Last night, I put on my thigh high zebra socks, a teeny tiny skirt and matching triangle bikini top.  I slid and dragged, lifted and popped, circled and shook — until the air shimmered with my warm breath.  The room was dark, tinged with red.  The music was heavy, beating with the rhythm of the earth and my heart.  The pole was shiny and glorious, as it should be.

The rest of the world fell away.  No more worries.  No more bills.  No more work.  No more drama or bullshit.  Just me and the heat of the moment.

The where, the when, the how, and especially the why — don’t apply anymore.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.

This is my time to tease life into being. A time when my body knows exactly what to do and my brain disappears in mindless movement.  It’s my time to be a woman filled with soft thoughts.  To be a rocker chick who just needs to shake her hair.  Eventually, time disappears, lost in translation between body, soul, and dance.

I let my toes drag and take a step, shifting my weight to settle against the walls.  Slowly, slowly, letting my body drip down to the floor.  I move along every surface, letting my fingers barely touch the edges.  I paint the room with my essence and settle into my true self.  It feels as if the dance becomes me and we disappear into each other.

Sensual dance arouses your true self out of it’s logic bound cage.

You feel compelled to explore the world around you, though sensation, through experience, through sound and motion.  Without the prison of thought, life becomes an infinite moment extending out for eternity, with the joy of your senses to guide you step by step.  You realize that you can’t force your sensual nature, you must tease and tickle it, hold it in rapture with a nuzzle and a wink.  If you are willing, you can open your body to the dark places in order to find the light within.  It’s hiding because it likes to play, counting the moments until you find it, with a delicious pounce and a barrage of giggles.

You can’t depend on someone else to discover your sensual self.

It’s a game where nobody but you knows the rules.

Anyone can show you the technique. Anyone can demonstrate the trick. Anyone can direct your body and guide your thoughts…. but only you can accept the emotions that arise.  The power of life is to show you the puzzle and ask if you wish to solve it.  It takes courage to embrace and accept every part of your true self because there will always be parts that you don’t know…. yet.

You can’t know the future.  You can only see the glimmer of your soul when you let go of the past, and give in to the full experience of this moment.

What are you waiting for?

This is your personal invitation to dance, to live, to beckon and blow kisses in the wind, to tease the world until it gives you exactly what you want.

It’s time to throw on your silky thigh high nylons, your red heels, or nothing at all and wink back.   It’s time to dance, NOW!

How do you tap into your sensual nature & what does it feel like? Please share your opinions in the comment section.

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual and share it with your friends.

Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

In an effort to understand both sides of the Pol’ympics Debate, I decided to compile a list of the related articles that were written by people WITHIN our pole dancing community.  I ignored all articles outside our community, whether they were pro or con Pole Dancing in the Olympics, simply because the majority of them were either general news, studio promotion articles, or derogatory to pole dancing in any form.

What I found is rather surprising.  Although many people feel strongly about this topic, there are very few people who are speaking about it publicly.  Most articles for Pole Dancing in the Olympics were created either within one of the pole dancing federations or by a journalist who had read the petition.  What I have NOT found is instructors and performers giving THEIR passionate reasons for promoting pole dancing in the Olympics. This obviously concerns me.

I feel VERY strongly about this art form.  I feel VERY strongly about how it is portrayed in the media.  I know I’m not alone in these feelings of passion and concern (as evidenced by the reported 4000 petition signatures).  I certainly see other Pole Leaders speaking publicly about why they DON’T want Pole Dancing in the Olympics.  But, why can’t I find the impassioned blogs of those who DO want Pole Dancing in the Olympics?

Yes, I see the petitions … Yes, I see the politically correct documents… Yes, I see the press releases.  I want to understand your opinion, but more importantly, I want to hear it without the legal mumbo jumbo and PR material.  How can the Pole Associations expect to develop or standardize the pole dancing industry if they aren’t speaking to US, the pole dancers? More importantly, how will society (& the Olympic committee) respond to a petition when there is little to no PUBLIC discussion within our community?

Forget about the Olympics for a minute.  Many pole dancing associations are hoping to standardize pole trick names and develop pole safety regulations.  But how are you going to explain your reasons for defining one trick as a fireman spin instead of a skater spin?  How are you going to convince me to use a 4 inch thick pole mat instead of the aerial & gymnastic standard 6 inch thick mat?

How are these Pole Leaders going to communicate and discuss their platform or their opinions to the pole dancing community? I WANT to know the awesome ideas you have for developing, changing, maybe even revolutionizing The Art of Pole Dancing.  And I want to have a healthy, open debate about it.

So, whether you are For Pole Dancing in the Olympics, Against Pole Dancing in the Olympics, or On The Fence… if you send me a link to your blog with your Pol’ympic opinion (not an article written by a journalist please) then I’ll post it here.

I applaud those pole leaders who have posted their opinion no matter which side of the debate they are on.  My goal with this article is to encourage this discussion in an effort to build a platform of open communication… because Pole & Exotic Dance is a very young industry (compared to gymnastics, aerial, ballet, bellydance, etc.) and we’ve got a LOT to talk about. We’re all listening….

