Dear Kiki,
I totally feel your pain.  I remember when I was 12 and had no idea what cellulite was or that I was doomed to one day look at my legs and literally think “eeewww”

But before I show you some easy ways to reduce the look of cellulite I wanted to take a minute and rant about how The Rules have hurt us (women with cellulite) over the years.

Win the Battle or Lose the War?

Now, I’m not usually the first person to shout “that’s not fair.”  But with cellulite I’m happy to stand on the tallest building and scream my head off for the bullshit of it all. Not because some woman are genetically more likely to have it than others, but simply because I don’t understand why we all hate it so much.

Beauty comes in all sizes, not just size 5. ~Roseanne

When did this happen?  I’m pretty sure the cave women didn’t run around worrying if their upper thighs had small lines, blemishes, or random indentations. And yet, today many of us spend millions of dollars on exercise machines, skin creams, and special diets that might – MIGHT- reduce (not get rid of but just reduce) the look of cellulite.

Having cellulite doesn’t mean you are skinny or not, healthy or not, past your prime or not (NOBODY is past their prime in my book).  In fact, almost every woman over 25 I know has some sort of cellulite, somewhere…not because I spend my time inspecting for it, but because every woman I know eventually tells me where it is.  I can be sure that somebody feels comfortable with me after we’ve had the dreaded “so where is your cellulite” conversation.

And even though I don’t believe it’s fair, I can’t help but dislike the look and feel of my own cellulite.  So let’s do ourselves a favor, ladies, and stop thinking of cellulite as something that was our punishment for past sins. In fact, I try to imaging that my cellulite is actually just a couple of cute, but misplaced dimples.  And dimples never bothered anybody (okay, rant over)

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. ~Confucius

Fight The Good Fight

So now, how do you deal with your body dimples so that you feel like the sexy, fabulous minx that you are?

Well, I don’t recommend fishnets, simply because they make things much to slippery for pole dancing.  (If you are giving a luscious chair dance however, then ROCK those fishnets until he’s drowning in your nets)

TIP #1

My favorite fishnet alternative is BodyStrings which I wrote about here and here. They are a slip free way to focus attention onto some colorful costume accessories, cover up anything you feel shy about, and make you look HOT HOT HOT.

TIP #2

You can also consider spray on nylons. (I totally just heard you say WTF? Spray on nylons, such as Nyce Legs, are a little know stripper secret that give you just enough extra color to hide or smooth out the look of spider veins, cellulite, or other body dimples.  Strippers also use them to cover up an accidental bruise (a hazard most pole dancers know) or hide small tattoos.

Now I don’t recommend these for daily use, simply because I prefer organic and natural products, but I do have them in my cupboard for performances & showcases.  However, you should test them out first.  Some woman still find them a bit slippery, but they work pretty well for me as long as I make sure they are very dry before curtain time.

TIP #3

My last tip is probably my favorite however.  Did you know that the look of cellulite INCREASES whenever you tighten the muscles of your butt or thighs. Walk yourself over to a mirror and take a look as you flex the area you are worried about.  You’ll see what I mean.

So, if you simply practice your pole and exotic dance moves while keeping your ass relaxed, nobody will ever know you’ve got such cute body dimples.  Plus, if you always keep a slight bend in the leg (instead of flexing your leg) facing your audience, the skin on your thighs will stay nice and taut.

And finally, make sure to always point your toes whenever you bend at the hips. Actually, always, always point your toes while dancing PLEASE. (Flexing instead of pointing, which we call PORN FOOT in my classes, is one of my major pet peeves) Pointing your feet causes an extension of the lower calf and stretches the muscles making your legs look, long, strong, and down to get the friction on (courtesy of Sir Mix A Lot)

So, you’ve got lots of options to help you resolve those sweet body dimples, but just remember…

There’s nothing wrong with you, EXACTLY as you are.

The most beautiful view is the one you share with me. ~Author Unknown

Is beauty a battle for you? How do you remind yourself of how beautiful you are? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

Ah yes, the many and various ways of moving across the dance floor without walking, strutting, or twirling.  Crawling, is so much more than the dictionary definition would imply…

“1 : to move slowly in a prone position without or as if without the use of limbs 2 : to move or progress slowly or laboriously”

Crawling is usually done slowly in a crouched or prone position…  But there is so much raw sensuality inherent in crawling. I feel so powerful while crawling that it’s easy to imagine I’m an animal stalking my prey.  So, I only use it when I have a very specific and appreciative audience.

I’m a major stickler for details when it comes to crawling because I’ve had so many students come to me with knee injuries and shoulder pain from doing it incorrectly.  But we’re going to fix all that right now.  So let’s get into the nitty gritty of the Slinky Crawl…

Get Down On It

First, in order to crawl you have to be down on the floor.  Now, don’t just rush down to the floor. Take a little extra time with this particular transition.  The most often used movement is a variation of the slinky squat, but my personal favorite is a slide.  Slide down the pole, slide down the wall, slide down a chair, slide down your partner (don’t be afraid of a little audience participation, ROWR!)

Simply place your back on the pole/wall/partner and your hands in a supporting position (usually above your head gripping the pole, pushing on the wall, or gently holding onto his neck) so you can control your slide.  Plant one foot on the ground while allowing the other foot to slide in front & away from you.  (If you have knee issues I can help you find a different variation that doesn’t require a deep knee bend like this) Remember, to keep your shoulders away from your ears & your abs tight.

Take an agonizingly slow journey to the floor until your tush hits the ground. This is a perfect chance to spend some time flirting with your audience or yourself.  (BTW, I teach at least four different ways to get to the floor in both my level 1 pole and level 1 exotic dance classes plus a gazillion different variations.  This is just one.)

DoggyStyle

Next, you need to get onto your hands and knees.  Again, there are a million different ways to do this, depending upon your level of flexibility, leg covering (ie slideability), and laziness.  I’m a laaazzzyyy dancer, so I like things that look easy even if they are really fucking hard to do.  And since we’re going to focus on crawling, let’s go with the straightforward technique.

