Sometimes your creative Muse is motivated, playful, filled with wild hip swaying, booty bumping energy.  Sometimes your Muse can’t wait to Dance, Dance, Dance.  Sometimes she has a love crazed hard-on (yes, I said it. Get over it.) to grab that pole and make the world beg for more.   And sometimes she couldn’t give a shit.

Sometimes, she looks at that shiny vertical shaft of steel (or titanium, or brass, or chrome) and all she can think about is how cold it probably is right now.  How she’ll have to pull out the yoga mat to warm up.  How tired she is. Or how long it would take to change out of her damn pajamas and into her booty shorts, tank, leg warmers, 6 inch heels, and sexy cover-up, let alone find all those things in her closet.  Le Sigh!

So instead, she decides to skip her workout and visit Twitter for a few last minute tweets before bed… and maybe a stop on youtube for a quick pole video from one of her favorite Sensualistas… and then over to Amazon to pick up that new awesome album by Adele…

But something happens.

Something unexpected, especially since she’s wearing slippers, a pink heart covered pajama shirt, and nothing remotely practical. A tingle, a tickle, an urge to move, travels slowly up her spine.  Now, the Muse is no stranger to random movement and assumes it’s just a simple reaction to Adele’s luscious voice singing “Turning Tables”  and “Set Fire to the Rain.”  But as one song leads to another, leads to another, she starts to feel constrained. Her body is too tight, with her legs folded and spine bent squarely, resting on the office chair. Her mind attempts to protest, “Dancing in slippers is simply too ridiculous, and, well, too  slippery.”  But the mind is too tired to put up a fight and the Muse, recognizing the unconscious call of passion, uncoils from it’s dark cave and says “Why the fuck not!”

The Muse still doesn’t give a shit; about training or warm-ups or working her abs or building her strength or any of that practical crap. It’s 10pm at night for goodness sake, and she’s tired.  But that doesn’t mean she’s uninspired.  In fact, now is her chance… to be Deliberately Lazy, Deliciously Dirty, Undeniably Sexy for no damn reason other than she fucking feels like it.

The conscious mind pops out of it’s sleepy stupor to remind the Muse that she’s in no position to be making difficult demands like inverting or pole ups and then goes back to sleep.  But the Muse has no need for difficult tricks.  She just wants to MOVE, BE, BREATH.  The Muse wants to remind us to Live in the Moment because it’s the only one we’ve got.

And so she slinks. Over to the pole for slow, delicious, pelvic circles that take forever.  No, longer than forever.

She slides over to the wall (even easier than usual thanks to her slippery slippers) and paints passion into the air.

Breathing deeply, living for movement, tugging on those pink heart pajamas, dragging her fingers through her hair.

Dancing with sweetness, dancing with compassion, dancing with the steady, slow energy of the quiet night until she can’t remember her own name.

And when the night changes it’s melody from the cooling tones of Adele to the butt bumping beats of Kanye, Katy Perry, and some kind of ET alien invasion…

She gives in to that too.

Sometimes you have to give in the Muse fully, completely, without fear and simply trust that your body knows exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.

BTW, if you can say the title of this post 10 times fast without messing up (to me live, on the phone or in person), I’ll give you a free 30 min Yoga or Pole Private on Skype. No foolin’! PRACTICE FIRST and then contact me to set up a time or just leave a note in the comments.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

No one critiques her.  No one holds up signs that say 8 or 9.5. No one would even consider saying something negative at a pole party (especially at the fabulous birthday party I went to last night at Siren Fitness.)

The Demon’s Playground?

But when we move this whole experience and rename it from Party to Class, our inner demons surface. Instead of playfulness we become overly serious.  Instead of experimental we become regimental.  Instead of cultivating acceptance of ourselves and our bodies, we become judgmental, critical, and frustrated.

One of the key issues that every teacher struggles with is how to create an environment where woman will let go of all that self judgment.  We use encouragement, positive feedback, and try to teach by example.  Some dance studios encourage Las Vegas Rules, ie what happens in class stays in class.  Students can share generalities and their own experience with their family and friends, but not the names of other students or whether Stacy’s invert is better than Jane’s.

The Big NGE

But in the end, everything still comes down to one woman and her thoughts of being Not Good Enough. And don’t kid yourself, every woman struggles with Not Good Enough.  Even if she has managed to slay this demon, the damn thing usually has babies and no matter how cute and fuzzy they may seem in the beginning, eventually they’ll start sprouting six heads, shark teeth, and menacing poison tipped spikes. (I know this sounds all doom and gloom, but I promise there’s a happy ending…no not THAT kind of happy ending.  Geez!)

You’re Not Alone

I’ve been pole dancing for 10 years, teaching pole for 6 years, taking dance movement classes since I was 12 years old and I still regularly experience Not Good Enough.  In fact, some days it’s all I experience.  I’ll go to class feeling relaxed and ready to experiment, attempt a pole spin I’ve done a million times and totally bomb it.  At this point, I can usually get up, dust myself off, and try again. But by the third try, if I’m still unsuccessful, my NGE Demon will shake itself awake and start snarling at me.  It’s beady red eyes will glow as it says “You’ve got to extend, silly girl! Look at how weak you are? I told you this would happen if you ate that slice of chocolate cake last Saturday!  At least try to point your damn toes and fall gracefully! “

However, for me, the worst of the worst, the nastiest of the nasty, is the Not Good Enough demon from hell that I experience when I’m teaching.  Now, I LOVE teaching.  In fact, I’m working very hard to make teaching movement my full time job.  But when I’m teaching, it is my job to make sure every woman in my class has an awesome experience.  I need to ensure every woman understands the technique we’re working on, the safety issues associated with it, and all the different layers that turn a mechanical movement into a sensual pole spin. I WANT her to have a good time…. but I can’t MAKE her have a good time. Which means whenever a student is struggling with her NGE Demon, I’m struggling with mine.  My Teaching NGE Demon says “Quick, quick!  Help her for goodness sake.  What sort of a teacher are you?  Can’t you see she’s struggling because you didn’t explain it well enough?”

The White Knight Comes to your Rescue

I wish I could tell you that after years and years of pole dance practice, the feeling of being Not Good Enough goes away.  I wish I could tell you that if you conquer the beast once, it will never rear it’s ugly head again.  I WISH I could tell you that, but I can’t.  And I wish I could tell you that some sexy, gallant man is going to ride in at just the right moment, shove a pike into the belly of the demon and whisk you away to a huge castle with a room full of Louboutin shoes.  Instead you’re going to have to learn how to strap on a sword… because You are the White Knight.

The only person who can rescue you from your NGE demon is you.  And here’s the light at the end of the tunnel: Slaying the demon isn’t easy, but it’s does get easier.

Arm Thyself, Sensual Warrior

The number one way I have found to kill the feeling of being Not Good Enough, is Aparigraha.  No, I’m not speaking in tongues, well maybe I am a little. Aparigraha is a concept from Tantric Yoga which basically means non-attachment or non-clinging.  For me, Aparigraha is the cultivation of acceptance that all things in life will change.  All things are ethereal. Today can never be exactly like yesterday and tomorrow doesn’t exist yet.  It means JUST FOR TODAY, let go of the past.  JUST FOR TODAY, let go of your judgment.  JUST FOR TODAY, let go of your fantasies for the future (also known as expectations). Because, if you hold on to everything with a death grip, you’ll lose the one ability that makes us alive, the ability to change.

