Express The Sensual

photo by VDFmotion

Lapdancing, it’s the mysterious private show that happens [booming announcer voice] BEHIND THE WALL in the VIP strip club.  It’s also one of my absolute favorite types of exotic dance.

I’m going to share my secret weapons with you that can help you give a tantalizing, mesmerizing, sensual lapdance.  But first, I want to demystify a few things.  Because giving a great lapdance isn’t as much about a following a set of rules as it is about making the choices that turn you and your partner on.

Lapdancing does not require a special chair

Lazyboy or a recliner; arms or no arms; chair, couch, or bed.  It really doesn’t matter what kind of seating arrangement you choose as long as it’s sturdy enough to hold the weight of two people.  The key point here is that lapdancing requires a LAP and that’s all. (Just check the name if you are fuzzy on this one)

Lapdancing does not require special clothes

You choose how much skin to bare.  You choose when to bare it (or not to bare it at all.) You choose something that makes YOU feel both comfortable and sexy (I said both and I meant both) Do NOT wear a sexy mini-dress and sparkly black knee-high boots unless YOU love them. (and I do)

Lapdancing does not require your corporate weapons, electronic gadgets, or medieval swords & daggers.

Don’t put your BlackBerry on stun–Turn it OFF! (No it’s NOT a good makeshift vibrator) Leave everything in the kitchen that doesn’t accentuate your sensual nature.  Because anything that might take away from you, is just an annoying distraction. YOU are the main event.

Choose a Damn HOT Song

Pick a song that makes your body move. Something that gives you chills and drops you into a luscious state of sensual expression.  Use music that makes your mind and body tingle with excitement. And as long as your partner doesn’t find the song annoying, you can bet he’ll be tingling too.

I like it by Moby Choke me, spank me, pull my hair by Xzbit

Choose a Playful OR KickAss Attitude

I say OR because this is your show.  If you feel sweet and cute and giggly, then be the nice MaryAnn that makes your man ache to brush the hair from your face.  If you feel strong and sexual and powerful, then be the naughty Ginger that brings all the boys to the yard. Just remember that your partner is a companion not your opponent.  Your first lapdance is probably not the time to act out any tie-him-up, tie-him-down fantasies (not without his permission anyway).

Choose a LAP willing to play your game

Communicate everything you need to ensure this dance is fun for both of you. For example, if you don’t want to be touched, ask your partner to sit on his hands.  If you want him to stay quiet, let him know that you’ll only respond to the words “mmm” and “oohhh” for the duration of the dance.  Remember, you WANT to turn him on, so don’t be so strict that you cut off his passion (no beheadings, please!)

So, with all those choices, what’s the magic key to unlock his desires and make a man beg for buttermilk (uh, I mean ask for another lapdance)…

The secret is to Tease him to the edge with the Promise of Desire and (perhaps) the Passion of Fullfillment.

Build excitement with titillation.  Provoke him with sensation and your determination to almost touch.  Almost touch his lips, almost touch his neck, almost touch his inner thigh.  This lapdance is about making your own choices, accepting your own power, and using it to build a deeper connection with your partner.  It’s personal.  It’s private. And it’s sexual.

It’s as easy as 1-2-3-4

1.  Slide up to the LAP
Whether you walk or crawl, sinuously find your way to his lap.  Take your time.  Meander.  There’s no rush when your focus is the tease.  Once you get there, nudge (not shove) his legs open by sliding your knee between his knees and then step into the gap.

2.  Warm up to the LAP
Use slow, luxurious Hurricane Hips or your favorite pelvic circles to get both of you in the mood.  Throw in some booty popping for good measure (using his legs to substitute for a chair back) and taunt him with a Just Missed Kiss.

Just Missed Kiss – drop your eyes to his lips and act like you are going to kiss him. Get so close to his lips that he can feel your soft breath and then, just miss. Divert your lips to one side and slide your cheek along his face. (Oops, better luck next time. Teehee)

3.  Change the view
Turning around while maintaing your hypnotic movement can be a bit tricky, especially if you are wearing a sexy pair of 6 in heels.  Ignore the temptation to throw one leg over his head.  Knocking his block off will seriously fuck up the mood (and you promised you wouldn’t behead him, remember) Instead try an Ocho or a Model Turn.

Ocho – cross your right foot over you left and slowly pivot on the balls of your feet. Let your right hip draw a semicircle until your tushy is directly in front of his face. (location, location, location!) Model Turn - shifting your weight from right foot to left foot while rotating your body 1/4 turn until you are facing away from him. To keep him mesmerized, continue rolling and circling your hips as you turn. (aahh, Houdini would be proud and asking for an encore)

4. Melt into the LAP
Being careful of his dangly bits, sit (yep, sit) directly onto his thighs.  Please, PLEASE, DONT HOVER. (your partner isn’t a public toilet) Lean back into him, giving him both the sensation of warmth from your body and the view of your lovely curves.  Now it’s time for the Shiver Giver.