At this point, you should be sitting on your butt with your back on the pole/wall/partner.  Just let your body continue to slide until your head is resting on the floor.  Then luxuriously roll onto your belly. (I teach how to roll over sensually as well, but I don’t want to overwhelm you here)

Now, here’s the tricky bit (Are you paying attention?) Press your hands on either side of your chest and open your knees so your legs loosely form a diamond shape. I.E. your knees will be wider than your hips.  This also means you can feel the floor on the soft flesh on the inner side of your knees but NOT on the knee cap.  (you only get two knee caps, so don’t skip this part!) Now push down with your hands as you let your butt move straight backwards toward your feet.  If you pretend somebody you really like is tugging down & back on your g-string, you’ll do exactly what I mean.

Notice that the majority of your weight is on your calves but your knees do NOT hurt.  That your hands, elbows, and shoulders are in line while the back muscles are relaxed and down.  Plus your stomach muscles are nice and tight.  Viola! Welcome to every man’s favorite position for sex. (ahem! oh, was that too risque?  Really? )

Creep, Slither, Crawl

Finally, let’s take your first slink along the floor.  If you are positioned correctly, you’ll feel how easy it is to rock your body away from your hands toward your butt, BUT (teehee) you start to loose your balance if your head & chest go too far forward past your hands.  You’ll also feel how easy it is shift your weight from one leg to the other leg.  Now shift your weight back AND toward one side.  This makes it easy to lift the opposite leg off the floor and slide it closer towards your hand.  Move that hand forward, shift your weight again and slide your leg again.  Make sure you end up on the inner edge of your knee and not the knee cap. (I really recommend wearing Bella pants for this part until you’ve mastered the rolling and sliding motions.)

Then just repeat, repeat, repeat.  When I use this particular crawl, I feel like I’m rocking my butt and sliding my legs.  My hands just keep my upper body balanced for the next step. And to keep things sexy, I make sure I relax my neck, so my hair hides my face and my head sweeps (slowly and easily) from side to side.

Then, when I’m ready to get closer to my audience, I deliberately look up through my hair and lock eyes.  Even if they can’t see your face, they will get a chill from your sensual power in this moment.

When everything is working right, this crawl feels very strong, but looks very slow.  It’s deliberately lazy. You want your audience to focus on your butt swinging from side to side. (I know I would *wink*) This movement can exude both vulnerability, from your prone position, and a direct sensual power, when executed with confidence.

Allow both the music (I love Esthero for the deep sensual beats) and your personal style to infect each sway of your hips, each shift of your sensuous legs. Focus on how the audience responds to you or on how you respond to your surroundings.

Do your feel supported by the earth…

Do you feel the slowly building heat of holding your limbs close and keeping your head lowered…

Do you feel rushed or lazy, soft or dangerous, exposed or predatory…

When you play with the animal inside you discover the freedom to express your authentic, sensual nature.

Let your boundaries go.

Do you usually crawl when you dance? What other variations do you enjoy? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

I started my day off by sharing this on Facebook:

I’m going to quietly grmble in my cubicle this morning. :S (I couldn’t even manage to spell “grumble”)

…and ended it by celebrating an evening filled with stable inverted pressaways.  YIPEE!

When I sat down at my desk at 8am today, I was pissed off, frustrated, depressed, and absolutely, completely, totally stuck.  I felt trapped by my own life and so very tired of struggling to understand why, why, why I couldn’t stop cockblocking my own success (yes, I know I don’t have a cock and I wasn’t trying to get laid, but just go with me here).  I was disappointed that I wasn’t meeting my daily writing quota (I’m doing NaNoWriMo this year), that I hadn’t posted anything to this blog or my other blog in 5 or 6 days, and that I kept falling asleep in my cubicle (at 8am in the morning!) because I was so fucking exhausted.

So what the hell do you do when when you keep hitting the same wall of frustration over and over again?  What do you do when you’re seriously stuck in a funk and can’t shake loose?

First, stop trying to use logic to get out of it. If logic was going to work, you’d have found the answer days, weeks, or months ago…

You need an inspiration!

Luckily, you already have a phenomenal technique to create an AHA moment…

All you need is to get your conscious mind to go to sleep and give your creative muse a safe place to explore. Meaning you’ve got to shed some of those layers of assumptions, baggage, and bullshit that you gathered as a grownup…Give your inner child a game to play.. And show her an awesome playground preferably with a jungle gym.   Psst THIS IS WHERE POLE DANCING COMES INTO THE PICTURE.

Your Body In Motion…

Drive home from work, stumble in the front door, banish everyone from the pole room for at least 20 minutes, throw on the playlist that exemplifies your emotional funk, and peel away your inhibitions.

Pick music that makes you feel grumpy, or sad, or predatory… but only if you actually feel that way.  Don’t change out of your work clothes. STRIP out of your work clothes.  Let each layer of your emotional wall disappear as each song disappears.

Ride the wave of your own anger, your own sadness, your own angst until you can’t tell the difference between the beat of the drum and the beat of your heart. (see that upside down lady on the right with the goofy happy smile… THAT’S ME!)

Once you feel your energy start to wane, allow you body to slow down.  Let the new wave of exhaustion set in as your dance moves away from the pole and onto the floor.  Until finally there is only your breath.

Your Body At Rest…

Inhale that next breath, get out your journal (or a piece of paper) and write the answer to these four questions. They are designed to pull the answers to any difficult problem out of your own unconscious mind.  (PS – I’ve included my own answers but not the secret decoder ring, so if anything seems cryptic that’s because my muse likes to speak in alien languages)

Q1:  What do I need right now?

My Answer: Sleep glorious sleep and to stop pushing myself.  To stop second guessing and ignoring my own desires, wants, and opinions.  Because all I’m doing is wasting energy by “should”ing all over myself (shoulding is  when you tell yourself that you “should, must, have to” do something instead of allowing yourself to consciously choose). I work for 9hrs and come home full of resistance. I don’t feel like working on any of my real passions until I can drain that resistance away.