So when the Not Good Enough Demon attacks you, pull out your sword (of compassion) and kill him with kindness. JUST FOR THIS BREATH, accept life without resistance because you still have the power to change. In fact, the world is conspiring with you.  That’s why it promises that this moment in your life won’t be anything like the last one, or anything like the moment before that.

You have the freedom to choose something new every time you take a breath. Instead of judging yourself as Not Good Enough, simply accept that something happened that you didn’t want to happen.  It already happened.  You already lived through it, successfully(!) and now you have more information, more knowledge, more understanding.  Let it go, learn from it, and make a new choice.

Queen of the Compassionate Castle

I know how difficult it is to accept yourself in the heat of frustration, as you fail to achieve that perfect pole spin, that perfect advanced invert, or that perfect extension in the pose. Try to practice taking a breath.  One breath, leads to another, leads to another. Take just a moment to feel compassion and say to yourself…

Just for this breath, I let go of self judgment.

Just for this breath, I am Good Enough.

When do you experience the Demon of Not Good Enough and what sort of weapons of compassion do you use against him? Tell your demon slayer stories in the comments.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Striped or Polka Dotted, Thigh High or Anklets, Cotton or Silk; socks are one of my favorite tools of sensual exploration. And if that sounds dirty, then you’re definitely in the right state of mind.

Cold toes suck!

Back when I first started pole dancing, I learned my beginner moves barefoot, and I absolutely hated it.  I missed my comfy tennis shoes, I missed my ankle support, and I really missed my oh-so-warm socks.  Later, after I’d learned how to climb and float around the pole, I understood the importance of training shoeless.  So, I started using foot undeez, a special pad jazz & ballet dancers use, to help protect the balls of the feet.

But I missed having warm, comfy toes. In fact, I regularly found that just the idea of dancing in a cold studio made me want to skip out on a practice session altogether.  Sometimes, I’d just have to force myself to deal with freezing toes until the heat of movement finally warmed things up.  I still shiver with goosebumps at the thought of that cold, icy floor.

It doesn’t have to be that way though, especially if you’re willing to explore the more slippery option of socks.

First, I LOVE the sensuality of socks

They come in all shapes, sizes, heights, colors, patterns, and materials.  Whether you love cute little hearts and red bows, scary vampire kisses, crew cut stripes, or sexy black thigh highs, there is a sock for you.  You can use them to dress-up as a sweet school girl, naughty librarian, or sexy referee.  You can express a mood like anger with skulls and crossbones, or playfulness with tie died colors.  Socks can have silk ribbons at the top or fluffy pompoms down the back or even pink cuban heels. And most importantly, socks keep your toes warm and build body heat in your leg muscles even before you start moving.

I have an entire drawer of socks just for dancing.  I usually take two or three different pairs with me to class, because I never know what I’ll be in the mood for.  In the summer, I love to wear a pair of striped thigh highs with my booty shorts peeping out from under a long red sweatshirt.   In the winter, I usually pull out a pair of wild knee high zebra socks to wear under my yoga pants (and give my yoga instructor a little tease).  During football season, I’ve even got a special pair of red and white striped anklets just to celebrate my favorite 49ers.

Second, socks are slippery

When I rediscovered socks, I found a new way of dancing.  Socks give you the ability to slide and slink across the floor.  They remove that sticky, annoying friction between the floor and your legs or feet.  So when you crawl, you can support more of your body weight on your legs and still slide sensuously across the floor.  When you spin, you can easily pivot on the balls of your feet.  And when you slide down the pole, you can create a continuous transition from standing to sitting.

Yes, climbing is almost impossible with socks and I definitely don’t recommend beginners attempt any inverted moves while wearing socks. But there’s so much more to life than inverts ladies!

Socks make your floorwork seamless and sensual. They give you the ability to showcase your flexibility as you slip from one pose  to the next.  With socks, you can transition from laying on your belly into a sexy V plank pose just by sliding on the tops of your feet.  Or slink from a kneeling pose in to the splitz by letting you legs slip along the floor.  And they are absolutely essential if you’re a booty popper like me who loves to “Back dat ass up.” (a truly naughty dance move where you rest on your knees, slide and pop your booty all at once)

Third, socks work your abs

Although you may not believe me now, slip on a pair of socks, and you’ll soon realize that your core muscles are key to staying in control. Socks remove the friction between you and the floor or pole.  Which means it’s absolutely critical that you use your abdominals to balance and slow down your movements.  Socks require you to ground the body while you stand or walk. They help  you to focus on your center of gravity while you twirl on your toes.  And they give you that deliberately lazy quality inherent in sensual dancing, stripping, and powerful feminine movement.

You can explore this by simply donning a pair of your favorite socks and trying to hold a plank pose.  Once you have your balance, experiment with maintaining the position of your torso while you slide your feet around. You’ll instantly notice how much harder your abs have to work while your feet are sliding and how much slower your movements become. Simply practicing with socks during your regular floorwork can help you develop power, technique, and more control in all other aspects of your movement.

Finally, socks give you freedom

If you’re ignoring improvisational dance, intuitive movement, or your sensual instincts, you’re skipping one of the most  powerful training techniques ever created. And socks, by their very nature allow the body to move in unexpected ways.

While you practice with socks, you might find you accidentally slide to the left, or wobble while you spin, or have to figure out a way to quickly transition to the floor.  Falling is an ever present safety issue, and taking the time to practice how to slow down your movements if your foot slips out from under you is a necessary evil.  Socks give you a way to do this when you’re actually expecting it.

Exploration is the spice of life.  It’s so important to keep your mind, body, and spirit open to the possibilities of doing it differently; no matter what IT might be.  And sensual movement cultivates our ability to move differently, live differently, be different from what society or the rest of the world might dictate.

But if you only move your body as your teacher demonstrates and you never explore your own abilities with playfulness, openness, and the permission to make a mistake, you’ll never discover your true capabilities- the luscious, unique, and sometimes powerful emotions that only you can express through dance.  Sometimes you need to add a new element, a new prop, to encourage your body and mind to find those new capabilities, to walk the path of life with a sexy stride and rainbow dream striped socks.

It’s time you gave yourself a delicious new challenge. Pull on a pair of socks and I’ll see you on the dance floor (and hopefully in the comments section too).

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

I quit.

I simply couldn’t take feeling like I was slowly being left behind by the art form that had changed my life so much.

And by quit, I mean quit.  I canceled all my pole dancing and booty popping workshops and let go of all  my private students except a few die hards.  I even tried to give up pole dancing completely.  I took down my pole at home and sold two of my extra poles.  I became a gym rat and an extreme yogini.  I even considered going into yoga teacher training.   But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to shake the need for sensual dance.  I started developing new sensual pelvic, hip, and arm movements (much to the chagrin and possible pleasure of other gym goers).  I started playing with the more tantric aspects of yoga (at home, because these can get pretty naughty .  I started looking with longing at the space where my pole used to be.

I realized I had to come back to sensual dance.

I had to come back to pole dance. I had to accept the fact that even if I was the only woman in the world who felt the joy of sensual movement, I still needed it in my life. So I put my damn pole back up and danced, soared, twirled, and flipped until I remembered why I came to pole dancing in the first place….