For Pole Dancing in the Olympics

• KT Coates – Pole Dancing in the Olympics
• Pole in the Olympics Teaser video – Pole in The Olympics
• Pole Fitness Association -  Olympic Effort
• Interview of Collette Kakuk – Pole Dancing Will Need a Makeover for the Olympics
• Kylea Killeen – Pole Dancing in the Olympics
  

Against Pole Dancing in the Olympics

• Jamilla Deville – Polympics
• Adam Jay – Pole Dancing in the Olympics
• Bubble & Facebook group manifesto – Pole Dancers who DON’T want Pole to be in the Olympics
• and my own article – No, I won’t sign your Pol’ympics Petition
• Kristen (Dolphin Dance) – Pole “Dance” in the Olympics

On The Fence

• Claire Griffin Sterrett – Olympic Size Debate
• PoleSkivvies – Pole Dancing in the Olympics
• Polespection by Journey – Olympics???
• Lori Meyers – Weighing in on the Debate
• Climb & Spin – Pole Dancing In the Olympics? Yay or Nay?
  

BTW, if you want to see some of the non-pole blogs I didn’t include because they were derogatory check out this link.  I caution you that many of these bloggers don’t understand our industry or our art form AT ALL.  But I’m including the link to be complete.

Please share your (respectful and honest) opinions in the comment section.

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual and share it with your friends.

Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Ladies, you know I love the art of pole dancing, the delicious joy of moving a sensuous curvy feminine body.  But I cannot and will not sign or support Pole Dancing in the Olympics. You can throw sticks and stones if you disagree, but names will never hurt me.

Truly, I can’t understand why our community feels the need to “legitimize” pole dancing as a sport.  Pole dancing is about reconnecting with our lost femininity.  It’s about discovering that we don’t need to be afraid of the natural curves of our body.  It’s about learning and expressing our true sensual style in a safe and caring environment. When we each discovered pole dancing, something about this movement captured our hearts and titillated our senses.  I know the ladies who created this petition understand that, but I really don’t see how developing it into an Olympic sport will maintain that passionate spirit.

Why must pole dancing be “legitimized?”  Is the passion and intensity you feel while dancing “legitimate”?  Is the stretch you feel in your legs and back as you invert & brush your hand across your hips a luscious expression of your life… or is it “legitimate”?  I don’t care if society defines it as “legitimate”…when I dance, I feel what I feel.   I understand why the world of corporations and bureaucracy needs legitimate documents, legitimate processes, and legitimate products…..  but we don’t need that kind of distinction here.

In fact, I feel a certain amount of anger that someone might take this beautiful art form and scrub it of it’s sensual feminine components — Because that is the only way it will be accepted by the Olympic masses.  No more heels, no more booty shorts, no more bodystrings.   No more pelvic circles or hair whipping.  And I’m sure the Olympic panel won’t allow you to let your fingers glide along your curves either.  God forbid you touch your own body!

Perhaps the pole community is trying to find a way to expose more people to our beautiful art form?  But, most pole studios only allow students that are 18 years and older for a reason.  You can’t ignore the roots of this dance, which come from aerial, acrobatics, circus, bellydance, and STRIPPING. I’m not ashamed of those roots and I don’t want to remove the flavor and style that those roots impart.  I want to share it with others BECAUSE of that fabulous flavor and sexy style.

Maybe I feel this way because I’m a pole DANCER instead of a pole TRICKSTER…. Because I focus on the feminine, sensual, dance aspect of this beautiful art form instead of it’s athletic/gymnastic aspects…. Because I prefer continuous movement that celebrates the seamless transitions and emotional expression of life just as much as the gorgeous variety of tricks.

Would you call Cirque Du Soleil a sport?  Would you call Ballet a sport? Would you call BellyDance a sport?  Or would you need them “legitimized” as a sport?  I would call them art.  The expression of art is about how it makes the artist and the audience feel — not about how many points the artist can earn.

Obviously, gymnastics is defined as a sport. And if all they want is to take the gymnastic aspect of pole dancing into the Olympics, then I wish them luck.  But, this will completely take the DANCE out of it; and I respectfully request that they don’t call it pole DANCING anymore.  Call it Pole Gymnastics or Gymnastics Pole.  A little vocabulary change could make a big difference.

I realize I’m a small voice in a minority here, and my interest isn’t to incite a flame war on my blog.  I very much understand why other pole dancers are trying to share our movement with the world, I just don’t agree with the way they wish to do it. In fact, I’m actually in tears now, hoping some of you will understand how precious this dance form is to me.  It’s a beautiful movement that has helped me create a life of playfulness, confidence, and sensuality.  It’s a major reason why I’m not afraid of my body or my sexuality anymore.

Pole & Exotic Dance has opened me up to the inherent sensual nature of life and my path within that life as a woman (instead of the androgynous person trying to be “better than a man” that I used to be).  I don’t want to steal the athletic Pole Trickster’s right to share her awesome gymnastic ability with the world, but I don’t want someone to take away my ART of Pole & Exotic Dance either.

So, I urge you to consider how pole dancing will change, before you sign a “Pole Dancing in the Olympics” petition. Is this really the best way to share this art form with the world around you, when there are so many other ways.  I believe it’s as simple as turning to the woman sitting next to you and telling her your amazing story.  I know I’d love to hear it.

Do You disagree?  Please share your (respectful and honest) opinions in the comment section.

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual and share it with your friends.

Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

I was lamenting on the state of the pole dancing industry when someone asked me why I focus so strongly on being a pole DANCER instead of a pole TRICKSTER (someone who focuses on athletic pole tricks without transitions).

Although I recognize how wonderful pole fitness can be when a woman develops her gymnastic ability and strength, I am not in that camp.  I do not and will not ever just teach a pole trick.  I believe it is the transitions between the tricks that connect a woman with her sensual nature, not just the trick itself. If I cannot evoke an emotional response throughout my dance, then I’m not interested in dancing; and serial pole tricks do not evoke emotion in me.

