don’t Eat the Free Food in the Back

I don’t know about you, but I absolutely hate the cheap, disgusting food that most companies provides to their employees to lure them into all those boring meetings.  But even worse, I often wonder if everybody washed their hands before sticking them in the communal bowl of M&Ms or “fresh” biscuits.  This is a particularly sticky situation for a stripper.  The smart ones bring their own lollipops or licorice ropes and never, ever, EVER eat food left out at the club. (eeewwww!)

Watch Out for Flying Shoes

Look, it happens.  Newbie strippers love to wear 7 inch platform heels without an ankle strap… and sometimes, if you point your toe just right, it’ll fly off and smack somebody in the face.  Sometimes it even happens accidentally on purpose (ie don’t piss off a stripper).  So, just like you, strippers learn from the stupid shit their coworkers do in front of the customers and the boss… and don’t repeat those mistakes. Because when you piss off the customer, you don’t get tips.  Of course, the whole club will laugh their ass off.  But I promise, it seriously hurts to remove a spike heel from your forehead.

Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment.” ~LaoTzu

(PS – as a pole dancer you already know that you should always dance in shoes with ankle straps right? Oh good!)

Always Tip the Bouncer

If you want to stay healthy then you need good health insurance, and you’re going to have to pay for it. The Bouncer is the closest thing a stripper has to a health plan and she knows it’s important to keep him happy.  A smart stripper makes sure that the Bouncer is her BFF, so he’ll work hard to keep her safe.  When you don’t tip your bouncer, you’ll still get health coverage, but it’s usually slow, inefficient, and you’ll end up having to kick someones ass with your platform shoes (see tip above).

Avoid the Two for One Discount

At least once a night, almost every strip club has a two for one special.  That means if a customer buys one lapdance, he gets a second one for free. (A blue light special in the red light district?) However, what you may not realize is when a real stripper hears the DJ make this announcement, she instantly decides to take a break.  She believes in her skills and knows that her expertise are valuable (just like your KICK-ASS skills as an engineer, HR manager, or soccer mom). So unless she’s got a guy who’s going to buy three or more dances and doesn’t smell like he was dipped in cheap tequila, this just isn’t worth her time.

Put On an Original Show

The fastest way to get your ass kicked by a gang of angry strippers is to steal everybody else’s pole & exotic dance tricks.  Imitation is not flattery in a strip club, it’s just plain stupid. Every real stripper knows that she is one of a kind, just like you. Her regular customers show up to see her signature moves and new customers will pick her out from all the other dancers because her performance is original.  She builds her business and her social interactions by the creative use of her strengths, whether they are her spinning helicopter, her ass, or her witty repartee.

When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” ~LaoTzu

If You Don’t Like Stripping, Get the Fuck Off the Stage

Stripping isn’t for everybody.  It takes a special kind of woman to get up on a pole, dance in front of strangers, and convince them to throw money at her.  It doesn’t mean she’s an exhibitionist (I’ve met plenty of strippers that are really very shy).  It doesn’t mean she’s dumb (think of how much a marketing executive gets paid to network with clients using only his communication skills).  And it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have dreams for her future (serious strippers work 5 days a week to pay for college or start their own business).

But, like any other successful woman, a real stripper knows that if she doesn’t enjoy at least some parts of her job, then she’ll just end up sabotaging her own success. She continuously challenges herself to improve her dancing skills, make an extra hundred bucks, or even win exotic dance competitions.  And she looks damn sexy doing it!

At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.” ~LaoTzu

I’m not saying we should all go out and be strippers (because this would seriously piss them off and I don’t need to be stripper whipped with a pair of red thigh high boots).  I’m saying that real strippers have a wisdom of their own.

So, the next time you visit a strip club, pay your respects, and remember to tip your dancer!

How do you connect with the history of exotic dance? Do you think dancing can be zen? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!

In case you haven’t had the privilege of training with Shawn, let me explain what you’ve been missing.  Shawn is an amazing and caring individual who truly believes in the life changing power of AUTHENTIC exotic dance (did you notice my emphasis?) This is a woman who danced for over 15 years as a real stripper, with many of those years at the legendary Crazy Horse Too in Las Vegas, where she was renowned for her stage performances.  She is a classically trained dancer who specializes in fosse jazz, tasteful sensual aerial pole and exotic floorwork, and an awesome passion for the safety of her students.

