Express The Sensual

I have a confession to make… the reason I haven’t posted here for months (YIKES!) is because I finally gave up on trying to resolve the conflict I felt (and still feel to be totally honest) about the direction the pole dancing industry has taken.  I regularly feel alone, as if I’m the only pole dancer in the world that actually wants to watch and experience the true sensual nature of this glorious movement.  And I have to confess that I gave up. 

I quit.

I simply couldn’t take feeling like I was slowly being left behind by the art form that had changed my life so much.

And by quit, I mean quit.  I canceled all my pole dancing and booty popping workshops and let go of all  my private students except a few die hards.  I even tried to give up pole dancing completely.  I took down my pole at home and sold two of my extra poles.  I became a gym rat and an extreme yogini.  I even considered going into yoga teacher training.   But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to shake the need for sensual dance.  I started developing new sensual pelvic, hip, and arm movements (much to the chagrin and possible pleasure of other gym goers).  I started playing with the more tantric aspects of yoga (at home, because these can get pretty naughty .  I started looking with longing at the space where my pole used to be.

I realized I had to come back to sensual dance.

I had to come back to pole dance. I had to accept the fact that even if I was the only woman in the world who felt the joy of sensual movement, I still needed it in my life. So I put my damn pole back up and danced, soared, twirled, and flipped until I remembered why I came to pole dancing in the first place….

I wanted to feel sexy, I wanted to feel like a woman, and now I do again.

Intellectually, I know I’m not alone.

I still have some wonderful pole buddies, as well as my phenomenal pole students. (some of whom, I am supremely proud to say, have gone on to be phenomenal pole instructors! woohoo!)

But when I look around at all the pole studios this art has helped create, I see so many of them ignoring the sensual dance aspects, deliberately! Meaning, they actively look for ways to eliminate the sexual aspect of pole dancing.  They “cleanse” the sensuality from their own movements just so they can appeal to a larger part of the population.

And yes, I get it.  Pole Studios have to make money to survive. The more students you can get in the doors, the more likely you are to keep those doors open for business.  But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give those students the OPTION to experience their own sensuality through dance. Just because most people like vanilla ice cream doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be given other choices like chocolate, or tin roof sundae, or even rainbow sherbet.

I know that some of the senior instructors at many studios were once strippers themselves, or trained by strippers, or friends with strippers.  They know how much fun it is to dance playfully, charged with the sexual power of their own bodies.  Once you’ve experienced that, how can you ignore it?  How can you marginalize it?  How can you pretend that it doesn’t exist?  It’s like discovering how awesome an orgasm feels and then someone tells you sex is dirty, so you don’t ever have sex again. Seriously, that’s fucked up!

Is the truth so difficult to bear?

I am not saying that pole fitness is wrong and sensual pole dancing is right.  That’s like saying gymnastics is wrong and Cirque Du Soleil is right.  They are all legitimate, all beautiful, and all amazing.

I am saying that pushing your sensuality aside, ignoring the sexual aspects of pole dancing, or pretending that the whole pole industry didn’t start because a bunch of woman asked a bunch of strippers, “How the hell do you do that sexy upside-down shit on the pole?” is stupid. And it really hurts my feelings.

So here’s what I want, no let me rephrase that, here’s what I’m doing….

I’m going to keep trying to talk about this.  I’m going to keep trying to post my feelings about this.  I’m going to keep bringing up sensuality, sexuality, body acceptance, celebrating your cookie, and being the honest sexy woman that you already are.  (I’m even going to throw in the obvious phallic nature of a metal pole just for kicks).

But, I’m asking for something in return.

I’m asking for your help. Because I need to know if anybody else in the world gives a shit about feeling sexy.  Do you want to feel sexy?  Do you want to experience the world sensually, in a way that makes all your senses tingle with excitement and anticipation?  Do you want to be able to accept yourself and your life exactly as it is and learn to change it by playing with it?  Or do you want something else entirely?