Whenever I see a pole Trickster, I find my mind wandering.  Yes, the flawless execution is impressive.  Yes, the difficulty is obvious.  But it’s still the same tricks, over and over and over again.  Instead of noticing the way she accentuates the curve of her hip or the luscious shadow of the hair falling down her back, I consider her gymnastic execution; her fitness & stretching routine, her training regimen.  Of course she is beautiful, impressive even, but I want to see the movement of life breathing through her, the spark of humanity, the hypnotic fire of creativity that burns through a dancer. I know it’s there, but I just can’t see it.

I certainly agree that being a pole Trickster is a great way to get in shape.  It’s a phenomenal and powerful activity that many awesome and wonderful woman do with their bodies.  But it’s not what I want.  And to answer the question of why, I wrote this response to a friend of mine.  It’s rather raw, and starts off with a doozy, but if you wanted butterflies and lily pads, you probably wouldn’t be reading my blog anyway.

Fuck pole dancing, but not in the way you think.

The pole is a prop, a gimmick.  It’s the feeling of pure sensuality that I am after.  The afterglow of the dance is like the afterglow of sex.  I want to feel beautiful, luscious, delicious.  Circles of erotic bliss.  I want the space to be vulnerable again.

I tire of being hard. Hard at work, hard at home, hard in traffic. I am not a man and have no wish to be.  I am the force that bends instead of breaks; the life that flows instead of shatters.  My heart is transparent because my tears fill it’s soul.

Being at work fights my nature. No, I fight my nature when I’m at work.  My lover requests for my return to dance.  He wishes to see what only a woman in raw movement can show him.  But this vision, this truth is available only when a woman remembers herself.  She experiences life with flaws, weaknesses, strength, mistakes, emotions, and creation.

Reality is not about perfection; this is man’s lie, one he tells himself.  The sun, moon, and stars have NEVER given us perfection, only natural cosmic coincidence.  All things work in harmony because of their inherent chaos.

You want proof?  –  I am proof.

I am a living contradiction, strength and weakness personified in one body.  A living mass of confusion that somehow remains in balance and lives — breathes even.  Whereas a rock, a flawless diamond with the most intricate and perfect structure, highly prized for this logical and regular pattern of atoms, lacks a soul.

The one requirement of life is that it is NEVER perfect, never done.  No matter how many times it has tried, life must continue the struggle or give up.

Enjoy your struggle, your dance of sensuality, and recognize the amount of passion you nurture to be truly ALIVE each and every day.

Do You disagree? Share your ideas in the comment section.

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual and share it with your friends.

Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

I’ve been thinking a lot about The Rules lately.  You know, The Rules that “help” you decide what’s right and wrong.  The Rules that “explain” how you have to do this, or buy that, to ever have a chance to be beautiful, sexy, healthy, successful, or just plain average.  The Rules that say you’ve got to listen to all the “experts,” go to college, and become a mindless drone in some big huge corporation that thinks your name is j88456.

God forbid you want to have a good time in your 20’s.  And forget fun in your 30’s or 40’s because your fucking 401k isn’t big enough yet.  So just settle down, put your nose to the grindstone and look forward to retirement.  Um, yeah.  FUCK THAT!

Am I a hypocrite for telling you NOT to do EXACTLY what I did (except I’m not in my 40’s)?

Nope. Because I’ve decided that I’m not going to lay down and die (metaphorically speaking).

I’ve decided that I’M NOT DONE YET.

I’m not going to give up on my dreams even if they are just the insane delusions of a physicist slash poledancer slash writer who got stuck in a lab without windows for too long and refuses to drink the public KoolAide.

I left my last job because, when I stepped into the office everyday, I saw the walking dead.  Literally, zombies and brain eaters everywhere.  And I was well on my way to Zombie stardom…with overwork, daily headaches, wacky dizzyness, and general sadness whenever I typed my name (ex: j88456) into my login prompt.  I didn’t want to be a victim or a Zombie leader.   So I went a little nuts in an over strained economy and just quit.

I quit to save my life.

I quit to save my health.  I quit because I was too dehydrated to cry anymore. And it worked… sortof.

I mean I got back my life, I got back my health, and my face stopped looking like a pinkish prune with brown eyed spots.  But once I was alive again, I didn’t know what the hell to do with myself.  I’d spent over 30 years building up an identity as the Kick Ass Physicist with accompanying bachelors degrees, master’s degree, ridiculously long resume, hot red Audi, and sexy business suits.   I’d been playing my role to a T and had everybody fooled.  But I realized that every time I got close to finishing the picture of me as the “Kick Ass Physicist,” I’d fuck it up. And when I finally quit the “perfect” job I asked myself… “what the hell is wrong with me?”

Woman are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weakness. ~Marie de Vichy

I was afraid of breaking The Rules.

I was afraid of doing all the things that society told me weren’t safe for a woman like me.  Seriously, ask yourself if you’d be willing to quit your job, with no security net, no new job to go to, and no outside financial support.

I was totally crazy, right?  Maybe.

Maybe I still am.

Because while I stood outside of the daily 9 to 5 grind I discovered that I had all these hidden passions.  I had dreams and opinions and I cared about doing shit that I had buried in a hole inside my mind when I was 12 years old.

And now, I’m still afraid.  I’m afraid that I will wimp out without doing all the amazing things I’ve got floating around in my head.  I’m afraid I’ll give in to the comforts of a recently acquired steady paycheck instead of creating and sharing my ideas about sensuality, authenticity, purpose and passion with everyone who will listen.  I’m afraid to die with my music still in me.

But my fear is giving me the ability to fight.