Shiver Giver – Run your fingertips up his legs (outside for nice girls or inside for naughty girls), his arms, or along his neckline using a the tips of your fingers and a soft side to side motion. As if you were drawing a wave of pleasure on his skin. Instead of thinking “she’s touching me,” he’ll be thinking “Oh God, I hope she touches me there.”

At this point, you’re on your own.  I’m sure it’ll all end with a bang.  (oh my gosh, did I just say that? — Yes, yes I did)

Have you ever given a lapdance, why or why not?  What’s your favorite lapdancing outfit? Share your ideas in the comment section!

Did you read pt 1 of this series?… Find your perfect LAP here!

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Okay, it’s time for me to make a confession.  I LOVE giving a lapdance to a deserving guy.  But, I used to have a terrible time finding anyone who was willing to volunteer for the role of lap. Seriously, I couldn’t get a man to smile at me, let alone ask me out for coffee.   I would wander around looking at all the happy couples cooing and cuddling with each other and feel isolated, rejected, and confused.

I constantly questioned why I was always alone. And usually ended up blaming some random body part.  ‘Oh my butt is too big’ (it’s not). Oh my hips are too wide’ (they aren’t). ‘Oh my toes are too stubbly.’ (I was pretty upset by the time I got to my toes

What I didn’t recognize was that somewhere along the way, I had started taking dating advice from Red Sonja.

In case you didn’t grow up in the early 1980’s, Red Sonja is this KickAss swordswoman who has to save the world from an evil Queen and her all-powerful talisman.  And, to make matters worse, she’s got horrible script dialog and Arnold Schwarzenegger as a sidekick. (they call him Kalidor in the movie, but Arnold really only knows how to play the part of Arnold) So, to ensure that she doesn’t give away her cookie to any old Warrior King, Red Sonja vows that she’ll never give herself to a man unless he can beat her in a fair fight.

I thought this made perfect sense.  If I followed this rule, then any guy I’m willing to date has got to be at least as strong, smart, funny, healthy, successful, etc as me.  If he passes the test and proves all that, then I can be sure he’s worth a little lap bump and booty grind.  Right?

WRONG!

Testing men and treating then like an opponent was ruining both Sonja’s and my love life.  And totally screwing up my chances of ever practicing my blossoming exotic dance skills on a real live man.  I was beheading every potential lapdance partner before he even got a chance to sit down. (pun intended for all you adults out there)

Here’s Sonja and my problem stated, oh so eloquently, by the big brute with the bulging biceps after he learns of Sonja’s vow;

“So, the only man that can have you, is one who is trying to kill you. Hmm, that’s logic.” – Kalidor the Warrior King

Yes, ladies.  That’s sarcasm from the Governor of California.  Surprise!

If we assume an aggressive stance to dating, relationships, and lapdancing, then the only men we’ll having in our chairs will be overbearing, controlling assholes. (And personally, I prefer to avoid the jerks and power hounds whenever possible) Plus, if a nice man manages to slip under the barbed wire we put around our hearts and sits into a chair hoping for a little lovin’… our defenses will automatically kick in.  He’ll probably end up feeling like has to constantly battle for our affection. (I actually had a guy call me a Vengeful Vagina once.  That did NOT go over well.)

But rejoice warrior women! Red Sonja’s co-stars have the solution!  And this is the truth ladies, because once I figured this out, I went from no dates EVER, to meeting 3 or 4 men with lapdancing potential every week. Good men. Men that I really enjoyed talking and hanging out with.  I didn’t date them all, but I made a lot of friends and my phone was buzzing like a hornet’s nest for months.

Red Sonja’s Swordmaster warns: “Hatred of men in a lovely young woman… Such could be your downfall. You must learn to like men a little better” And Prince Tarn questions Red Sonja’s motives: “Why does she fight so hard? She doesn’t want to win.”

(I told you the script dialog was *awesome* right?)

Remember, it’s a waste of time and energy to beat men at their own game.  Screw their games.  I don’t want to play ‘who has the bigger penis’ anyway. Men aren’t the enemy! Life doesn’t have to be a Battle of the Sexes.

Once you move men out of the “opponent” category they will transform into a cherished companion. (It’s magically delicious!) It’s so much easier to smile at a man when you don’t require a battle plan first. (as long as they aren’t drooling assholes) Welcome the opportunity to be with someone who wants to share and grow with you… sensually, authentically, and joyfully. You might find that they surprise you by being caring, loving, individuals that want the same adventures in life that you do.  Including an awesome lapdance!