I wanted to feel sexy, I wanted to feel like a woman, and now I do again.

Intellectually, I know I’m not alone.

I still have some wonderful pole buddies, as well as my phenomenal pole students. (some of whom, I am supremely proud to say, have gone on to be phenomenal pole instructors! woohoo!)

But when I look around at all the pole studios this art has helped create, I see so many of them ignoring the sensual dance aspects, deliberately! Meaning, they actively look for ways to eliminate the sexual aspect of pole dancing.  They “cleanse” the sensuality from their own movements just so they can appeal to a larger part of the population.

And yes, I get it.  Pole Studios have to make money to survive. The more students you can get in the doors, the more likely you are to keep those doors open for business.  But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give those students the OPTION to experience their own sensuality through dance. Just because most people like vanilla ice cream doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be given other choices like chocolate, or tin roof sundae, or even rainbow sherbet.

I know that some of the senior instructors at many studios were once strippers themselves, or trained by strippers, or friends with strippers.  They know how much fun it is to dance playfully, charged with the sexual power of their own bodies.  Once you’ve experienced that, how can you ignore it?  How can you marginalize it?  How can you pretend that it doesn’t exist?  It’s like discovering how awesome an orgasm feels and then someone tells you sex is dirty, so you don’t ever have sex again. Seriously, that’s fucked up!

Is the truth so difficult to bear?

I am not saying that pole fitness is wrong and sensual pole dancing is right.  That’s like saying gymnastics is wrong and Cirque Du Soleil is right.  They are all legitimate, all beautiful, and all amazing.

I am saying that pushing your sensuality aside, ignoring the sexual aspects of pole dancing, or pretending that the whole pole industry didn’t start because a bunch of woman asked a bunch of strippers, “How the hell do you do that sexy upside-down shit on the pole?” is stupid. And it really hurts my feelings.

So here’s what I want, no let me rephrase that, here’s what I’m doing….

I’m going to keep trying to talk about this.  I’m going to keep trying to post my feelings about this.  I’m going to keep bringing up sensuality, sexuality, body acceptance, celebrating your cookie, and being the honest sexy woman that you already are.  (I’m even going to throw in the obvious phallic nature of a metal pole just for kicks).

But, I’m asking for something in return.

I’m asking for your help. Because I need to know if anybody else in the world gives a shit about feeling sexy.  Do you want to feel sexy?  Do you want to experience the world sensually, in a way that makes all your senses tingle with excitement and anticipation?  Do you want to be able to accept yourself and your life exactly as it is and learn to change it by playing with it?  Or do you want something else entirely?

What you want from pole dancing is really what you want from life, and I’m dying to find out if what I have to say can help you…

So if you’ve got a minute, can you leave a little comment and tell me what you want from pole dancing, or pole fitness, or life as a woman in general… because we all need to know that we’re not alone.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

I’m learning to fly, but I ain’t got wings Coming down is the hardest thing

Yes, I am a child of the 80s & 90s, but more importantly (and less age related), I was thinking of how luscious it felt to fly around my pole for the first time (and every time thereafter).  I remembered how much time I spent trying to force something that now feels effortless and filled with joy. Before, I would fight through my entire practice session, kicking and jumping into my flying tricks (a painful & damaging mistake)… with the result that I looked more like a fish flailing wildly through the air, instead of the beautiful undulating ribbon of a woman’s body that I envisioned.

Now, I happily take flight as gravity begs for mercy (depending slightly on pole grip).  But I feel a little sorrow when I think of how much energy I wasted frowning, stomping in frustration, and soothing the never ending bruises from bashing the pole in my arm, back, or butt AGAIN.

And I want to save you that frustration if I can.  Needless to say, flying is different depending upon the specific trick, whether its a one handed front hook, a reverse plank, or a flying dragon… But let’s consider it from both a physical and a philosophical viewpoint.

Physically, you need strength and lots of it.

To fly, you need strength to hold your shoulders down.  Strength to support your body with your rhomboids.  Strength to maintain a solid abdominal core that protects your spine while your body swirls and curves around the pole.

You also need control.  Control in your hands (because the death grip you’re using now is only going to strain your forearms).  Control of your hips so you know when to sweep your legs and when to stop.  And control of your fear.  Because fear is the little death that kills your dreams slowly. Fear wants to be the star of YOUR show.  But, YOU are the main attraction here.  Your fear isn’t even the understudy.

Accept your fear, but don’t be impressed by it, and it will dissolve into the background.

Your instructor should be able to help you with everything physically.  Whether you are working with a live person or a video, she should address all of your questions about technique, strength, and control.  Plus, she must discuss fear; how to recognize it and how to work beyond it.

Because, You won’t learn to fly until you realize you can.

Philosophically you need to release the outer world and become comfortable with your inner world…(Um, what the hell does that mean?!)

Consider a bird in flight.  As a bird begins to fly, it flaps it’s wings with strength, control, and technique.  Then it spreads it’s wings as far as it can and lets go.  It doesn’t fight the air currents, it finds the air currents and glides on them. Allowing knowledge and instinct to work together in harmony. The bird in flight recognizes the outer world (air, wind speed, height, etc) and rests in the deep seated internal belief that it has flown before and it can fly again.

You need the same belief.  The funny thing is, I know how close you are to flying right now.  It’s moments away, locked in your mind behind your fears.  Maybe you need to polish your control or build your strength a little more… but once you start to believe in yourself– strength, control, technique and flight will be close behind.

But you can’t force yourself to believe, because resistance only creates more resistance.

So what can you do?

You can pretend you believe until you convince yourself (not my favorite method, but some people have success with this one) or

You can recognize and celebrate every small step you take.  (Progress is progress whether your inner critic likes it or not.  And every small step proves that if you continue to follow the path you’re on, flying is an eventuality) or

You can just say fuck it.

You can set aside an hour to dance with joy and stop worrying whether or not flying tricks are in your future.  You can enjoy spending time with your shiny pole, knowing that you are a woman, tits to toes.  You can start giving in to the sensual nature in your heart.  You can start touching that inner world, feeling the comfort and freedom of resting within yourself, being whoever you are in that single, perfect moment. You can experiment with the external world of control, strength, and technique and simply invite your soul to play along.

Practice is what you do with your body, while your mind and soul learn to fly beyond your fears.

Are you ready to soar?

How did you overcome your fear of flying? What’s your favorite flying trick? Please share your opinions in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Oh god.  I am on a rampage.  If I have to read one more pole article that says  “if you notice pain in your wrists or shoulders after pole dancing, just make sure you use the other side” I might just scream.  Really, no REALLY?

Come on pole advice authors, please consult a physiologist or a book on progressive exercise training.  You can’t just “use the other side.”

You have to figure out where the injury came from in the first place or all you will be doing is INJURING THE OTHER SIDE!  Even better, figure out how to avoid the injury in the first place.

Proper Form before Playful Action

Yes, overuse is a major concern with pole dancing, but even more critical is improper form during overuse.  And perhaps, the student simply hasn’t built enough strength for that particular trick yet.  Pole instructors & students should consider these questions…

• Can you point out when your rotator cuff, rhomboids, lats, or core muscles are activated and in use?
• Do you know why the rhomboid muscles are critical to every spin you do?
• Do you know why you should NOT let your body hang from your rotator cuff muscles? (HINT: they are small *support* muscles that help you avoid dislocating your shoulder)
  
• Do you know how to ensure that your abdominal muscles are properly positioned to carry most of the weight, instead of just using your shoulder?
• Do you know how to develop these muscles BEFORE depending upon them to hold your body suspended off the floor?
  