What you want from pole dancing is really what you want from life, and I’m dying to find out if what I have to say can help you…

So if you’ve got a minute, can you leave a little comment and tell me what you want from pole dancing, or pole fitness, or life as a woman in general… because we all need to know that we’re not alone.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

I was listening to Tom Petty the other day and got more than a little nostalgic when he crooned:

I’m learning to fly, but I ain’t got wings Coming down is the hardest thing

Yes, I am a child of the 80s & 90s, but more importantly (and less age related), I was thinking of how luscious it felt to fly around my pole for the first time (and every time thereafter).  I remembered how much time I spent trying to force something that now feels effortless and filled with joy. Before, I would fight through my entire practice session, kicking and jumping into my flying tricks (a painful & damaging mistake)… with the result that I looked more like a fish flailing wildly through the air, instead of the beautiful undulating ribbon of a woman’s body that I envisioned.

Now, I happily take flight as gravity begs for mercy (depending slightly on pole grip).  But I feel a little sorrow when I think of how much energy I wasted frowning, stomping in frustration, and soothing the never ending bruises from bashing the pole in my arm, back, or butt AGAIN.

And I want to save you that frustration if I can.  Needless to say, flying is different depending upon the specific trick, whether its a one handed front hook, a reverse plank, or a flying dragon… But let’s consider it from both a physical and a philosophical viewpoint.

Physically, you need strength and lots of it.

To fly, you need strength to hold your shoulders down.  Strength to support your body with your rhomboids.  Strength to maintain a solid abdominal core that protects your spine while your body swirls and curves around the pole.

You also need control.  Control in your hands (because the death grip you’re using now is only going to strain your forearms).  Control of your hips so you know when to sweep your legs and when to stop.  And control of your fear.  Because fear is the little death that kills your dreams slowly. Fear wants to be the star of YOUR show.  But, YOU are the main attraction here.  Your fear isn’t even the understudy.

Accept your fear, but don’t be impressed by it, and it will dissolve into the background.

Your instructor should be able to help you with everything physically.  Whether you are working with a live person or a video, she should address all of your questions about technique, strength, and control.  Plus, she must discuss fear; how to recognize it and how to work beyond it.

Because, You won’t learn to fly until you realize you can.

Philosophically you need to release the outer world and become comfortable with your inner world…(Um, what the hell does that mean?!)

Consider a bird in flight.  As a bird begins to fly, it flaps it’s wings with strength, control, and technique.  Then it spreads it’s wings as far as it can and lets go.  It doesn’t fight the air currents, it finds the air currents and glides on them. Allowing knowledge and instinct to work together in harmony. The bird in flight recognizes the outer world (air, wind speed, height, etc) and rests in the deep seated internal belief that it has flown before and it can fly again.

You need the same belief.  The funny thing is, I know how close you are to flying right now.  It’s moments away, locked in your mind behind your fears.  Maybe you need to polish your control or build your strength a little more… but once you start to believe in yourself– strength, control, technique and flight will be close behind.

But you can’t force yourself to believe, because resistance only creates more resistance.

So what can you do?

You can pretend you believe until you convince yourself (not my favorite method, but some people have success with this one) or

You can recognize and celebrate every small step you take.  (Progress is progress whether your inner critic likes it or not.  And every small step proves that if you continue to follow the path you’re on, flying is an eventuality) or

You can just say fuck it.

You can set aside an hour to dance with joy and stop worrying whether or not flying tricks are in your future.  You can enjoy spending time with your shiny pole, knowing that you are a woman, tits to toes.  You can start giving in to the sensual nature in your heart.  You can start touching that inner world, feeling the comfort and freedom of resting within yourself, being whoever you are in that single, perfect moment. You can experiment with the external world of control, strength, and technique and simply invite your soul to play along.

Practice is what you do with your body, while your mind and soul learn to fly beyond your fears.

Are you ready to soar?