It’s making me stronger and more resourceful than I’d ever imagined I could be.  Because I’m the one who has to make things happen– meaning that without me, my dreams won’t come true. I’m the one that has to put in the work, write that story, create that video, teach that class, learn about running an online business & a million other things I didn’t even know existed…and still stay true to my heart, my passions, my purpose.

So today, I’d like to kindly thank The Rules for getting me here…

And then tell them to FUCK OFF or Suck my big sparkly red (nonexistent) Balls!

Because The Rules aren’t needed anymore.  I don’t need limiting beliefs.  I don’t need social conventions.  I don’t need tribal knowledge. As of this moment, I am letting go of everything that doesn’t help me on the path to my dreams.  I don’t care how many obstacles are in my way as long as I learn from them.

And I reserve the right to change my dreams whenever the hell I feel like it as long as I’m still working with passion toward goals that mean something to me. Because I’m pretty sure I don’t know everything there is to know right now but I aspire to be as flexible in my mind as Gumby is bendy.

So if you’ve got any problems with pole dancing, exotic dancing, erotic writing, swearing like a trucker, sex and sensual living, then this blog probably isn’t for you.  On the other hand, if you like all that stuff and you enjoy the occasional rant from a writer turned physicist turned pole dancer turned writer again then I’m so very glad you are here.  I’ve got a bunch of wonderful ideas and I need your help.

Please tell me what you’d like to read about on ExpressTheSensual.  Tell me your stories (in private or in public).  Or just send me a reminder on twitter that I made you a promise.

I promise that I will transform my weaknesses and fears into some seriously awesome fun stuff specifically for your enjoyment…

…Like ebooks about living sensually…

…more pole/exotic dance video classes…

…and naughty erotic short stories for cold nights by the fire…

As well as sharing QandAs, HowTos, and any other sexy goodness I learn/find along the way.

I’ve got a lot of work to do, so it’s guess it’s time for me to get my big ass busy. XOXOX

What are your dreams & goals? How have you committed to your passionate path? I love hearing from you so please add your comment below!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!

I started my day off by sharing this on Facebook:

I’m going to quietly grmble in my cubicle this morning. :S (I couldn’t even manage to spell “grumble”)

…and ended it by celebrating an evening filled with stable inverted pressaways.  YIPEE!

When I sat down at my desk at 8am today, I was pissed off, frustrated, depressed, and absolutely, completely, totally stuck.  I felt trapped by my own life and so very tired of struggling to understand why, why, why I couldn’t stop cockblocking my own success (yes, I know I don’t have a cock and I wasn’t trying to get laid, but just go with me here).  I was disappointed that I wasn’t meeting my daily writing quota (I’m doing NaNoWriMo this year), that I hadn’t posted anything to this blog or my other blog in 5 or 6 days, and that I kept falling asleep in my cubicle (at 8am in the morning!) because I was so fucking exhausted.

So what the hell do you do when when you keep hitting the same wall of frustration over and over again?  What do you do when you’re seriously stuck in a funk and can’t shake loose?

First, stop trying to use logic to get out of it. If logic was going to work, you’d have found the answer days, weeks, or months ago…

You need an inspiration!

Luckily, you already have a phenomenal technique to create an AHA moment…

All you need is to get your conscious mind to go to sleep and give your creative muse a safe place to explore. Meaning you’ve got to shed some of those layers of assumptions, baggage, and bullshit that you gathered as a grownup…Give your inner child a game to play.. And show her an awesome playground preferably with a jungle gym.   Psst THIS IS WHERE POLE DANCING COMES INTO THE PICTURE.

Your Body In Motion…

Drive home from work, stumble in the front door, banish everyone from the pole room for at least 20 minutes, throw on the playlist that exemplifies your emotional funk, and peel away your inhibitions.

Pick music that makes you feel grumpy, or sad, or predatory… but only if you actually feel that way.  Don’t change out of your work clothes. STRIP out of your work clothes.  Let each layer of your emotional wall disappear as each song disappears.

Ride the wave of your own anger, your own sadness, your own angst until you can’t tell the difference between the beat of the drum and the beat of your heart. (see that upside down lady on the right with the goofy happy smile… THAT’S ME!)

Once you feel your energy start to wane, allow you body to slow down.  Let the new wave of exhaustion set in as your dance moves away from the pole and onto the floor.  Until finally there is only your breath.

Your Body At Rest…

Inhale that next breath, get out your journal (or a piece of paper) and write the answer to these four questions. They are designed to pull the answers to any difficult problem out of your own unconscious mind.  (PS – I’ve included my own answers but not the secret decoder ring, so if anything seems cryptic that’s because my muse likes to speak in alien languages)

Q1:  What do I need right now?

My Answer: Sleep glorious sleep and to stop pushing myself.  To stop second guessing and ignoring my own desires, wants, and opinions.  Because all I’m doing is wasting energy by “should”ing all over myself (shoulding is  when you tell yourself that you “should, must, have to” do something instead of allowing yourself to consciously choose). I work for 9hrs and come home full of resistance. I don’t feel like working on any of my real passions until I can drain that resistance away.

Q2.  What are the things in my life that feel right, that feel easy, that feel like me?

My Answer: my five wishes, my writing career, spending time with J, writing fiction, writing sensually, writing erotica, connecting to my passions through ExpressTheSensual, pole dancing, reading, working with JBT, hanging out with the important people that I care about, feeling love, feeling truth, feeling and expressing my freedom to choose my life and my reality with each breath, to know and experience this moment exactly as it is…

Q3.  What are the things in my life that feel wrong, that feel hard, that don’t feel like me?