Q2.  What are the things in my life that feel right, that feel easy, that feel like me?

My Answer: my five wishes, my writing career, spending time with J, writing fiction, writing sensually, writing erotica, connecting to my passions through ExpressTheSensual, pole dancing, reading, working with JBT, hanging out with the important people that I care about, feeling love, feeling truth, feeling and expressing my freedom to choose my life and my reality with each breath, to know and experience this moment exactly as it is…

Q3.  What are the things in my life that feel wrong, that feel hard, that don’t feel like me?

My Answer: driving to work, engineering, aerospace, my day job, being a tech writer, worrying about NOT writing, listening to the people that tell me I need to do this – buy that – believe in their miracle product or end up being a dumb ignorant jackass, feeling like a coward, feeling like I have to do EVERYTHING right now, guilt for doing it wrong, guilt for not doing it before, guilt, guilt, guilt.

Q4. What do I forget to tell myself?

My Answer: That even if I feel like I should do everything, I really don’t need to do everything. That I can just let go of all the shit that I don’t want and spend my precious time, energy, and joy building my reality around all the awesome shit that I do want. To focus on my passion and my purpose.  To know that I have a choice and that I have the ability to choose differently as each moment arrives.  Then, my path will stop feeling sticky and I’ll stop feeling trapped.  (At this point angels descended, birds sang, and an intense desire to dance again hit me)

It is your work in life that is the ultimate seduction.” –Picasso

AHA!

Try this and you’ll discover what I did.  Your REAL PRIORITIES will suddenly be laid out in front of you in such vivid detail that you can’t ignore them anymore. Accept what is critical to you and then make that the most important part of your day.

Don’t just write down the essentials of your answer. Don’t just pay them lip service. Make choices that reflect YOUR priorities. Define your goals and believe in them.

A good friend once told me “Don’t die with your music still in you!”  Break down your walls by listening to your passions. Discover your bare essentials, and share your rapture with the world.

PS…these questions were inspired by a post by Havi Brooks, who you should be reading if you love kooky, fun, and awesome all rolled into one lady…and her duck Selma. Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!

This particular question is actually a point on contention between many schools of pole dancing.  So the answer is “It Depends.” (I always hated that particular answer though)

Basically there are 3 different views…

First, there’s the idea that you don’t have to listen to the music at all.

That you should perform whatever trick you want whenever you feel like it (or in a specified routine) but the music doesn’t have to match or even make sense. I’m just going to throw this one against the wall and out of the club. Because as far as I’m concerned, if you don’t even notice the music then you aren’t pole dancing, you’re pole tricking…which is a useful training method but NOT a worthwhile performance technique (okay rant over, sorry)

Second, there’s the premise that you find the “hidden beat” of the song.

I’ve heard this described at the “undercurrent” or the “underlying wave.”  This particular technique is usually used during dance improvisation and in many ways I like it.  It encourages the dancer to focus on not just the beat but also the effect the beat has on her heart, her emotions, and her non-logical, pure response body.

However, I think you can take this idea too far.  To me, the point of dancing is to express your authentic self within the layers of music, within the physical studio space, using the tools and props and world around you.  It’s a different and beautiful way to experience life in the current moment.  And that includes the music you hear playing.

By ignoring the music entirely to focus on your own internal beat, you have stopped dancing and started meditating.  I don’t believe there is anything fundamentally wrong with this, BUT a true exotic dancer knows that her performance must make a connection with the audience.  If you are completely inside your own mind, then the audience is more like a peeping tom than a group of people experiencing your art. (I’ve actually had friends say that they felt like it was rude to watch me dance when I used this particular method)

To ignore the music is to sever your connection with the audience.  And this is never the goal for an exotic dancer.

Lastly, there’s the technique where you dance specifically to the beat of the music you are using.

If you ask a professionally trained dancer, they will most likely say that this method is the only method that makes sense for a performance.  And if we were all classically trained dancers with 15+ years of training in ballet, jazz, and tap, then I’d probably agree.

Because over time, your internal beat becomes automatic whenever the music hits you. Your body already knows that this extension of your arm is perfect for who you are right now and to match the emotional content of the song…. that this invert will feel amazing during a booming creshendo…. That rolling on the floor during the guitar solo makes the most sense within your muscle memory.

This, to me, truly defines performance art.  But it doesn’t happen overnight and you can’t force it.  Let me say that again, you can’t force it.  You can create a routine that hits each beat. You can practice the routine until your feet bleed.  You can perform it flawlessly in front of a starstruck audience (hello So You Think You Can Dance). 

But unless you put your entire spirit into it, there will be something missing.

In the end I believe … An exotic dancer uses the beat as if it was her partner, expanding and contracting against him as the underlying wave calls to her.

Creating a never ending dynamic between his beating heart and her authentic soul.

Which method do you use for performances? And which one do you use when you are alone? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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BodyStrings have always been love at first sight for me.  I originally discovered these beauties while searching for an alternative for fishnet tights.

I always though fishnets looked hot, but whenever I wore them for pole work, I just slid right down.  Climbing was next to impossible and inverts were seriously scary.

My first experiment with Fishnets quickly hit the “Oh Shit” level on the Danger, Will Robinson, Danger meter when I realized that the safety of my head was depending on the friction between the pole & a teeny, tiny 1×1 inch patch of skin. (as compared to the 4×4 inch patch I depend upon now So, I went searching for fishnets with much bigger diamond spaces between the “threads.” (while singing ‘We’re going on a Treasure Hunt‘ because that’s just how I roll!)

What I found was BodyStrings!

So the skeptical scientist in me, looked at the single picture online (this one to the right) and said..

What the Fuck are these things? Do they come that way? They look cool, but how do these things work? Will it be just as slippery as fishnets?”