Shawn has spent the last 6 years developing and teaching her unique brand of PoleCat Power aerial dance progressions and transitions.  Every sexy step in this Slink, Slide, and Melt DVD has been designed for the way a woman’s body moves; including modifications for woman that have knee, lower back, or shoulder injuries.  She can help you feel sexy WHILE developing your strength and skills.  Shawn’s training and friendship changed my life and truly expanded my personal dance style beyond a workout into an art form.  And she can do it for you too!

In fact, I was so excited about Slink, Slide, and Melt, that I actually jumped up and down like a 3 year old when I found out she was filming.  And then I saw the DVD trailer!  Check it out and come right back here for the DVD details plus a great offer for all the ExpressTheSensual.Com subscribers…

Shawn and Carden Films have produced a beautiful HD DVD that showcases the amazing and unique art of Authentic Exotic Dance.  Slink, Slide, and Melt is designed for Every Woman with detailed instructions for over 40 exotic dance moves, modifications for special populations, and gorgeous slow motion HD photography. Whether you want to learn sexy transitions, create a stunning floor routine of pure feminine expression, or just add sensuous floor and wall work to your repertoire, this DVD is for you.  Slink, Slide, and Melt includes:

• Sexy Strutting – Walking the Walk
• Wild Wallwork – Sliding & Rolling with Ease
• Fabulous Floorwork – Becoming One with The Floor
• Creative Crawling – Avoiding the Knees
• Routines, Sequences, & Combinations you can do right away
• Using Clothing & Shoes to YOUR advantage
• Freestyle Performances by Shawn

Plus, a BONUS that no authentic instructional DVD offers right now…

The Doorway Dance

Just watching the raw footage of this Doorway routine convinced me to get a copy of this DVD, so you know it’s fucking good! Shawn promises that by the end of Slink, Slide, & Melt you will be able to EMBRACE, ENCHANT, ENTHRALL, & EMPOWER.

If you are a pole dancer, an aerial acrobat or just ready to trade your boring gym routine for some serious fun, you’ve got to get Slink, Slide and Melt!  So here’s the special deal I promised.

If you order through the BUY NOW link below and include my special offer code, you get 14% off the DVD cover price! Instead of paying $34.95, you get detailed instruction from a world renowned Exotic and Aerial Dance instructor in your living room for $29.95 plus shipping* and handling.  Remember, you can ONLY get this discount through ExpressTheSensual.Com and I don’t know if it’ll last more than a few weeks. Sorry, this deal has expired.  But you can still get Slink, Slide & Melt for the regular price of $34.95 US (plus shipping)! 

So click on the BUY NOW link, and get ready to Slink, Slide, and Melt today!

Slink, Slide, & Melt DVD – Domestic USA	out of stock, check back soon
Slink, Slide, & Melt DVD – International	out of stock, check back soon

Special Offer Code: ETSSSM06

*please allow 4-6weeks delivery

]]> http://www.expressthesensual.com/2009/07/07/slink-slide-melt-with-the-mistress-of-authentic-exotic-dance/feed/ 6 http://www.expressthesensual.com/2009/06/26/jks-extreme-pole-dancing-teaches-you-how-to-defy-gravity/ http://www.expressthesensual.com/2009/06/26/jks-extreme-pole-dancing-teaches-you-how-to-defy-gravity/#comments Fri, 26 Jun 2009 06:15:49 +0000 Yannori http://www.expressthesensual.com/?p=840

One of pole dancing’s best kept secrets is about to show up in your living room. The phenomenal JK is releasing an instructional pole dancing DVD to teach you 20 of her most amazing signature pole tricks in beautiful High Definition detail.

An adventurous aerial dancer, caring pole instructor, adamant pole safety advocate, and total sweetheart, JK has been working with PoleCat Power and Carden Films to bring you some of her most spectacular and rarely seen extreme pole tricks. Just in case you were hiding under a rock last year when JK’s first performance video came out, here it is to refresh your memory…

JK Defies Gravity from Urban Fertility Dancer on Vimeo.