How did you overcome your fear of flying? What’s your favorite flying trick? Please share your opinions in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Oh god.  I am on a rampage.  If I have to read one more pole article that says  “if you notice pain in your wrists or shoulders after pole dancing, just make sure you use the other side” I might just scream.  Really, no REALLY?

Come on pole advice authors, please consult a physiologist or a book on progressive exercise training.  You can’t just “use the other side.”

You have to figure out where the injury came from in the first place or all you will be doing is INJURING THE OTHER SIDE!  Even better, figure out how to avoid the injury in the first place.

Proper Form before Playful Action

Yes, overuse is a major concern with pole dancing, but even more critical is improper form during overuse.  And perhaps, the student simply hasn’t built enough strength for that particular trick yet.  Pole instructors & students should consider these questions…

• Can you point out when your rotator cuff, rhomboids, lats, or core muscles are activated and in use?
• Do you know why the rhomboid muscles are critical to every spin you do?
• Do you know why you should NOT let your body hang from your rotator cuff muscles? (HINT: they are small *support* muscles that help you avoid dislocating your shoulder)
  
• Do you know how to ensure that your abdominal muscles are properly positioned to carry most of the weight, instead of just using your shoulder?
• Do you know how to develop these muscles BEFORE depending upon them to hold your body suspended off the floor?
  

I’m a big believer in building body balance into my training sessions: which means that I train every student to execute every spin in both the right and left hand directions. This technique balances the use of muscles on both sides of the body and does help avoid overuse. HOWEVER… my main concern is that each student understands the proper body form for each trick first. And even before learning the trick, we use strength training to develop the appropriate muscle groups.  This is called EXERCISE PROGRESSION  and I believe it’s a fundamental requirement of pole dance training.

My general method of exercise progression looks like this;

1. Learn which muscles you need to activate to accomplish the trick with both strength & flexibility
2. Learn how to activate these muscles in a safe environment, meaning with BOTH feet on the floor at a minimum.  (You don’t want to be upside down & suddenly ask yourself “Gee, where is my foot supposed to hook?” unless you like debilitating head injuries.)
3. Learn how to place your body into the appropriate form.  What goes where first?
4. Build strength in the key muscles while using the proper form & appropriate range of motion.
5. Learn the trick.
6. Over time, your body will develop an intuitive muscle memory for the proper form and you can learn the small changes that take a trick from enticing to delicious to breathtaking.

Make every step playful and fun along the way.

You can build abdominal strength with pelvic circles, pelvic isolation, and the fabulously flirty hurricane.  You can build flexibility in your hips with some seriously sexy booty popping exercises.  You can learn the proper body form for spins while you’ve got both feet on the floor doing some wonderfully *naughty* transitions called chugging.  (Think Ginger from Gilligan’s Island meets Betti Page, ROWR!)  These are some of my favorite dance moves, and I make sure my students know them so they can enjoy their strength, stamina, flexibility and sensuality all at the same time.

Progressive training can help make sure you don’t develop an injury from improper form OR overuse.  Progressive training can also help previously injured pole dancers recover their abilities and their strengths without getting injured again. Injury is a critical issue for the pole dancing community that I talk about with every new student. Your instructor should be able to discuss both recovery & modification options that are customized for you.

For your pole dance training, please search out an instructor who understands these things.  I learned to teach progressive pole training from Shawn Francis Lee, a classically trained dancer, a personal trainer, and a 20 year veteran of exotic dancing; and from Greg Welch, an exercise physiologist, faculty member of Cal State Fullerton, and AFAA board member.

If learning to pole dance is hurting you, then find out why.

First talk to your doctor or a physiologist and follow their advice.  Then speak to a knowledgeable pole instructor who understands your injury and can help you return to pole dancing with safety & with strength (and the permission of your doc).

I implore you, my beautiful fellow exotic dancers and awe inspiring aerialists, please, please, please don’t just “use the other side.”

Do you believe in Progressive Training? Have you ever had a pole dancing injury? Please share your opinions in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!