Luckily, I’ve been advised by my therapist that I should avoid talking to myself for hours at a time.  So instead, I asked a few of my exotic dancer & aerial acrobat friends who know about these sorts of wild costume accessories.

BodyStrings?” they said ” They are just a stretchy string that you wrap around your body. People usually double up the colors, and put them on one or both legs to visually extend their costume or add an artsy aspect.”

My brain then flashed…

Awesome Hot Naughty

Tie-me-up Playful Must have two in every color

(my brain can be very insightful sometimes)

So I bought 6 colors from ElectroniqueBoutique.com and quickly discovered that, for some reason, the damn things are sold in single strings instead of in pairs. (so much for logic).

Tip: Always buy 2 BodyStrings of the same color, at the same time, or your left and right sides won’t match.

Then I began experimenting with how to use them.  And they deliver!  They’ve got that sexy fishnet look and let you stick like glue! (no glue was harmed in the testing of this statement)

I love experimenting with them and discovering new & fun variations every time I pull them out, but these 3 are my favorite:

1. Create your own Fishnet Tights

Basically you fold two (or three if you’re really adventurous) different BodyStrings in half, step on the middle with your foot, and then crisscross them up your leg until you run out of string.

You can create large or small diamond patterns.  But, make sure you keep the BodyStrings taut & tie them off tightly just above or below your kneecap to avoid slippage while you dance.

2. Create your own Ballerina Platform Shoes

Pull out a pair of plain black or white high heeled shoes, fold one BodyString in half, wrap it around the heel of the shoe and then cross it over the top of your foot.  Then cross the ends under the arch of the shoe and cross it over your Achilles heel.  Do this once or twice more and then, using whatever BodyStrings are left, crisscrossing them up your leg or around your lower calf.

This is a seriously HOT look that any woman can rock, and it makes your shoes feel so much more secure for pole dancing. I even wear shoes with BodyStrings like this to formal events (I’ve actually had men tell me these were the cutest shoes they’ve ever seen!)

3.  Create your own Choker & Fishnet Sleeves

Again, fold one BodyString in half & place the middle on one side of your neck.  Wrap the ends around your neck (keeping things a bit looser than in the previous two examples since you don’t actually want to choke yourself) until you end up on the same side that you started. Then simply crisscross the BodyStrings under and over your arm until you reach your elbow and tie the ends off. (This ends up looking similar to the leg version above)

You can also use them to crisscross over your torso while wearing a bikini top…

Transform a tank top into an empire waist top…

Create a colorful hairdo by adding in a BodyString as part of a braid or as a headband that turns into a choker…

Or even wrap them up the outside of a pair of black boots & create an extra sexy accent in whatever color you want…

And just in case you’re still on the fence (or the Hoop, like the luscious Leigh Acosta sporting her BodyStrings in the picture at the top of this post)… Here’s another beautiful example of a pole dancer who has BodyStrings and knows how to ROCK ‘EM!…Check out the awesome Starr Grrl!

Okay, I’m going to stop gushing now. Just go get a pair while they are still 2.99 2.49?! (OMG, they are on sale for 2.49 each) I’m off to buy more colors! I’ve only got red, black, nude, white, blue, pink, and lavender.

Any piece of clothing can be sexy with a quietly passionate woman inside it.” ~Author Unknown

What are you going to do with your BodyStrings? Send me your BodyString picture with a short HowTo and I’ll post it here! Share your ideas in the comment section!

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I first discovered most of these beauties during my monthly forays into the wilds of Hollywood Blvd in downtown Los Angeles. There is a special section just east of Highland (approximately 10 city blocks long) that is filled with tattoo parlous, cheap souvenir shops, tired tourists that wandered too far from Grauman’s Chinese theater, and the absolute best exotic dance clothing and shoe shops on the planet.  Seriously, these places are amazing and the clothing runs from super cheap to super chic.  You can get custom made bikinis for 20 bucks or custom made boots with Swarovski crystals for $1000 and up.  I don’t buy g-strings from anywhere else.

However, there are a couple of online stores where you can procure my favorite pole dance attire as well, so for those of you that don’t have a shopping trip to the city of movie stars planned anytime soon, I’ll include links wherever I can.

1.  Body Strings

I could sing the praises of body strings to the world.  These dirt cheap stretchy lengths of nylon fabric are just the leftover ends of costumes that didn’t make it to the showroom floor.  But you can wrap your legs, arms, torso, or any other exposed body part for a beautiful criss crossing accent of every luscious curve. You can use them to hold up your hair and then seductively set it free during a performance.  I constantly use them to safely secure an annoying pair of platform heels and keep them from shifting during a dance (critical advice if you want to avoid flying stripper shoes, and you do!).  Make sure and get two of each color (they sell them in singles) to have an infinite combination of twisty sexy fun!

2.  Fabric Scarves

I have been using scarves in my pole dancing improvisation since I first started learning this beautiful movement over 6 years ago.  They have the ability to add so many different elements depending on what kind you like and how you use them.  First, just a basic soft silk scarf whether it is long or relatively short can add a splash of color & a flowing element instantly to any dance. I use it to accentuate movements to my audience or tickle my own skin with it’s liquid-like texture.   And of course, you can cover any exposed curves that you wish to use to tease your audience or yourself.  You can even spray it with your favorite perfume to create a deeper emotional connection to your memories through scent.

Oh, and if you ever feel the need to restrain your audience (during a lapdance where he refuses to sit on his hands for example) then the scarf is a perfect way to keep those wandering hands safely tucked away. I’ve even seen boas & neckties used in a similar manner when necessary.  Oh the joy of audience participation!

3.  Boots

Yes, these to me are not just an alternative for shoes.  Although some pole dancers use them during each and every practice session, I consider them a prop that adds an extra bit of sweet, sweet Ginger (my version of the naughty girl in all of us).  First, don’t just throw on a pair and hope that you can dance in them.  Boots require extra caution and plenty of practice to understand how to work with the layer of sticky pleather that can slow down your spins but rocket your climbs & inverts to the level of spiderwoman. I like shiny black thigh highs for nights when I’m feeling powerful and predatory, but a pair of red go-go boots can’t be beat for a stomping good time.