My Answer: driving to work, engineering, aerospace, my day job, being a tech writer, worrying about NOT writing, listening to the people that tell me I need to do this – buy that – believe in their miracle product or end up being a dumb ignorant jackass, feeling like a coward, feeling like I have to do EVERYTHING right now, guilt for doing it wrong, guilt for not doing it before, guilt, guilt, guilt.

Q4. What do I forget to tell myself?

My Answer: That even if I feel like I should do everything, I really don’t need to do everything. That I can just let go of all the shit that I don’t want and spend my precious time, energy, and joy building my reality around all the awesome shit that I do want. To focus on my passion and my purpose.  To know that I have a choice and that I have the ability to choose differently as each moment arrives.  Then, my path will stop feeling sticky and I’ll stop feeling trapped.  (At this point angels descended, birds sang, and an intense desire to dance again hit me)

It is your work in life that is the ultimate seduction.” –Picasso

AHA!

Try this and you’ll discover what I did.  Your REAL PRIORITIES will suddenly be laid out in front of you in such vivid detail that you can’t ignore them anymore. Accept what is critical to you and then make that the most important part of your day.

Don’t just write down the essentials of your answer. Don’t just pay them lip service. Make choices that reflect YOUR priorities. Define your goals and believe in them.

A good friend once told me “Don’t die with your music still in you!”  Break down your walls by listening to your passions. Discover your bare essentials, and share your rapture with the world.

PS…these questions were inspired by a post by Havi Brooks, who you should be reading if you love kooky, fun, and awesome all rolled into one lady…and her duck Selma. Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!

This week was hard.  This week was bad.  This week I had to face people in pain.  People that I usually share In’n'Out fries with while shouting obscenities at the 49ers.  People that I’ve been more than a little drunk-off-my-ass-and-still-got-home-safe with.  People that have made a significant impact in my life.  And now, they hurt. Their families hurt.  Their reality hurts.  Their world hurts.

And I don’t know what to do.  You see, I’m horrible at watching pain. Forget Hollywood movies and all that namby-pamby bullshit.  It’s the real deal I’m talking about here.  The kind of pain where they might have to crack open your chest to save you life.  Or do test after test just to find out if they can treat whatever unpronounceable thing that you’ve got.  And it’s really hard to watch without crying.

So, I’m lost. Wondering what can I do?  How can I help?  I’m not a doctor, or a nurse. Shit, I still check the directions when I put on a bandaid.

Instead, I did what they have done for me.  I stayed. I didn’t leave.  I showed up and watched what happened.  I didn’t pretend it wasn’t happening.  I didn’t pretend I completely understood their pain.  I didn’t pretend I knew everything was going to be okay.  Because I don’t know.

I chose to be there with them as life unfolded. As the next moment passed and the next and the next.  When they needed to talk, we talked.   When they needed silence, we had silence.   When they needed to cry, we cried.

And when they needed to be alone, I left.  But I went home to my safe house, with my safe dog, in my safe car, to watch my safe television.  And it wasn’t the same.   So, I turned to my pole dancing practice the way people turn to meditation or that first cup of tea. A ritual to calm my mind with the long accustomed movements that I’ve done a million times before.  The dance where I give my emotions extra space, extra time, extra energy.

It helped.  It gave my body a way to understand the turmoil in my mind.  My arms and legs articulated sadness with each extension.  My chest knew waves of confusion through abdominal contraction.  And finally I cried for me.

The best way for me to help them, is to live, breathe, and be who I am… with them.  To laugh with them, cry with them, watch funny zombie movies with them.  To know each moment is as precious as it is fleeting.

If you have experienced sadness in your life, whether the pain was yours or someone you care about– Give it a ritual.  Create a safe space inside yourself without judgment and find a way to let go. Use sensual dance, or a walk along the ocean, or a gentle rocking chair on the outside porch.  Show up to life, give in to life, and let go.

This week there is a video, but I choose not to post it.  This week, the space below is for you.

How do you create personal space? What kind of rituals give you comfort? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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For some reason, I couldn’t figure out how to stop focusing on all my ToDo’s, relax and just be myself.

So during my pole improvisation session I decided to accept all of my “doing” layers and wear them like a badge of honor….

I kept my hair up in a tight bun to represent my working diva self. I kept on the blue tank top that covered my hungry belly while I shopped for groceries. I put on the standard bikini top and leg warmers that I use when I teach a pole session.

And then I waited for the music to lead me…

We Run LA She Wolf Good Girls Go Bad

First I let my mind and body move within all the layers. The dancing felt controlled, contained, and even a little shy.  Then, with each new song, I washed away a layer of ToDo grime. I let my hair down and played with the wild feeling of it whipping around my face.  I stripped off the tank top, transforming it from just a shirt into a sexy skirt, and then simply throwing it away.  I even seductively removed the legwarmers and bikini top (although that is NOT included in the video).

I made space for me by deliberately separating myself from everything that I do. I had to dance for 25 minutes before I remembered

What You Do is Not Who You Are

When you remove varnish layer by layer, you reveal that natural, organic wood beneath.  The imperfect but truly beautiful grain.  So often we forget to strip away all of the layers and just be ourselves. You may live the life of a business executive, of a mother, of a loving wife, of a caring sister….. But there is a deeper core of authenticity waiting below the surface.  And sometimes, when the layers get too heavy to bear, its time to let them slide off you body, and just allow yourself to be.

ps, if you’re having problems hearing the audio, check out the video on my site.

How do you find your authentic self? Have you ever used pole dancing to release your ToDo list worries before? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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Whatever difficulties you are having, it can feel as if the word “unlucky” is tattooed across your forehead.  Everyone knows you are having a stream of bad luck and there is nothing you can do about it….. RIGHT?