So, once you have him, what do you do with him?…. Read part 2 of ‘How to Give a Lapdance without Beheading Your Partner’

PS – Red Sonja is being remade with Rose McGowan (Warrior Woman Kick ASS!)

How did you meet your favorite Lapdance partner? Or are you currently holding auditions for the role of LAP? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!

D.M. asks: “I have watched (on video) a girl doing amazing floorwork while sitting [where she] can make her butt muscles bounce individually and together in short pulses.  It looks amazing and [I] wonder how it is done?” (Ladies, I WANT to answer your questions about pole dancing, exotic dancing, and sensual living. So send ‘em my way!)

First let me put every BUTT at ease.  If you have an ass, you can booty pop it. Small, big, round, flat, muscular, or wiggly–It doesn’t matter.  As you know, I have strong convictions about the power of your awesome ass.  So don’t even think about using it’s size or shape as an excuse.

Second, let me say that the way I explain, teach, & perform booty popping may be totally different than the way somebody else does it.  I only mention this because I’ve seen woman (strippers, belly dancers, and pole dancers) do things with their body that defy the laws of gravity.  I’m a physicist AND a pole dancer, so my booty popping methods take gravity into account.

A Popping Primer

Step one of booty popping is to first FIND and then RELAX your tush.

Most women hold stress in their derriere, causing it to stay tight and tense all day.   Tensing up your gluteal muscles (that’s the technical term for ass) actually accentuates all the cellulite. (Nooo!) This is not a pretty look.  It’s also impossible to get a good rump jiggle going if your ass cheeks are so tight together that you could crush coal into a diamond.

So, get up (yes, right now) and stand behind your seat, with your hands resting by your sides.  Bend your knees slightly to help relax your fanny, and then poke yourself in the hinter cheeks.  (This is a test. This is only a test… of the emergency tight ass system) It should feel fairly soft. (Poke. Poke) It shouldn’t feel tense or tight. (Poke) If it feels tight, bend slightly at the hips and lean on the top of your chair. This should help release the gluteal muscles even more.

Step two of booty popping is to ASSume the position.

Rest your hands or your forearms on the back of your chair (don’t use a chair that swivels) and tighten your abs slightly (to protect your lower back).  But DON’T tighten your tush.  Then, standing with your feet shoulder width apart, come onto the balls of your feet.  If you need to lean over the chair a little to keep your heiny relaxed and balanced on your tippy toes, do that.  This position places your tushy front and center as well as maintains the perfect balance for long term jiggling.

Step three of booty popping is to think “There’s no place like home.”

Basically, you take a cue from Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and click your heels together.  Keep the quads (front of your thighs) strong and try to pivot on the balls of your feet.  The faster you click your heels the more your booty will pop. You know you’re doing it right if it feels like the sides of your hootenany are vibrating.  (Check out my last video at min 0:56 to see this in action) If you don’t feel the vibration, bend over the chair a bit more and focus on relaxing your buns.

Start with a slow easy beat (Juicy by Better Than Ezra) and a slow shake.  Then try to build your endurance to a faster more sustained vibration (Smack That by Akon & Rump Shaker by Wreckx-n-Effect)

I bet doing that made you giggle like a schoolgirl!  Keep gigglin’– it helps with the jigglin’

Once You Pop, You Can’t Stop

Now, if you want to develop total tookus control, you’ll need to learn how to separate and activate ALL the different gluteal muscles.  I recommend you work with a professional popper or your local belly dance instructor to learn this.  But here’s the quick & dirty version.

• Sit next to a mirror in a relaxed straddle position with your legs straight out to either side.  (Don’t go into the full front splitz unless that’s *very* easy for you)
• Lean forward slightly, placing your hands on the ground in front of you, and using them to support the weight of your torso.
• Looking in the mirror, strongly contract your thighs; inner, outer, and top.  (You should see your ass cheeks lift off the floor, hooray!)
• Roll your pelvis under while contracting your thighs. This will cause your back to arch as if you were trying to hold water on top of your butt. (You should definitely see your ass cheeks lift off the floor alot, hip hip hooray!)
• Keeping your abs strong, repeat the contraction until you can minimize the flexing of your legs and maximum the lifting of your ass. (I like to do this in bed right before I go to sleep. It’s very entertaining for your lover or for your dog, whichever one you’ve got right now.)
• Over time, you’ll be able to isolate each ass cheek and pop them to the beat.

“I want women to be liberated and still be able to have a nice ass and shake it” ~Shirley MacLaine

So whether you prefer to shake your money maker or pop it like it’s hot (thanks Snoop Dog) you must practice, practice, practice!  Just be careful… because that Milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard.

Do you enjoy a good booty bounce now & then? How do you make your cheeks clap? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!