4.  Lace or Mesh CoverUp

If you want to discover the best piece of clothing that adds mystery while keeping the dancer cool and saucy, then pick up one of these. Although they don’t actually hide anything from view, they provide a saucy layer of fabric to slide your hands seductively over your curves and tug & remind your audience of your (lack of) clothing.  And if you choose one that has a silver or metallic thread, you’ll find your body sparkles like a starlet on the dimly lit dance floor.  Plus, you always have the option to remove them if they hamper your movement & toss them at your audience for added effect.

5.  Legwarmers

Alright, I have to admit that some people hate this leftover fashion statement from the Jane Fonda era of exercise, but I am truly a big fan.  Although it does take some extra practice to figure out how to climb and hold advanced inverts while wearing leg warmers, I believe it is worth the effort.  For me, I get the benefit of warm calves that look hot, without having to put on a pair of heels or boots.  Plus, these babies slide.  So all my floor work becomes more fluid, more streamlined, and just more sensual overall.  I feel that legwarmers give me more freedom to move and explore the different textures of dance. Maybe they can do the same for you.

6.  Masks

Ah, the power of anonymity.  I will tell you a secret that I’ve never spoken to a soul before; I have never felt more electric energy coursing through my body than during a masked performance.  Holding your audience in suspense, wondering if you’ll take off the mask and reveal your face (even if they know what you look like) is a invigorating experience that I believe every dancer should have at least once. And Halloween is the perfect chance.  Make sure to pick a mask that is comfortable but won’t fall apart while you slink and slide (venetian masks are perfect for this!).  I prefer ones that only cover my eyes and that tie in the back so I have the choice of exposing my true self or not.  And make sure you avoid masks with too many feathers or sharp corners so that you don’t accidentally catch yourself or distract from your deliciously hidden dance.

7.  Hats

Let me just say that I LOVE HATS.  I have seen hats transform my students from a rocker chick into a tantalizing tease, from a sensual siren into a Betty booty. Everybody dances different when they put on a hat….as long as you remember one little rule — keep the hat on your body or in your peripheral vision.  You want to keep your emotions and your audience focused on how you react to the hat. Does it make you feel flirty to cover you face & your lovely curves?  Does it make you feel strong to look out from underneath the brim and catch someones eye?  Or maybe it’s just one of those dances where you take off everything… Except for the hat!

Try one prop or try them all, and I’m sure you’ll find something that will change (or possibly revolutionize) your pole dancing practice.  Plus, you never know what will spark your creative fire.

Just remember…

YOU connect a series of movements into a dance.

YOU own the authentic mesmerizing sensuality.

YOU hold the key to a powerful expression of life in this moment.

…An accessory is just a little bit of frosting, but YOU take the cake.

PS – The subject & title of this post came from a tweet by the lovely miss Angela (@Angee514)

What’s your favorite pole dancing accessory? What store is your favorite guilty shopping pleasure? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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photo by VDFmotion

Lapdancing, it’s the mysterious private show that happens [booming announcer voice] BEHIND THE WALL in the VIP strip club.  It’s also one of my absolute favorite types of exotic dance.

I’m going to share my secret weapons with you that can help you give a tantalizing, mesmerizing, sensual lapdance.  But first, I want to demystify a few things.  Because giving a great lapdance isn’t as much about a following a set of rules as it is about making the choices that turn you and your partner on.

Lapdancing does not require a special chair

Lazyboy or a recliner; arms or no arms; chair, couch, or bed.  It really doesn’t matter what kind of seating arrangement you choose as long as it’s sturdy enough to hold the weight of two people.  The key point here is that lapdancing requires a LAP and that’s all. (Just check the name if you are fuzzy on this one)

Lapdancing does not require special clothes

You choose how much skin to bare.  You choose when to bare it (or not to bare it at all.) You choose something that makes YOU feel both comfortable and sexy (I said both and I meant both) Do NOT wear a sexy mini-dress and sparkly black knee-high boots unless YOU love them. (and I do)

Lapdancing does not require your corporate weapons, electronic gadgets, or medieval swords & daggers.

Don’t put your BlackBerry on stun–Turn it OFF! (No it’s NOT a good makeshift vibrator) Leave everything in the kitchen that doesn’t accentuate your sensual nature.  Because anything that might take away from you, is just an annoying distraction. YOU are the main event.

Choose a Damn HOT Song

Pick a song that makes your body move. Something that gives you chills and drops you into a luscious state of sensual expression.  Use music that makes your mind and body tingle with excitement. And as long as your partner doesn’t find the song annoying, you can bet he’ll be tingling too.

I like it by Moby Choke me, spank me, pull my hair by Xzbit

Choose a Playful OR KickAss Attitude

I say OR because this is your show.  If you feel sweet and cute and giggly, then be the nice MaryAnn that makes your man ache to brush the hair from your face.  If you feel strong and sexual and powerful, then be the naughty Ginger that brings all the boys to the yard. Just remember that your partner is a companion not your opponent.  Your first lapdance is probably not the time to act out any tie-him-up, tie-him-down fantasies (not without his permission anyway).

Choose a LAP willing to play your game

Communicate everything you need to ensure this dance is fun for both of you. For example, if you don’t want to be touched, ask your partner to sit on his hands.  If you want him to stay quiet, let him know that you’ll only respond to the words “mmm” and “oohhh” for the duration of the dance.  Remember, you WANT to turn him on, so don’t be so strict that you cut off his passion (no beheadings, please!)

So, with all those choices, what’s the magic key to unlock his desires and make a man beg for buttermilk (uh, I mean ask for another lapdance)…

The secret is to Tease him to the edge with the Promise of Desire and (perhaps) the Passion of Fullfillment.