Wrong.  On unlucky days, pull your dragons out of the shadows and into the light. Show the world you aren’t afraid to make mistakes and  discover something new about yourself and your world.  Wear your accidents of fate, like a badge of honor that tells everyone you are finally LIVING instead of being afraid to share your true self. And then, laugh.

Laugh the whole day away. Bad shit is going to happen, so you might as well enjoy the experience, learn, and then laugh it off.  If the wind blows up your skirt, act like Marilyn Monroe the whole night. If your heels break, go barefoot and ask the strongest, sexiest men to carry you. If your laptop gets fried, move the meeting to a poolside resort and throw your laptop in the water to get their attention (check your warranty first though). If you laugh and learn from your dragons, they will gracefully bow at your feet.

Give in to your playful, sensual side and simply ride the day out. Laugh until your sides hurt. Then go home and pole dance until you end up laying on the floor unable to move a muscle. Get it out of your system today and by tomorrow you’ll realize that your “unlucky tattoo” was actually an auspicious dragon of good fortune.

I had to dance for 30 minutes before I defeated my dragons, but it was worth every sweaty second.  BTW, the two songs in this video are Milk by Garbage and Angel of Mine by Newtown Saints.

“Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight”

How do you purge your bad luck? Have you ever had a crappy day that turned into an amazing day? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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I’m not stopping.  Not tonight, not next year, not next month or ever.  In fact, I’ve made it my personal mission to use pole and exotic dancing to teach other woman how phenomenally beautiful and SEXY they already are. But the truth is that pole dancing is just the medium.  Every woman is amazing before I teach her a single twirl…before they take their first spin around the pole…before their hips ever move in the smallest of circles.

Every woman has an inherent sensual power. She carries it with her everywhere.  Ready to be unleashed in the kitchen, the boardroom or the bedroom.  It’s her choice.

What pisses me off, is that sometimes we as woman forget we’ve got it.  The cookie. The thing that makes our lovers stand up and beg for buttermilk.  I’m not sure when or where we stopped feeling that sensual animal inside, but I do know that if you don’t feel it, you’ve got to find it.  You’ve got to get the animal back.  She’s the source of your power and she’s sitting in the shadows asking what in the hell you’re waiting for…..

I can’t tell you exactly where she is, but I can tell you where she isn’t.  She isn’t at the top of the corporate ladder pretending to be a man at the head of the table.  I don’t mean you shouldn’t KICK-ASS at work.  And I definitely don’t mean you shouldn’t lead.  You should KICK-ASS at work, you can KICK-ASS at work, and you probably do KICK-ASS at work.  But not by trying to be “as good as a man.”  You already are an amazing woman, so why bother trying to be “a man.” I may never meet you and yet, I know this as ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

Have you ever noticed how exhausted you get trying to “beat men at their own game.” Yes, I know you can do it, but personally, I’ve found that playing the game like a man wears me down faster than the other guys.  They wake up at 6am ready to go (or is that just morning wood?) and I get more and more tired.

The problem isn’t that we are too weak, or too feminine, or too fragile because we are women.  The problem is that it’s just not our damn game. That game is meant to be played with a penis and, I don’t know about you, but I just don’t have one of those, nor do I want one. So, tomorrow, when you wake up, instead of getting ready to play their game one more fucking time, make the decision to change the rules.

Listen to your instincts, listen to your heart, and stop asking permission to be sexy.  Wear skirts if you’ve got great legs.  Wear pants if you’ve got a great butt.  Sway your hips ever so slightly when you walk.  Smile with the knowledge that you’ve got something the men around you don’t have, can’t have, and want BADLY.  Don’t apologize for loving the way you love, for caring the way you care, or for having hips, tits and an ass. Because I guarantee the men around you won’t ever apologize for having a penis.

Practice walking the halls at work (or the grocery store), turning your sensual power on and off, on and off.  Notice how people will start to watch you, open the door for you, give up their seat at the conference table for you.  I’m not telling you to flirt shamelessly (unless that’s what YOUR sensual animal wants).  I’m telling you to let the power of being a woman flow through you.

Remember, your body is made for creation– a beautiful expression of the living breathing world around you. The moment you accept that power and the responsibility that goes with it, you will feel that sensual ebb and flow…. You will BE that sensual ebb and flow. And the people around you, both men and woman, will respond.   They will respect you more for being a woman who enjoys being a woman. Men will feel more alive and be more authentic with you.  Other woman will be more connected to you.  It won’t be an instant utopia, but it will be a deeper alignment between you and the life you want to live.

So whatever you do, don’t apologize for being soft, for being sensual, for sometimes needing to cry for no reason at all. Don’t apologize for having an opinion or doing something different than everybody else.  Don’t apologize for playing like a woman, for starting up a new game, with new rules…. Especially if you are winning!

And don’t EVER apologize for pole dancing.

How do you express your sensual feminine self? When do you feel the most connected with the world? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Where can you find a celebration of sexual culture and the best people watching in LA?  At one of the largest consumer erotic shows in the US, the 13th annual EroticaLA. (PS, every link in this article is PG-13 PERIOD, but you’re on your own after that.) With an expected turn out of over 40,000 men and women, Erotica LA is getting ready for a three day conference, June 12-14,  that attendees have described as seductive, classy, and inspirational.

EroticaLA is an erotica convention (not hard core porn).  That means it’s more like an adult candy store *wink* with naughty shopping, colorful exhibits, and awesome How-To seminars. Plus, they’ve got some of the hottest burlesque shows and the sexiest people in the Los Angeles area.  Every booth and showcase is designed to tantalize and tease with tons of sex appeal but absolutely no live nudity.  The convention itself is extremely female friendly, since over 35% of attendees are woman and 67% of ticket holders attend with friends or as part of a couple.