I’m a big believer in building body balance into my training sessions: which means that I train every student to execute every spin in both the right and left hand directions. This technique balances the use of muscles on both sides of the body and does help avoid overuse. HOWEVER… my main concern is that each student understands the proper body form for each trick first. And even before learning the trick, we use strength training to develop the appropriate muscle groups.  This is called EXERCISE PROGRESSION  and I believe it’s a fundamental requirement of pole dance training.

My general method of exercise progression looks like this;

1. Learn which muscles you need to activate to accomplish the trick with both strength & flexibility
2. Learn how to activate these muscles in a safe environment, meaning with BOTH feet on the floor at a minimum.  (You don’t want to be upside down & suddenly ask yourself “Gee, where is my foot supposed to hook?” unless you like debilitating head injuries.)
3. Learn how to place your body into the appropriate form.  What goes where first?
4. Build strength in the key muscles while using the proper form & appropriate range of motion.
5. Learn the trick.
6. Over time, your body will develop an intuitive muscle memory for the proper form and you can learn the small changes that take a trick from enticing to delicious to breathtaking.

Make every step playful and fun along the way.

You can build abdominal strength with pelvic circles, pelvic isolation, and the fabulously flirty hurricane.  You can build flexibility in your hips with some seriously sexy booty popping exercises.  You can learn the proper body form for spins while you’ve got both feet on the floor doing some wonderfully *naughty* transitions called chugging.  (Think Ginger from Gilligan’s Island meets Betti Page, ROWR!)  These are some of my favorite dance moves, and I make sure my students know them so they can enjoy their strength, stamina, flexibility and sensuality all at the same time.

Progressive training can help make sure you don’t develop an injury from improper form OR overuse.  Progressive training can also help previously injured pole dancers recover their abilities and their strengths without getting injured again. Injury is a critical issue for the pole dancing community that I talk about with every new student. Your instructor should be able to discuss both recovery & modification options that are customized for you.

For your pole dance training, please search out an instructor who understands these things.  I learned to teach progressive pole training from Shawn Francis Lee, a classically trained dancer, a personal trainer, and a 20 year veteran of exotic dancing; and from Greg Welch, an exercise physiologist, faculty member of Cal State Fullerton, and AFAA board member.

If learning to pole dance is hurting you, then find out why.

First talk to your doctor or a physiologist and follow their advice.  Then speak to a knowledgeable pole instructor who understands your injury and can help you return to pole dancing with safety & with strength (and the permission of your doc).

I implore you, my beautiful fellow exotic dancers and awe inspiring aerialists, please, please, please don’t just “use the other side.”

Do you believe in Progressive Training? Have you ever had a pole dancing injury? Please share your opinions in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

In an effort to understand both sides of the Pol’ympics Debate, I decided to compile a list of the related articles that were written by people WITHIN our pole dancing community.  I ignored all articles outside our community, whether they were pro or con Pole Dancing in the Olympics, simply because the majority of them were either general news, studio promotion articles, or derogatory to pole dancing in any form.

What I found is rather surprising.  Although many people feel strongly about this topic, there are very few people who are speaking about it publicly.  Most articles for Pole Dancing in the Olympics were created either within one of the pole dancing federations or by a journalist who had read the petition.  What I have NOT found is instructors and performers giving THEIR passionate reasons for promoting pole dancing in the Olympics. This obviously concerns me.

I feel VERY strongly about this art form.  I feel VERY strongly about how it is portrayed in the media.  I know I’m not alone in these feelings of passion and concern (as evidenced by the reported 4000 petition signatures).  I certainly see other Pole Leaders speaking publicly about why they DON’T want Pole Dancing in the Olympics.  But, why can’t I find the impassioned blogs of those who DO want Pole Dancing in the Olympics?

Yes, I see the petitions … Yes, I see the politically correct documents… Yes, I see the press releases.  I want to understand your opinion, but more importantly, I want to hear it without the legal mumbo jumbo and PR material.  How can the Pole Associations expect to develop or standardize the pole dancing industry if they aren’t speaking to US, the pole dancers? More importantly, how will society (& the Olympic committee) respond to a petition when there is little to no PUBLIC discussion within our community?

Forget about the Olympics for a minute.  Many pole dancing associations are hoping to standardize pole trick names and develop pole safety regulations.  But how are you going to explain your reasons for defining one trick as a fireman spin instead of a skater spin?  How are you going to convince me to use a 4 inch thick pole mat instead of the aerial & gymnastic standard 6 inch thick mat?

How are these Pole Leaders going to communicate and discuss their platform or their opinions to the pole dancing community? I WANT to know the awesome ideas you have for developing, changing, maybe even revolutionizing The Art of Pole Dancing.  And I want to have a healthy, open debate about it.

So, whether you are For Pole Dancing in the Olympics, Against Pole Dancing in the Olympics, or On The Fence… if you send me a link to your blog with your Pol’ympic opinion (not an article written by a journalist please) then I’ll post it here.

I applaud those pole leaders who have posted their opinion no matter which side of the debate they are on.  My goal with this article is to encourage this discussion in an effort to build a platform of open communication… because Pole & Exotic Dance is a very young industry (compared to gymnastics, aerial, ballet, bellydance, etc.) and we’ve got a LOT to talk about. We’re all listening….

For Pole Dancing in the Olympics

• KT Coates – Pole Dancing in the Olympics
• Pole in the Olympics Teaser video – Pole in The Olympics
• Pole Fitness Association -  Olympic Effort
• Interview of Collette Kakuk – Pole Dancing Will Need a Makeover for the Olympics
• Kylea Killeen – Pole Dancing in the Olympics
  

Against Pole Dancing in the Olympics

• Jamilla Deville – Polympics
• Adam Jay – Pole Dancing in the Olympics
• Bubble & Facebook group manifesto – Pole Dancers who DON’T want Pole to be in the Olympics
• and my own article – No, I won’t sign your Pol’ympics Petition
• Kristen (Dolphin Dance) – Pole “Dance” in the Olympics

On The Fence

• Claire Griffin Sterrett – Olympic Size Debate
• PoleSkivvies – Pole Dancing in the Olympics
• Polespection by Journey – Olympics???
• Lori Meyers – Weighing in on the Debate
• Climb & Spin – Pole Dancing In the Olympics? Yay or Nay?
  

BTW, if you want to see some of the non-pole blogs I didn’t include because they were derogatory check out this link.  I caution you that many of these bloggers don’t understand our industry or our art form AT ALL.  But I’m including the link to be complete.

Please share your (respectful and honest) opinions in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Ladies, you know I love the art of pole dancing, the delicious joy of moving a sensuous curvy feminine body.  But I cannot and will not sign or support Pole Dancing in the Olympics. You can throw sticks and stones if you disagree, but names will never hurt me.

Truly, I can’t understand why our community feels the need to “legitimize” pole dancing as a sport.  Pole dancing is about reconnecting with our lost femininity.  It’s about discovering that we don’t need to be afraid of the natural curves of our body.  It’s about learning and expressing our true sensual style in a safe and caring environment. When we each discovered pole dancing, something about this movement captured our hearts and titillated our senses.  I know the ladies who created this petition understand that, but I really don’t see how developing it into an Olympic sport will maintain that passionate spirit.