Build excitement with titillation.  Provoke him with sensation and your determination to almost touch.  Almost touch his lips, almost touch his neck, almost touch his inner thigh.  This lapdance is about making your own choices, accepting your own power, and using it to build a deeper connection with your partner.  It’s personal.  It’s private. And it’s sexual.

It’s as easy as 1-2-3-4

1.  Slide up to the LAP
Whether you walk or crawl, sinuously find your way to his lap.  Take your time.  Meander.  There’s no rush when your focus is the tease.  Once you get there, nudge (not shove) his legs open by sliding your knee between his knees and then step into the gap.

2.  Warm up to the LAP
Use slow, luxurious Hurricane Hips or your favorite pelvic circles to get both of you in the mood.  Throw in some booty popping for good measure (using his legs to substitute for a chair back) and taunt him with a Just Missed Kiss.

Just Missed Kiss – drop your eyes to his lips and act like you are going to kiss him. Get so close to his lips that he can feel your soft breath and then, just miss. Divert your lips to one side and slide your cheek along his face. (Oops, better luck next time. Teehee)

3.  Change the view
Turning around while maintaing your hypnotic movement can be a bit tricky, especially if you are wearing a sexy pair of 6 in heels.  Ignore the temptation to throw one leg over his head.  Knocking his block off will seriously fuck up the mood (and you promised you wouldn’t behead him, remember) Instead try an Ocho or a Model Turn.

Ocho – cross your right foot over you left and slowly pivot on the balls of your feet. Let your right hip draw a semicircle until your tushy is directly in front of his face. (location, location, location!) Model Turn - shifting your weight from right foot to left foot while rotating your body 1/4 turn until you are facing away from him. To keep him mesmerized, continue rolling and circling your hips as you turn. (aahh, Houdini would be proud and asking for an encore)

4. Melt into the LAP
Being careful of his dangly bits, sit (yep, sit) directly onto his thighs.  Please, PLEASE, DONT HOVER. (your partner isn’t a public toilet) Lean back into him, giving him both the sensation of warmth from your body and the view of your lovely curves.  Now it’s time for the Shiver Giver.

Shiver Giver – Run your fingertips up his legs (outside for nice girls or inside for naughty girls), his arms, or along his neckline using a the tips of your fingers and a soft side to side motion. As if you were drawing a wave of pleasure on his skin. Instead of thinking “she’s touching me,” he’ll be thinking “Oh God, I hope she touches me there.”

At this point, you’re on your own.  I’m sure it’ll all end with a bang.  (oh my gosh, did I just say that? — Yes, yes I did)

Have you ever given a lapdance, why or why not?  What’s your favorite lapdancing outfit? Share your ideas in the comment section!

Did you read pt 1 of this series?… Find your perfect LAP here!

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I constantly questioned why I was always alone. And usually ended up blaming some random body part.  ‘Oh my butt is too big’ (it’s not). Oh my hips are too wide’ (they aren’t). ‘Oh my toes are too stubbly.’ (I was pretty upset by the time I got to my toes

What I didn’t recognize was that somewhere along the way, I had started taking dating advice from Red Sonja.

In case you didn’t grow up in the early 1980’s, Red Sonja is this KickAss swordswoman who has to save the world from an evil Queen and her all-powerful talisman.  And, to make matters worse, she’s got horrible script dialog and Arnold Schwarzenegger as a sidekick. (they call him Kalidor in the movie, but Arnold really only knows how to play the part of Arnold) So, to ensure that she doesn’t give away her cookie to any old Warrior King, Red Sonja vows that she’ll never give herself to a man unless he can beat her in a fair fight.

I thought this made perfect sense.  If I followed this rule, then any guy I’m willing to date has got to be at least as strong, smart, funny, healthy, successful, etc as me.  If he passes the test and proves all that, then I can be sure he’s worth a little lap bump and booty grind.  Right?

WRONG!

Testing men and treating then like an opponent was ruining both Sonja’s and my love life.  And totally screwing up my chances of ever practicing my blossoming exotic dance skills on a real live man.  I was beheading every potential lapdance partner before he even got a chance to sit down. (pun intended for all you adults out there)

Here’s Sonja and my problem stated, oh so eloquently, by the big brute with the bulging biceps after he learns of Sonja’s vow;

“So, the only man that can have you, is one who is trying to kill you. Hmm, that’s logic.” – Kalidor the Warrior King

Yes, ladies.  That’s sarcasm from the Governor of California.  Surprise!

If we assume an aggressive stance to dating, relationships, and lapdancing, then the only men we’ll having in our chairs will be overbearing, controlling assholes. (And personally, I prefer to avoid the jerks and power hounds whenever possible) Plus, if a nice man manages to slip under the barbed wire we put around our hearts and sits into a chair hoping for a little lovin’… our defenses will automatically kick in.  He’ll probably end up feeling like has to constantly battle for our affection. (I actually had a guy call me a Vengeful Vagina once.  That did NOT go over well.)

But rejoice warrior women! Red Sonja’s co-stars have the solution!  And this is the truth ladies, because once I figured this out, I went from no dates EVER, to meeting 3 or 4 men with lapdancing potential every week. Good men. Men that I really enjoyed talking and hanging out with.  I didn’t date them all, but I made a lot of friends and my phone was buzzing like a hornet’s nest for months.

Red Sonja’s Swordmaster warns: “Hatred of men in a lovely young woman… Such could be your downfall. You must learn to like men a little better” And Prince Tarn questions Red Sonja’s motives: “Why does she fight so hard? She doesn’t want to win.”

(I told you the script dialog was *awesome* right?)

Remember, it’s a waste of time and energy to beat men at their own game.  Screw their games.  I don’t want to play ‘who has the bigger penis’ anyway. Men aren’t the enemy! Life doesn’t have to be a Battle of the Sexes.

Once you move men out of the “opponent” category they will transform into a cherished companion. (It’s magically delicious!) It’s so much easier to smile at a man when you don’t require a battle plan first. (as long as they aren’t drooling assholes) Welcome the opportunity to be with someone who wants to share and grow with you… sensually, authentically, and joyfully. You might find that they surprise you by being caring, loving, individuals that want the same adventures in life that you do.  Including an awesome lapdance!