Sexy Shows

Before you head out to the Los Angeles Convention center, make sure and check the EroticaLA show schedule and plan your day around the sexy showcases.  My absolute favorites from previous years were The Hollywood Men stage show, the Screaming O contest, and the Devil’s Playground Burlesque show.  And this year’s 4th annual FAME (Fans of Adult Media & Entertainment) Awards looks to be a scorcher with nominees such as Jenna Haze, Bella Donna, and Tera Patrick.  Plus, you can still add in your FAME vote!

A highly anticipated new addition to the lineup is the Miss EroticaLA Pageant.  One lucky lady will be chosen from 12 finalists and crowned on Saturday.  The winner will receive multiple exclusive film and photography sessions as well as public representation by Rising Star.  Plus, she’ll be on the cover of AVN Magazine. Ooh La La!

How To  $@(&!  Seminars

Don’t forget to check out a couple of the special seminars put on by The Pleasure Chest and others awesome Sexperts.  My absolute must-see seminar is the “Porn Stars Reveal: Sex Tips, Tricks and Bloopers” on Friday at 9:30pm and an interview on sex play tips and tricks with Nina Hartley, a registered nurse and adult film star.

Many of these seminars are R-rated adult material, so don’t be surprised if they get “down and dirty.” Besides, you aren’t going to EroticaLA for another Vanilla weekend are you? *wink*  I’m certainly not.

Naughty Shopping & Sensational Exhibits

Once you’ve figured out your showcase highlights, don’t forget to wander through the Blissful shopping opportunities.  You’ll find Henna tattoo artists next to sex toy exhibits and some awesome Pole Dancing studios ( to the LA PoleDancers!).

Luckily, EroticaLA has two shopping areas so you don’t have to see anything you don’t want to.

The Sensual Zone, usually on the right side of the entrance, is for those that want to just shop for sexy clothes, fun makeup ideas, and entertaining novelties. The X Zone, on the left side of the entrance, is for those that want to buy recently released adult videos, chat with porn stars (fully clothed of course), and check out some awesome people watching at local LA fetish clubs booths.  Just be forewarned, the X Zone always has what I’ve come to call “the huge house of porn,” so pick your pleasure wisely.  *wink*

Special Contests for Pole Dancers

In previous years, many well known dance pole manufacturers have created danceable exhibits and contests for pole dancers.  I’ve won some lovely prizes and tested some of the next generation, new and improved professional poles.  Plus, plenty of exotic, burlesque, and pole dance studios from the Los Angeles and Southern California area show up to advertise great classes, put on special workshops, and just have fun. 

If you are a new student looking to enhance your current training or an instructor looking to network, EroticaLA is the convention for you!

Tickets, Erotica Bucks, and Discounts… Oh My!

So, here’s the nitty gritty for tickets. All tickets are available through the EroticaLA website and TicketWeb. Every ticket comes with $5 Erotica Bucks, valid at any vendor at the conference (so if you get the 3 day pass, you’ll get $15 free bucks to spend) and if you twitter, you can get a special $5 off your EroticaLA tickets.

I always buy the EroticaLA VIP 3-day pass because I get to meet everybody on Friday, check out the awesome showcases on Saturday, and get the best shopping deals on Sunday.  However, if you can only go for one day, pick Saturday.  It has the best shows, the best seminars, and plenty of phenomenal people watching and pole dancing fun!  With EroticaLA, you just can’t go wrong.

Will I see you there?  ExpressTheSensual.com will have a tweetup on Saturday, June 13 at 12pm (noon)! Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!

Beginning with a luscious lapdance and ending with a flying pole duo, the Better Than Cheesecake gang filled the night with swirling hips, pole acrobatics, and feminine beauty. The audience particularly loved the shiny black boots and whipped cream wall dance to the sounds of Cream by Prince .  Fabulous performances by Kitty Zipper, Ima Honey, Lady Mystique, Nurse Nightingale, Kitty B Dangerous & Mississippi Jackson kept the house cheering until the final Shotgun show.

Check out this tasty morsel from Sweet Cheeks….

BREAK

As a special treat, Alethea Austin, titled Miss Sexy & the runner up at the inaugural 2009 USPDF championships, gave a solo filled with feats of flexibility, strength, and grace. She currently teaches at BeSpun Gym in Hollywood and has a workshop coming up at AntixFitness in June.  For some awesome videos of Alethea, please check out her youtube site here.

I love pole dancing because it combines my love of music that moves me with raw sexuality and acrobatic ability — Alethea Austin

Better Than Cheesecake is the performance troupe formed by the ladies of AntixFitness.   Mickey, alias Sweet Cheeks, leads the BTC gang and keeps her ladies in fit, fabulous shape.  AntixFitness is known throughout Redlands, CA for their PoleDancing Fitness classes and kick-ass Core’n’Sculpt workouts. Check out their website, www.AntixFitness.com, for more information about classes, workshops, and showcase events.

PS, as promised, I also added my pole skills to the showcase.  Just in case you missed it, here’s the video and a big THANK YOU to Mickey, AntixFitness, and the Better Than Cheesecake Banditas for letting me join in the festivities.  I hope to see you lovely ladies again soon! xoxo

How was your last performance? Do you love pole dancing showcases? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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LOVE

The LA Times Festival of Books (I’ll be Twittering from the festival on April 25th) Dr. Paul Ekman the inspiration for the FOX show “Lie To Me” anything edited or written by Susie Bright writing & pole dancing for a living my upcoming performance at Lady Banditas on May 1 Annie’s Mac’n'Cheese with Yogurt You’re Not Sorry (CSI remix) by Taylor Swift

And this! - Do you want to be the next Julie Andrews in the Belgium version of The Sound To Music?  All of these people do!