JK’s new DVD, Extreme Pole Work, is designed for the advanced pole dancer with detailed instruction for each of her stunning signature spins, pole tricks, and aerial combinations. This DVD includes:

• Demonstration & detailed explanation of over 20 spectacular and extreme pole tricks (including the trick so amazing it’s only known as The 1:46)
• Prerequisite pole trick information to ensure you are ready to move into Extreme Pole Work
• Physiology, strength and pole safety tips and tricks
• Momentum development on Static vs Spinning Pole
• Advanced pole trick combinations including death defying aerial transitions
• JK’s performance of each trick at full speed and in crisp HD slow motion video

Plus, you’ll get some awesome Bonus features:

• A personal Q&A session with JK
• A stunning Slow Motion montage of every trick
• JK’s Unique and Authentic Pole Dance Performance

I got a sneak peak at this amazing DVD early this week and I was absolutely shocked at the clear HD video detail, structured pole trick break downs, and JK’s signature dance style performance. The HD slow motion montage is worth the DVD price alone (seriously fucking amazing). I love that it was filmed in an authentic Exotic Dance location (PJ’s Entertainment Club) and shows you how JK creates each smooth and sensual pole trick variation step by step. This DVD is honest, powerful, sexy, and showcases JK’s heartfelt instructional technique for every student.

Check out the trailer for JK’s Extreme Pole Work DVD right now and then I’ll tell you the special deal I’ve got for all my ExpressTheSensual.com subscribers…

This DVD is an absolute must have for every advanced pole dancer, but intermediate and beginner dancers will love it too. JK’s performances are inspiring and the pole safety and physiology details are critical for building a strong aerial dance foundation. Personally, I know I’ll be having a Pole Party just so my advanced students and I can watch JK’s long legs do The 1:46 in slow motion HD over and over and over again.

I know you want a copy of JK’s Extreme Pole Work right now, so I’ve managed to get a limited time offer from JK Defies Gravity just for the Express The Sensual pole dance addicts

If you order in the next two weeks using the Buy Now button below and include the following special code in the Notes section, you’ll only pay $29.95 + shipping and handling, instead of paying the regular price of $34.95 (US). That’s over 14% off the DVD cover price! But you’ve got to order JK’s Extreme Pole Work before the official release party on July 12th.

This promotion has expired, but you can still get JK’s Extreme Pole Work DVD for the low price of $34.95 (US).  The reviews are in, and it’s worth every penny!

JK Defies Gravity DVD – Domestic USA	coming soon
JK Defies Gravity DVD – International	coming soon

Special Offer Code: ETSXJK06

PoleSkivvies is one of those inspiring ladies you’ll want to follow on Twitter, watch on Youtube, and read on her awesome Pole Dancing Blog.  She’s fairly new to pole dancing (a little over 1 year dancing), makes KICK-ASS pole dancing shorts (that hide and protect all of your girly bits), and will encourage you to keep your pole dancing sexy, intuitive and raw. (I love RAW!)

So I decided to reach out to one of my favorite Pole Dance Enthusiasts, strip away her inhibitions & her shorts, and MAKE HER TALK!

1) What ignited Your Passion for pole dancing?

I had been belly dancing for 20 years, and then, out of the blue, I just got bored with it.  I still worked out, but I didn’t want to dance any more.  Luckily, a friend of a friend lent me The S Factor, and Sheila Kelley’s enthusiasm for stripping and pole reminding me of how I felt back when I had just begun to learn belly dancing.  It hooked me and I had my own pole in a matter of weeks!

2) Are there other forms of dance that you love?

I love belly dance and mix that into my pole dancing all the time.  I also absolutely ADORE burlesque.  In fact, that would be my main dance of choice, except I find I never get a good workout from it, since after every song you have to pause to gather up your clothes.  So pole lets me feel sexy and flirty, but actually get a workout.  Belly dance is the same – you can dance forever!

3) What is your favorite sensual sequence of movements?

I like sultry transition moves.  A sexy leg to one side with a hip swirl and a coy look to the audience are a great intro to a spin!

4) What is the hardest, most athletic pole trick that you have mastered?

Girl, I am not an advanced pole dancer.  And I haven’t mastered a single thing!  All I’m trying to do is get my body to do spins and a few climbs and inverts naturally enough so I can improv with the moves and play with pole the way I do with belly dance.  I have this vision in my head of how I want to combine the two, but I’m not there yet with pole – I have to keep working at it!

5) Describe the most exhilarating pole dancing session you have ever had?