So, once you have him, what do you do with him?…. Read part 2 of ‘How to Give a Lapdance without Beheading Your Partner’

PS – Red Sonja is being remade with Rose McGowan (Warrior Woman Kick ASS!)

How did you meet your favorite Lapdance partner? Or are you currently holding auditions for the role of LAP? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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First let me put every BUTT at ease.  If you have an ass, you can booty pop it. Small, big, round, flat, muscular, or wiggly–It doesn’t matter.  As you know, I have strong convictions about the power of your awesome ass.  So don’t even think about using it’s size or shape as an excuse.

Second, let me say that the way I explain, teach, & perform booty popping may be totally different than the way somebody else does it.  I only mention this because I’ve seen woman (strippers, belly dancers, and pole dancers) do things with their body that defy the laws of gravity.  I’m a physicist AND a pole dancer, so my booty popping methods take gravity into account.

A Popping Primer

Step one of booty popping is to first FIND and then RELAX your tush.

Most women hold stress in their derriere, causing it to stay tight and tense all day.   Tensing up your gluteal muscles (that’s the technical term for ass) actually accentuates all the cellulite. (Nooo!) This is not a pretty look.  It’s also impossible to get a good rump jiggle going if your ass cheeks are so tight together that you could crush coal into a diamond.

So, get up (yes, right now) and stand behind your seat, with your hands resting by your sides.  Bend your knees slightly to help relax your fanny, and then poke yourself in the hinter cheeks.  (This is a test. This is only a test… of the emergency tight ass system) It should feel fairly soft. (Poke. Poke) It shouldn’t feel tense or tight. (Poke) If it feels tight, bend slightly at the hips and lean on the top of your chair. This should help release the gluteal muscles even more.

Step two of booty popping is to ASSume the position.

Rest your hands or your forearms on the back of your chair (don’t use a chair that swivels) and tighten your abs slightly (to protect your lower back).  But DON’T tighten your tush.  Then, standing with your feet shoulder width apart, come onto the balls of your feet.  If you need to lean over the chair a little to keep your heiny relaxed and balanced on your tippy toes, do that.  This position places your tushy front and center as well as maintains the perfect balance for long term jiggling.

Step three of booty popping is to think “There’s no place like home.”

Basically, you take a cue from Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and click your heels together.  Keep the quads (front of your thighs) strong and try to pivot on the balls of your feet.  The faster you click your heels the more your booty will pop. You know you’re doing it right if it feels like the sides of your hootenany are vibrating.  (Check out my last video at min 0:56 to see this in action) If you don’t feel the vibration, bend over the chair a bit more and focus on relaxing your buns.

Start with a slow easy beat (Juicy by Better Than Ezra) and a slow shake.  Then try to build your endurance to a faster more sustained vibration (Smack That by Akon & Rump Shaker by Wreckx-n-Effect)

I bet doing that made you giggle like a schoolgirl!  Keep gigglin’– it helps with the jigglin’

Once You Pop, You Can’t Stop

Now, if you want to develop total tookus control, you’ll need to learn how to separate and activate ALL the different gluteal muscles.  I recommend you work with a professional popper or your local belly dance instructor to learn this.  But here’s the quick & dirty version.

• Sit next to a mirror in a relaxed straddle position with your legs straight out to either side.  (Don’t go into the full front splitz unless that’s *very* easy for you)
• Lean forward slightly, placing your hands on the ground in front of you, and using them to support the weight of your torso.
• Looking in the mirror, strongly contract your thighs; inner, outer, and top.  (You should see your ass cheeks lift off the floor, hooray!)
• Roll your pelvis under while contracting your thighs. This will cause your back to arch as if you were trying to hold water on top of your butt. (You should definitely see your ass cheeks lift off the floor alot, hip hip hooray!)
• Keeping your abs strong, repeat the contraction until you can minimize the flexing of your legs and maximum the lifting of your ass. (I like to do this in bed right before I go to sleep. It’s very entertaining for your lover or for your dog, whichever one you’ve got right now.)
• Over time, you’ll be able to isolate each ass cheek and pop them to the beat.

“I want women to be liberated and still be able to have a nice ass and shake it” ~Shirley MacLaine

So whether you prefer to shake your money maker or pop it like it’s hot (thanks Snoop Dog) you must practice, practice, practice!  Just be careful… because that Milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard.

Do you enjoy a good booty bounce now & then? How do you make your cheeks clap? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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For some reason, I couldn’t figure out how to stop focusing on all my ToDo’s, relax and just be myself.

So during my pole improvisation session I decided to accept all of my “doing” layers and wear them like a badge of honor….

I kept my hair up in a tight bun to represent my working diva self. I kept on the blue tank top that covered my hungry belly while I shopped for groceries. I put on the standard bikini top and leg warmers that I use when I teach a pole session.

And then I waited for the music to lead me…

We Run LA She Wolf Good Girls Go Bad

First I let my mind and body move within all the layers. The dancing felt controlled, contained, and even a little shy.  Then, with each new song, I washed away a layer of ToDo grime. I let my hair down and played with the wild feeling of it whipping around my face.  I stripped off the tank top, transforming it from just a shirt into a sexy skirt, and then simply throwing it away.  I even seductively removed the legwarmers and bikini top (although that is NOT included in the video).

I made space for me by deliberately separating myself from everything that I do. I had to dance for 25 minutes before I remembered

What You Do is Not Who You Are

When you remove varnish layer by layer, you reveal that natural, organic wood beneath.  The imperfect but truly beautiful grain.  So often we forget to strip away all of the layers and just be ourselves. You may live the life of a business executive, of a mother, of a loving wife, of a caring sister….. But there is a deeper core of authenticity waiting below the surface.  And sometimes, when the layers get too heavy to bear, its time to let them slide off you body, and just allow yourself to be.

ps, if you’re having problems hearing the audio, check out the video on my site.