INSPIRATION

Check out this curious program that I found at www.ReCreateYourLife.com.  I’m using it to improve my self-confidence and motivation. It shows you how to get rid of limiting beliefs! Seriously, try one of these videos for yourself.  You only have to provide your email and they definitely don’t send spam.  You can eliminate four beliefs for FREE, for example “I’m not good enough” and “Mistakes & failure are bad“.

Initially it seems too simplistic to work, but it really did work for me.  I’m actually amazed at how different I feel. These guys believe that once you get rid of limiting beliefs, your life will open up to new possibilities and radical changes. They’ve even got a three month payment plan and a money back guarantee.   I know its a little weird but just go already!

CLARITY

Liquid Story Binder - I first began using this software to write short stories & novels. Then, I discovered that it’s perfect for organizing the details of magazine articles, blog posts ideas, and writing classes.  I use it all day every day. I can even add the photos and music that inspire me to write about each story.  If you’re a writer that uses a PC and you have a tendency to work on 5 to 20 projects at once (like me), this is an inexpensive way to keep track of your work.

KINK

• I met a jewelry designer the other day who said he could make me a Purple Titanium Pole!  Should I go for it?
  
• Head Mounted Water Cannon – I discovered this item in MAKE Magazine and I could barely believe my eyes.  The magazine is always full of the weirdest stuff I’ve ever seen and every article includes directions on how you can build each item (Just like MacGyver).

People who deliberate fully before they take a step will spend their lives on one leg. — Anthony de Mello

What LICKed you this week? Would you try to build a head mounted water cannon? Do you enjoy reading Susie Bright? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!

LOVE

Let the sun fill my boxes until they burn to cinders. I am not afraid — Yannori

sketch pad & colored pencils ginger brownies Eva Shaw’s Magazine Writing Course TS, thank you so much! FeelGood Drag by Anberlin This Messy post by Illuminated Mind eating chocolate Easter eggs South Bay Beaches Papillions HoneyMoon Voignier from TJs The Fast & The Furious (Vin is still HOT!)

INSPIRE

• Check out what 88 year old Hurricane Hazel does for her Canadian city.

CLARITY

• Story: Substance, Structure, Style and The Principles of Screenwriting by Robert McKee – I know, I’m not a screenwriter, but if you love Joseph Campbell’s views on The Hero’s Journey, you’ll love Robert McKee’s ideas about Story Writing.  Promise!
  
• Dragon NaturallySpeaking – A way to write exactly as I speak…where has this been all my life?
  

KINK

• Did you know that the Condom may have been invented by a Dr. Condom during King Charles II’s reign to protect His Majesty’s famed member.
• A Condom by another name… would be called: a bishop, a jolly bag, a bubblegum machine, a Coney Island whitefish, a rubber duckie, a willy-welly, a squeegee, and last but not least, Mr. Happy’s business suit.
• Condom Art – laugh your ass off!

Here’s to you, Mr. Happy

Penis Envy, Pshaw!

This week has been a series of lessons about learning to respond to life as a woman, instead of a woman trying to keep up with the men in her life. After over 25 years in the “corporate” world, I’ve finally discovered that I don’t have to prove to my boss that my… ahem… member…. is bigger than his. I always thought that the only way to communicate with the difficult men in my life was to speak to them from their own level.

I spent many years perfecting my ability to erase my femininity at work and replace it with a masculine facade that would give me the respect I deserved. Sadly, it worked! Every man responded to me as he would another man, and I began the fight up the corporate ladder.

The Wrong Perspective

And yet, I found that I still seemed to falter behind my male coworkers who put in less effort, less passion, and less personal investment in their projects. Over time it became harder and harder to keep my masculine facade in place and I regularly got sick or needed to go home and just cry at my own ineptitude.

But, finally I realized that I would always be less inept than my male coworkers at being a man… because I’M A WOMAN. Not only that, but I also recognized that looking to my boss or my male coworkers for validation of my ability to be successful is a complete waste of time– simply because their definition of success is based on the male viewpoint.

A Quest For The Princess

“I’m lost. I’ve gone to look for myself. If I return before I get back, please ask me to wait” –author unknown

But now what? How can I act like a woman at work after acting like a man for the last 25 years?

Well, believe it or not, I’m not the only woman to have discovered this particular problem over the years and each woman I found had a different way of utilizing this discovery. Some decided that the corporate ladder simply wasn’t a place where they could reach their aspirations as a woman and found motherhood and family life as the best route to true happiness. Some used their feminine wiles to create a job that could accent more of their skills as a woman instead of as a man.

Finally, a good friend recommended The Princessa : Machiavelli for Women by Harriet Rubin which explains how, as woman, we can use our femininity to change, not only the rules of business, but the entire game to our advantage.

Girls, Be All That You Can Be!

Through all of these options, one thing stands out, you must accept yourself as a woman and just let the men be men. Most of them will be so happy that you aren’t trying to prove that your phantom member is a big as theirs, that they’ll fall over themselves trying to help with your agenda.

You’ll discover that even in chaos your authentic feminine nature and personal strengths will always shine.

All you have to do is stop trying to be more than the man next to you, and instead just BE the amazing woman that you already are, with all your beauty, with all your emotions, and with all your feminine power.

When did you discover the power of being a woman? Have you ever experienced Penis Envy? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!