Why must pole dancing be “legitimized?”  Is the passion and intensity you feel while dancing “legitimate”?  Is the stretch you feel in your legs and back as you invert & brush your hand across your hips a luscious expression of your life… or is it “legitimate”?  I don’t care if society defines it as “legitimate”…when I dance, I feel what I feel.   I understand why the world of corporations and bureaucracy needs legitimate documents, legitimate processes, and legitimate products…..  but we don’t need that kind of distinction here.

In fact, I feel a certain amount of anger that someone might take this beautiful art form and scrub it of it’s sensual feminine components — Because that is the only way it will be accepted by the Olympic masses.  No more heels, no more booty shorts, no more bodystrings.   No more pelvic circles or hair whipping.  And I’m sure the Olympic panel won’t allow you to let your fingers glide along your curves either.  God forbid you touch your own body!

Perhaps the pole community is trying to find a way to expose more people to our beautiful art form?  But, most pole studios only allow students that are 18 years and older for a reason.  You can’t ignore the roots of this dance, which come from aerial, acrobatics, circus, bellydance, and STRIPPING. I’m not ashamed of those roots and I don’t want to remove the flavor and style that those roots impart.  I want to share it with others BECAUSE of that fabulous flavor and sexy style.

Maybe I feel this way because I’m a pole DANCER instead of a pole TRICKSTER…. Because I focus on the feminine, sensual, dance aspect of this beautiful art form instead of it’s athletic/gymnastic aspects…. Because I prefer continuous movement that celebrates the seamless transitions and emotional expression of life just as much as the gorgeous variety of tricks.

Would you call Cirque Du Soleil a sport?  Would you call Ballet a sport? Would you call BellyDance a sport?  Or would you need them “legitimized” as a sport?  I would call them art.  The expression of art is about how it makes the artist and the audience feel — not about how many points the artist can earn.

Obviously, gymnastics is defined as a sport. And if all they want is to take the gymnastic aspect of pole dancing into the Olympics, then I wish them luck.  But, this will completely take the DANCE out of it; and I respectfully request that they don’t call it pole DANCING anymore.  Call it Pole Gymnastics or Gymnastics Pole.  A little vocabulary change could make a big difference.

I realize I’m a small voice in a minority here, and my interest isn’t to incite a flame war on my blog.  I very much understand why other pole dancers are trying to share our movement with the world, I just don’t agree with the way they wish to do it. In fact, I’m actually in tears now, hoping some of you will understand how precious this dance form is to me.  It’s a beautiful movement that has helped me create a life of playfulness, confidence, and sensuality.  It’s a major reason why I’m not afraid of my body or my sexuality anymore.

Pole & Exotic Dance has opened me up to the inherent sensual nature of life and my path within that life as a woman (instead of the androgynous person trying to be “better than a man” that I used to be).  I don’t want to steal the athletic Pole Trickster’s right to share her awesome gymnastic ability with the world, but I don’t want someone to take away my ART of Pole & Exotic Dance either.

So, I urge you to consider how pole dancing will change, before you sign a “Pole Dancing in the Olympics” petition. Is this really the best way to share this art form with the world around you, when there are so many other ways.  I believe it’s as simple as turning to the woman sitting next to you and telling her your amazing story.  I know I’d love to hear it.

Do You disagree?  Please share your (respectful and honest) opinions in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

I was reading an article from my sweet friend Poleskivvies about how posting videos to Youtube has made her suddenly body conscious and feeling the need for therapy. And I felt compelled to plunk my big ass down on the therapy couch right next to her.

Jennifer says…

“God, how I hate telling you this. Why? Because it’s a body image thing. And I’m supposed to be over that. I’m supposed to be all confident in how I look and never have a weak moment about it. Yea, right.”

Now, you all know how much I love my ass.  I talk about it all the time.  How it used to be bigger, and now it’s a bit smaller, but still rather curvy.  And I freaking love how it makes me feel like a real woman.  Sometimes I even wax poetic about it (although I usually keep most of my ass poems to myself).  But I want to share how I feel about my ass (and my body) when I make a video.  The process goes something like this…

[before making the video]
Yeah! I’m going to make a video tonight.  I’m so excited.  I’ve got my camera and lighting set up.  And a new playlist to help me fly around that pole.  Ready, Set, Go!

[while making the video]
I’m dancing and I don’t care if there’s a camera over there.  Fuck that camera.  I don’t have to post this.  This is for me.

[after making the video]
ooh, that felt so awesome. I can’t wait to watch it.  I want to watch it NOW.

[2 seconds after starting to watch the video]
Jeez.  Why didn’t somebody tell me that I suck.  I mean, seriously, look at my butt.  How many freaking biscuits did I have to eat over the holidays to make my ass look so damn huge.  And that invert was awful.  Dammit.  I knew I wasn’t doing enough ab work lately.  I hate my abs!  They look so mushy.  ugh.  I can’t post this shit.  Forget it.  I’m never making another video again.

At this point in the process, I pretty much hate everything I see

I usually roll my eyes, stand up from my desk in a huff, and go take a shower to calm me down and clean off the sweat from (what I thought before I saw the video) was a great pole session.

And then epiphany, self realization, I kill the Buddha

After the shower, I realize that I just spent 2 hours dancing, flying, twirling, and whirling.  That it felt pretty damn good to challenge myself.  That I love being creative, even if it means messing up an old trick because I’m trying to do something new.  And that I’m definitely going to do all that awesome shit again, because I’m totally fucking addicted to playing on a 9 foot tall metal pole. This is when I watch the video a second time.

[after the epiphany]
Hey, I love the way I transitioned from that new spin into an invert.  I want to practice smoothing that out.  Hmm, I might want to add some more lat and shoulder strengthening moves into my workout to help me accomplish that move.  Damn I love how legwarmers make my thighs look thinner.  Ooh, I got a bit racy at the end when I took my tank top off.  I’d rather cut that part and keep it in the private vault.

A bunch of learning happens

Not everything makes it to the videos I post.  In fact, I have (literally) years worth of video that will never, ever, see the light of a computer monitor because I feel self conscious about my body.  But I love the immediate feedback I get when I watch these videos.  I can use these videos to fix things, discover new movements, and decide how to keep moving my pole dancing practice forward.

But I still have doubts and fears.  Doubts I don’t always talk about, fears I don’t always show.

Society says I’m “supposed” to be a strong woman and maintain a positive body image at all times.  But can I really trust such a conflicting message from a society where a supermodel can be fired by Ralph Loren because she isn’t a size 0 and doesn’t fit into their clothes anymore? Where almost every picture, ad, and poster of a woman we see is colorized, fixed, slimmed, and retouched?

The more playful I become in my pole dancing (and my life) the more I realize that every “should,” every “supposed to,” every “rule” society lays on me is total crap. I’ve lately decided to start testing all these “rules,” sometimes tentatively, sometimes ruthlessly.  I keep the ones that fit around my womanly curves and chuck the ones that don’t.