Actually, it was my very first class!  I had been self-teaching for months, with tons of injuries and getting nowhere – I know lots of dancers teach themselves, but I am not one of them! – but I couldn’t figure out the worst thing, which was why I had no endurance.  I wasn’t out of shape, so why was I so out of breath in such a short time?  Well, the very first thing my teacher, Alena Downs, told me was that I was holding my wrist in the wrong position.  She told me the proper way to hold it, and my endurance went from like five minutes to 20 right then and there!  She said I had been causing my body to overwork and wear out quickly because I was injuring myself with the improper grip.  I just couldn’t believe she could make such a dramatic change for me so quickly – and all via Skype!

6) What inspires and motivates you to become a better pole dancer?

That vision in my head.  I want to be able to do what I see in my head!

7) Describe the perfect pole dancing attire.

PoleSkivvies pole dance shorts, of course! 

8 ) What made you realize that pole dancers need their own pole dancing shorts?

It was when I was starting to upload videos to youtube.  There are no pole classes where I live, so my pole buddies are all online, and sharing videos on youtube is what we all do.  Well, my workout clothing seemed fine, until I noticed in my videos that there was a huge gap in the crotch of the clothes I was wearing, flashing my lovely lady bits for all to see.  The more I explored things to wear, the more I disliked what I found.  I finally just decided to come up with my own shorts, especially designed with pole dancing in mind.

9) Who has influenced your pole dancing style the most?

Alena Downs, since she is my teacher.

10) What song makes you dance no matter where you are?

Anything burlesque!

11) Have you ever performed in front of an audience? Why or why not?

Yes.  As a belly dancer, I used to perform professionally, which was fantastic.  I did four 30-minute shows – all improvisational – every Saturday when I was in grad school.  I love an audience!  Now I go to the local pub, which has two great poles.  I’m the only one there (so far) who knows much about pole dancing, but I have a lot of fun.  I wish I were good enough to teach it, since so many women are interested.

I love pole dancing, but it’s the pole dancers that got me hooked. — PoleSkivvies

12) What is your favorite pole dancing DVD?

I especially like to watch Alena, Felix, and Jamilla.  I also love Olivia Shelster – she seems so fun and real – very inspiring!

13) Where do you discover new pole dancing tricks, transitions, and personal dance style?

I take class every other week with Alena and we work on different things.  Sometimes I’ll see something on youtube and ask her about it.  Sometimes we’ll try something new that she’s come up with.

14) How often do you dance?

Honestly, only about once a week.  I always feel like I should apologize for that, since pole dancers are such an athletic group of women.  But that’s really all my body can handle.  I always say I am such a delicate thing.        Really, though, I’m not trying to become professional-level in pole.  I just want to enjoy and stay in shape and try my hand at it.    In the end, I’ll get where I want to go – that’s what happened with belly dance.  I really was very blase about that for years – just went to class every week and never worked out at home (which I do with pole).  Yet it all came together in the end.

15) Do you prefer to dance alone or with a group?

ALONE.  I am absolutely a solo artist.  One, because I am an attention whore and, two, because I cannot remember routines well at all.   So, if I solo, then I can improv, which is my preference.

16) Platforms Heels, thigh high boots, sneakers, or bare feet?

Bare feet.

17) Do you have a sexy pole dancing name? *wink*

I wish I did!  I tried for years to have a cool belly dance name and never found one that suited me, either.  So, I’m just Jennifer or PoleSkivvies, depending on where people know me from.

18) Is pole dancing a secret obsession, a passion you shout from the rooftops to anyone who will listen, or just a fitness routine?

It’s like an all-encompassing worldview.  It’s my workout, it’s my business, it’s central to so many new buddies online, plus my favorite thing to do when I go out on the town.

19) Sprinkles, candied almonds, or chocolate sauce?

Candied almonds.  Yum!

20) What is the most important thing you’ve learned about yourself, about others, or about life through pole dancing?

That it’s about having fun and enjoying yourself.  Whenever I start feeling competitive or getting down on myself for not pushing myself enough, I always come back to a single thought:  what is my goal with this?  What do I want from it?  And for me, that’s a fun and exciting workout.

To read some of PoleSkivvies awesome articles and buy her Pole Dancing Shorts, check out http://poleskivvies.com.  She’ll show you…

• Sensuality, Sexuality, and Pole Dancing
  
• What Phone Sex Taught Her About Pole Dancing
• Why You Are The Best Pole Dancer In The World

and so much more!

Do you love your pair of PoleSkivvie’s Shorts? What is your favorite social media site for Pole Talk? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!