Rules I’m Chucking

1. I have to make myself beautiful everyday, all day long CHUCKED for (Every woman is beautiful and has the right to look like a Raggedy Ann doll if the situation or her sleep schedule calls for it)
2. I have to be a strong, successful, business woman that kicks ass all day long CHUCKED for (Many woman feel the strongest when they recognize & celebrate what some people might define as weaknesses including wanting to be a mother who takes care of a couple of kiddies instead of kicking ass at work. I certainly do.)
3. I must prove that I’m as good as any man CHUCKED for (No woman has to play a man’s game to be phenomenal.  She doesn’t have to prove her womanhood because she already has the cookie.  No baking required)

So, if you’d like to play along, and chuck a few of society’s rules too, then please join Poleskivvies and me on the Therapy Couch by dancing around on video (or maybe just in your living room) and testing your boundaries…

Because, as Jennifer puts it “Feeling ugly is just too damn exhausting.”

To which I’d like to add “Fuck Yeah!”

How do you deal with your own body image? What Rules are you ready to chuck? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Our lives are filled with perpetual, consuming worries for everything except for what is happening RIGHT NOW.

Take a moment and ask yourself if you really have any problems in this EXACT second.  Not earlier this morning, or two minutes from now, or tomorrow.

But RIGHT NOW.

What are you thinking about RIGHT NOW…

Do you feel the need to worry about something that’s happening later?

But is it really a problem RIGHT NOW?

Do you feel the need to worry about something that happened yesterday?

But is it really a problem RIGHT NOW?

If you are breathing with sufficiently warm clothes on and a roof over your head, then you’re probably doing pretty okay at the moment.  I’m not saying your concerns are baseless or unimportant.  I’m saying that spending your time worrying about them is wasting valuable energy that you could use for loving your family, working on your dreams & goals, or just having some serious playtime (on the pole of course).

What if you practiced living and dancing in this moment, EXACTLY AS YOU ARE?  Without any worries of the past or of the future.  What if you gave yourself the chance to let go of your problems for 5 minutes and just be.

Be your breath.  Be your movement.  Be alive.

You don’t have to prepare for who you are, you can simply be who you are.

Sometimes you need to live as a human being instead of a human doing.

Let go of the past.

Let go of the future.

The more you ask yourself… “What is important to me in this moment?”

…the more calm you will find…
..the more gratitude you will feel…
..the more abundance and joy will permeate your life…

So tonight, don’t get dressed up to dance.  Don’t plan your play list beforehand.  Don’t even decide exactly when you’ll begin your practice.  Walk to your pole when the moment is right (and you’ll know it’s right when you feel that odd pressure in your head that says Gosh, I wish I was pole dancing now), put on the song the seems to pop into your consciousness or under your fingers in your ipod, and dance.

Dance as you were, Dance as you are, Dance as you wish to be.

Knowing that this moment is the most precious one in your life RIGHT NOW.

Because this moment is all you ever have.

How do you find acceptance in the present moment? What other techniques do you use to create flow? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

I started my day off by sharing this on Facebook:

I’m going to quietly grmble in my cubicle this morning. :S (I couldn’t even manage to spell “grumble”)

…and ended it by celebrating an evening filled with stable inverted pressaways.  YIPEE!

When I sat down at my desk at 8am today, I was pissed off, frustrated, depressed, and absolutely, completely, totally stuck.  I felt trapped by my own life and so very tired of struggling to understand why, why, why I couldn’t stop cockblocking my own success (yes, I know I don’t have a cock and I wasn’t trying to get laid, but just go with me here).  I was disappointed that I wasn’t meeting my daily writing quota (I’m doing NaNoWriMo this year), that I hadn’t posted anything to this blog or my other blog in 5 or 6 days, and that I kept falling asleep in my cubicle (at 8am in the morning!) because I was so fucking exhausted.

So what the hell do you do when when you keep hitting the same wall of frustration over and over again?  What do you do when you’re seriously stuck in a funk and can’t shake loose?

First, stop trying to use logic to get out of it. If logic was going to work, you’d have found the answer days, weeks, or months ago…

You need an inspiration!

Luckily, you already have a phenomenal technique to create an AHA moment…

All you need is to get your conscious mind to go to sleep and give your creative muse a safe place to explore. Meaning you’ve got to shed some of those layers of assumptions, baggage, and bullshit that you gathered as a grownup…Give your inner child a game to play.. And show her an awesome playground preferably with a jungle gym.   Psst THIS IS WHERE POLE DANCING COMES INTO THE PICTURE.

Your Body In Motion…

Drive home from work, stumble in the front door, banish everyone from the pole room for at least 20 minutes, throw on the playlist that exemplifies your emotional funk, and peel away your inhibitions.

Pick music that makes you feel grumpy, or sad, or predatory… but only if you actually feel that way.  Don’t change out of your work clothes. STRIP out of your work clothes.  Let each layer of your emotional wall disappear as each song disappears.

Ride the wave of your own anger, your own sadness, your own angst until you can’t tell the difference between the beat of the drum and the beat of your heart. (see that upside down lady on the right with the goofy happy smile… THAT’S ME!)

Once you feel your energy start to wane, allow you body to slow down.  Let the new wave of exhaustion set in as your dance moves away from the pole and onto the floor.  Until finally there is only your breath.

Your Body At Rest…

Inhale that next breath, get out your journal (or a piece of paper) and write the answer to these four questions. They are designed to pull the answers to any difficult problem out of your own unconscious mind.  (PS – I’ve included my own answers but not the secret decoder ring, so if anything seems cryptic that’s because my muse likes to speak in alien languages)

Q1:  What do I need right now?

My Answer: Sleep glorious sleep and to stop pushing myself.  To stop second guessing and ignoring my own desires, wants, and opinions.  Because all I’m doing is wasting energy by “should”ing all over myself (shoulding is  when you tell yourself that you “should, must, have to” do something instead of allowing yourself to consciously choose). I work for 9hrs and come home full of resistance. I don’t feel like working on any of my real passions until I can drain that resistance away.

Q2.  What are the things in my life that feel right, that feel easy, that feel like me?

My Answer: my five wishes, my writing career, spending time with J, writing fiction, writing sensually, writing erotica, connecting to my passions through ExpressTheSensual, pole dancing, reading, working with JBT, hanging out with the important people that I care about, feeling love, feeling truth, feeling and expressing my freedom to choose my life and my reality with each breath, to know and experience this moment exactly as it is…

Q3.  What are the things in my life that feel wrong, that feel hard, that don’t feel like me?

My Answer: driving to work, engineering, aerospace, my day job, being a tech writer, worrying about NOT writing, listening to the people that tell me I need to do this – buy that – believe in their miracle product or end up being a dumb ignorant jackass, feeling like a coward, feeling like I have to do EVERYTHING right now, guilt for doing it wrong, guilt for not doing it before, guilt, guilt, guilt.

Q4. What do I forget to tell myself?

My Answer: That even if I feel like I should do everything, I really don’t need to do everything. That I can just let go of all the shit that I don’t want and spend my precious time, energy, and joy building my reality around all the awesome shit that I do want. To focus on my passion and my purpose.  To know that I have a choice and that I have the ability to choose differently as each moment arrives.  Then, my path will stop feeling sticky and I’ll stop feeling trapped.  (At this point angels descended, birds sang, and an intense desire to dance again hit me)

It is your work in life that is the ultimate seduction.” –Picasso

AHA!

Try this and you’ll discover what I did.  Your REAL PRIORITIES will suddenly be laid out in front of you in such vivid detail that you can’t ignore them anymore. Accept what is critical to you and then make that the most important part of your day.

Don’t just write down the essentials of your answer. Don’t just pay them lip service. Make choices that reflect YOUR priorities. Define your goals and believe in them.

A good friend once told me “Don’t die with your music still in you!”  Break down your walls by listening to your passions. Discover your bare essentials, and share your rapture with the world.

PS…these questions were inspired by a post by Havi Brooks, who you should be reading if you love kooky, fun, and awesome all rolled into one lady…and her duck Selma. Share your ideas in the comment section!

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When there are too many options, too many possibilities, I get overwhelmed and stuck.  Which of the gazillion things that I could choose is the RIGHT one and how do I know for sure? Do I always have to weigh each possibility in disgusting detail?  Do I really have to agonize and worry over every damn little thing in my life?

As a physicist, I know that mankind has made a science out of redefining our infinite world of possibilities using small little ONEs and ZEROs.  Every movie we watch, every blog we read, every song we download is created from boiling this reality down to those two options. It’s not perfect. Computer simulated red will never be as luscious as the flaming red of a real sunset, but I am still grateful for it.

I want to harness this uniquely human power to SIMPLIFY. Because I have questions that I am tired of pondering.  Tired of thinking about.  Tired of being frozen with indecision about instead of moving forward and taking some fucking action.  I have questions that need answers whether the sun sets red, orange, or a deep royal purple (I live in LA, so yes, sometimes it’s purple!)

So, sometimes, I use my pole dancing as a magic eight ball.  You know, those plastic balls filled with inky black water and the little window where your fortune pops up… “My sources say yes” or “Don’t count on it” (in an oh so very scientific fashion).  When my conscious mind refuses to come up with the answers, I can let my pole dancing magic eight ball decide instead.

“But you’re a physicist?” you cry “How can you ignore the entire scientific method?”

Because the magic eight ball I’m about to show you, taps into your unconscious mind.  If your conscious mind is lost, your unconscious mind has the navigation package and it’s desperately trying to tell you to “take a right at the next exit.” But it’s unconscious (by definition), so unless you find a way to tap into it, you won’t hear a damn thing.  All the while it’s screaming…  TURN RIGHT!  TURN RIGHT NOW!

Now stick with me here, because this is the tricky part…..

Become your own Magic Eight Ball

1. Go pick two (or three) colors to represent your options. My favorite scenario is BLACK meaning NO WAY! and WHITE meaning ALL SIGNS POINT TO YES!  (other meanings might be ABSOLUTELY, MY SOURCES SAY NO, or OUTLOOK GOOD. You can even use GREY for REPLY HAZY, TRY AGAIN LATER)
2. Create a sexy poledancing outfit with your two (or three) colors. In the video I chose a white tank top, white bikini top, black booty shorts, black and white bodystrings, and black platform shoes (see, I told you I used bodystrings ALL THE TIME).
3. Dance and Strip. Yes, you heard me STRIP.  Take off your clothes, but let your unconscious mind decide what pieces to remove and how to remove them. (I did NOT actually remove clothes in the video because it got a little too hot for youtube and I didn’t want to upset your delicate disposition)
4. The color you are wearing more of at the end of your poledancing session is your answer. (I was wearing all BLACK at the end, but just barely, so I got my answer –> NO WAY!  )

Becoming your own magic eight ball means you are trusting your intuition. 

Which is a good thing, because your intuition knows everything you think you know… everything you actually know… a bunch of shit you forgot that you know… and a bunch more shit you don’t even realize that you know.

At the very least, when you are done, you can leave me a comment and say “Yannori, you are full of shit, but I love you anyway.” Because you’re awesome and you roll like that.

How do you tap into your intuition? How do you make a difficult decision? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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This particular question is actually a point on contention between many schools of pole dancing.  So the answer is “It Depends.” (I always hated that particular answer though)

Basically there are 3 different views…

First, there’s the idea that you don’t have to listen to the music at all.

That you should perform whatever trick you want whenever you feel like it (or in a specified routine) but the music doesn’t have to match or even make sense. I’m just going to throw this one against the wall and out of the club. Because as far as I’m concerned, if you don’t even notice the music then you aren’t pole dancing, you’re pole tricking…which is a useful training method but NOT a worthwhile performance technique (okay rant over, sorry)

Second, there’s the premise that you find the “hidden beat” of the song.

I’ve heard this described at the “undercurrent” or the “underlying wave.”  This particular technique is usually used during dance improvisation and in many ways I like it.  It encourages the dancer to focus on not just the beat but also the effect the beat has on her heart, her emotions, and her non-logical, pure response body.

However, I think you can take this idea too far.  To me, the point of dancing is to express your authentic self within the layers of music, within the physical studio space, using the tools and props and world around you.  It’s a different and beautiful way to experience life in the current moment.  And that includes the music you hear playing.

By ignoring the music entirely to focus on your own internal beat, you have stopped dancing and started meditating.  I don’t believe there is anything fundamentally wrong with this, BUT a true exotic dancer knows that her performance must make a connection with the audience.  If you are completely inside your own mind, then the audience is more like a peeping tom than a group of people experiencing your art. (I’ve actually had friends say that they felt like it was rude to watch me dance when I used this particular method)

To ignore the music is to sever your connection with the audience.  And this is never the goal for an exotic dancer.

Lastly, there’s the technique where you dance specifically to the beat of the music you are using.

If you ask a professionally trained dancer, they will most likely say that this method is the only method that makes sense for a performance.  And if we were all classically trained dancers with 15+ years of training in ballet, jazz, and tap, then I’d probably agree.

Because over time, your internal beat becomes automatic whenever the music hits you. Your body already knows that this extension of your arm is perfect for who you are right now and to match the emotional content of the song…. that this invert will feel amazing during a booming creshendo…. That rolling on the floor during the guitar solo makes the most sense within your muscle memory.

This, to me, truly defines performance art.  But it doesn’t happen overnight and you can’t force it.  Let me say that again, you can’t force it.  You can create a routine that hits each beat. You can practice the routine until your feet bleed.  You can perform it flawlessly in front of a starstruck audience (hello So You Think You Can Dance). 

But unless you put your entire spirit into it, there will be something missing.

In the end I believe … An exotic dancer uses the beat as if it was her partner, expanding and contracting against him as the underlying wave calls to her.

Creating a never ending dynamic between his beating heart and her authentic soul.

Which method do you use for performances? And which one do you use when you are alone? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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I first discovered most of these beauties during my monthly forays into the wilds of Hollywood Blvd in downtown Los Angeles. There is a special section just east of Highland (approximately 10 city blocks long) that is filled with tattoo parlous, cheap souvenir shops, tired tourists that wandered too far from Grauman’s Chinese theater, and the absolute best exotic dance clothing and shoe shops on the planet.  Seriously, these places are amazing and the clothing runs from super cheap to super chic.  You can get custom made bikinis for 20 bucks or custom made boots with Swarovski crystals for $1000 and up.  I don’t buy g-strings from anywhere else.

However, there are a couple of online stores where you can procure my favorite pole dance attire as well, so for those of you that don’t have a shopping trip to the city of movie stars planned anytime soon, I’ll include links wherever I can.

1.  Body Strings

I could sing the praises of body strings to the world.  These dirt cheap stretchy lengths of nylon fabric are just the leftover ends of costumes that didn’t make it to the showroom floor.  But you can wrap your legs, arms, torso, or any other exposed body part for a beautiful criss crossing accent of every luscious curve. You can use them to hold up your hair and then seductively set it free during a performance.  I constantly use them to safely secure an annoying pair of platform heels and keep them from shifting during a dance (critical advice if you want to avoid flying stripper shoes, and you do!).  Make sure and get two of each color (they sell them in singles) to have an infinite combination of twisty sexy fun!

2.  Fabric Scarves

I have been using scarves in my pole dancing improvisation since I first started learning this beautiful movement over 6 years ago.  They have the ability to add so many different elements depending on what kind you like and how you use them.  First, just a basic soft silk scarf whether it is long or relatively short can add a splash of color & a flowing element instantly to any dance. I use it to accentuate movements to my audience or tickle my own skin with it’s liquid-like texture.   And of course, you can cover any exposed curves that you wish to use to tease your audience or yourself.  You can even spray it with your favorite perfume to create a deeper emotional connection to your memories through scent.

Oh, and if you ever feel the need to restrain your audience (during a lapdance where he refuses to sit on his hands for example) then the scarf is a perfect way to keep those wandering hands safely tucked away. I’ve even seen boas & neckties used in a similar manner when necessary.  Oh the joy of audience participation!

3.  Boots

Yes, these to me are not just an alternative for shoes.  Although some pole dancers use them during each and every practice session, I consider them a prop that adds an extra bit of sweet, sweet Ginger (my version of the naughty girl in all of us).  First, don’t just throw on a pair and hope that you can dance in them.  Boots require extra caution and plenty of practice to understand how to work with the layer of sticky pleather that can slow down your spins but rocket your climbs & inverts to the level of spiderwoman. I like shiny black thigh highs for nights when I’m feeling powerful and predatory, but a pair of red go-go boots can’t be beat for a stomping good time.

4.  Lace or Mesh CoverUp

If you want to discover the best piece of clothing that adds mystery while keeping the dancer cool and saucy, then pick up one of these. Although they don’t actually hide anything from view, they provide a saucy layer of fabric to slide your hands seductively over your curves and tug & remind your audience of your (lack of) clothing.  And if you choose one that has a silver or metallic thread, you’ll find your body sparkles like a starlet on the dimly lit dance floor.  Plus, you always have the option to remove them if they hamper your movement & toss them at your audience for added effect.

5.  Legwarmers

Alright, I have to admit that some people hate this leftover fashion statement from the Jane Fonda era of exercise, but I am truly a big fan.  Although it does take some extra practice to figure out how to climb and hold advanced inverts while wearing leg warmers, I believe it is worth the effort.  For me, I get the benefit of warm calves that look hot, without having to put on a pair of heels or boots.  Plus, these babies slide.  So all my floor work becomes more fluid, more streamlined, and just more sensual overall.  I feel that legwarmers give me more freedom to move and explore the different textures of dance. Maybe they can do the same for you.

6.  Masks

Ah, the power of anonymity.  I will tell you a secret that I’ve never spoken to a soul before; I have never felt more electric energy coursing through my body than during a masked performance.  Holding your audience in suspense, wondering if you’ll take off the mask and reveal your face (even if they know what you look like) is a invigorating experience that I believe every dancer should have at least once. And Halloween is the perfect chance.  Make sure to pick a mask that is comfortable but won’t fall apart while you slink and slide (venetian masks are perfect for this!).  I prefer ones that only cover my eyes and that tie in the back so I have the choice of exposing my true self or not.  And make sure you avoid masks with too many feathers or sharp corners so that you don’t accidentally catch yourself or distract from your deliciously hidden dance.

7.  Hats

Let me just say that I LOVE HATS.  I have seen hats transform my students from a rocker chick into a tantalizing tease, from a sensual siren into a Betty booty. Everybody dances different when they put on a hat….as long as you remember one little rule — keep the hat on your body or in your peripheral vision.  You want to keep your emotions and your audience focused on how you react to the hat. Does it make you feel flirty to cover you face & your lovely curves?  Does it make you feel strong to look out from underneath the brim and catch someones eye?  Or maybe it’s just one of those dances where you take off everything… Except for the hat!

Try one prop or try them all, and I’m sure you’ll find something that will change (or possibly revolutionize) your pole dancing practice.  Plus, you never know what will spark your creative fire.

Just remember…

YOU connect a series of movements into a dance.

YOU own the authentic mesmerizing sensuality.

YOU hold the key to a powerful expression of life in this moment.

…An accessory is just a little bit of frosting, but YOU take the cake.

PS – The subject & title of this post came from a tweet by the lovely miss Angela (@Angee514)

What’s your favorite pole dancing accessory? What store is your favorite guilty shopping pleasure? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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This week was hard.  This week was bad.  This week I had to face people in pain.  People that I usually share In’n'Out fries with while shouting obscenities at the 49ers.  People that I’ve been more than a little drunk-off-my-ass-and-still-got-home-safe with.  People that have made a significant impact in my life.  And now, they hurt. Their families hurt.  Their reality hurts.  Their world hurts.

And I don’t know what to do.  You see, I’m horrible at watching pain. Forget Hollywood movies and all that namby-pamby bullshit.  It’s the real deal I’m talking about here.  The kind of pain where they might have to crack open your chest to save you life.  Or do test after test just to find out if they can treat whatever unpronounceable thing that you’ve got.  And it’s really hard to watch without crying.

So, I’m lost. Wondering what can I do?  How can I help?  I’m not a doctor, or a nurse. Shit, I still check the directions when I put on a bandaid.

Instead, I did what they have done for me.  I stayed. I didn’t leave.  I showed up and watched what happened.  I didn’t pretend it wasn’t happening.  I didn’t pretend I completely understood their pain.  I didn’t pretend I knew everything was going to be okay.  Because I don’t know.

I chose to be there with them as life unfolded. As the next moment passed and the next and the next.  When they needed to talk, we talked.   When they needed silence, we had silence.   When they needed to cry, we cried.

And when they needed to be alone, I left.  But I went home to my safe house, with my safe dog, in my safe car, to watch my safe television.  And it wasn’t the same.   So, I turned to my pole dancing practice the way people turn to meditation or that first cup of tea. A ritual to calm my mind with the long accustomed movements that I’ve done a million times before.  The dance where I give my emotions extra space, extra time, extra energy.

It helped.  It gave my body a way to understand the turmoil in my mind.  My arms and legs articulated sadness with each extension.  My chest knew waves of confusion through abdominal contraction.  And finally I cried for me.

The best way for me to help them, is to live, breathe, and be who I am… with them.  To laugh with them, cry with them, watch funny zombie movies with them.  To know each moment is as precious as it is fleeting.

If you have experienced sadness in your life, whether the pain was yours or someone you care about– Give it a ritual.  Create a safe space inside yourself without judgment and find a way to let go. Use sensual dance, or a walk along the ocean, or a gentle rocking chair on the outside porch.  Show up to life, give in to life, and let go.

This week there is a video, but I choose not to post it.  This week, the space below is for you.

How do you create personal space? What kind of rituals give you comfort? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!