How do you find your authentic self? Have you ever used pole dancing to release your ToDo list worries before? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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Playful Plans

A warm-up is defined as “the preparation period for a specific workout” and many people find the traditional fitness warm-up boring or monotonous.  (I certainly do.)  However, the purpose of the wamup, to “increase [the] core temperature as well as prepare the muscles & joints for movement,” is still critical for avoiding injury and staying healthy.  In short, you have to warm-up before every strenuous exercise training session.

The good news is that you are a pole dancer, (phew, dodged that bullet!) so you’ve got an endless source of sensual movements at your disposal.  Here’s how I structure a fun and easy warm-up that will make your body healthy and ready to pole dance.

Sexy Music

The first thing you need is a special playlist.  Don’t throw a bunch of random songs into a playlist and hope that you’ll automatically feel that sexy vibe.  Pick 3 or 4 songs to get the body moving for the 10-15 minutes required for your warm-up.

1. Start with a gentle song that grounds you like I Belong to You by Lenny Kravitz or Milk by Garbage.
2. Then buildup to some faster beats that make you want to move your hips like If Tha Mood by Esthero or The Naughty Song by Cory Lee.
3. Finally give yourself an easy transition into dancing by choosing one of your absolute favorite pole dancing songs.  For me, this is Sky by Sonique and Next Contestant by Nickelback.

Set The Mood

Once you’ve got your music ready, you need to make sure your body, mind, environment are ready to dance.
Set aside some time and a place where you won’t be interrupted. Simply ask your family and loved ones to give you this space.  You deserve it!

Choose something to workout in that makes you feel feminine and fit. I enjoy dancing in booty shorts and a bikini or wrap top simply because exposing all that extra skin helps me with advanced spins & inverts.  But when I warm-up, I also wear a pair of yoga or jazz pants.  This heats up my leg muscles, plus, I get the added benefit of removing (*wink*) my pants during my first dancing song (#3 above).

Begin with a Butterfly’s Breath

Turn on your music and start with a few easy breaths.  Simply close your eyes while standing and focus on the sensation of breathing. Then, notice how the music makes you feel.  This will center your body and your mind in just 30 seconds.

Keeping your knees relaxed, let your arms slowly float upwards as you inhale, and slowly float downwards as you exhale. Treat your arms like the delicate wings of a butterfly and bring your breath and your movement into sync.  Now add in a wrist rotation.  Simply turning your wrist in circles.  This movement is similar to some belly dancing arm movements and will warm-up the shoulders, biceps, triceps, and forearms.

Shift to the Hips

As your second song comes on, start to practice the mini-hurricane. Take your body through each of the four hip points, smooth out the circular motion, and finally add in the chest undulations.  Let your body play with this movement as you begin to feel warmer and warmer, allowing your hands to drift over your hips, thighs, and feminine curves.

When your really start to feel the music, transition into the Full Hurricane, lifting one heel at a time and shifting your weight back and forth.  If you need more details, please read my post about Luscious Abs and The Full Hurricane hip circles.  This movement sequence will ensure that your back, chest, hips, legs muscles and joints get warm and feel amazing.

Dance Honey, Dance!

Now, as your third song begins, use a playful and sensual walk to move over toward the pole.  (You can check out my other post about getting rid of shyness & learning the sensual walk here.) Now, let the beats of your favorite music give you the momentum to spin, play and fly. Use your favorite floor work, pole twirls, and one or two handed spins.  Just try to avoid inverting for this third song until you are absolutely sure that your upper body is limber and ready.

The more often your practice this Sensual Ritual the easier it will become.  Don’t forget to change your playlist every few weeks to keep things exciting and new.  Stay playful in the knowledge that you got a great warm-up and protected your body from injury. And stay confident that you have built a Sensual Ritual that you can use anytime you need to ground the body and relax the mind with movement and joy.

Practice Safe and Sensual Pole Dancing Ladies!

PS. if you need help with any of these movements or with a specific pole dancing move, you can contact me for a private pole dancing session in-studio or by webcam at my online pole dancing website www.BalanceElemental.com, 310-809-2910 or yannori(at)ExpressTheSensual(dot)com.

What are your favorite pole dancing warm-up moves? When do you use Sensual Rituals to spark your creativity? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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I’ve got the answer.  The secret to sexy, powerful abs that WILL give you a beautiful, flowing, seamless invert is something called the Full Hurricane.  This awesome and deeply sensual movement shares its roots with every inherently feminine dancing style, whether its Belly Dancing, African Dance, or Exotic Stripping.  It is undeniably erotic, engaging, and has plenty of playful variations (which I’ll talk about in a minute).

“Todo, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore” – Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz

Before you can learn the Full Hurricane, you’ve got to start developing your abdominal and chest muscle control.  Put on some hot yoga pants and a sexy tank top, find a full length mirror, and practice the exercises below.  You’ll have an irresistible Full Hurricane & be well on your way to a fluid, strong invert in no time.

Pelvic Isolations & Circles

First, we need to mark out the four pelvic points.  Stand with your feet shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent, and your tush relaxed. We’ll call this the neutral position.   Avoid squeezing your ass.  Watch out for flying monkeys! Squeezing your ass doesn’t make it look pretty.  It actually accentuates the cellulite that every woman hates, so don’t do it when you dance.

Lets start with the Four Pelvic Isolations…

Dorothy: Lions? Scarecrow: And tigers? Tin Woodsman: And bears. Dorothy: Oh my!                – from the Wizard of Oz

• Point 1 (forward): Put your hands on your hips and tuck your pelvis under.  This means you contract your abs strongly and pretend you are scooping ice cream with your pelvis.
• Point 3 (back): Now, relax back to neutral, and then stick your tush out.  Keep your knees bent to protect your lower back. (PS, I’m not crazy.  I know point 2 comes after point 1, but it’ll all make sense to you in a minute)
• Point 2 (right hip): Again, relax back to neutral, and then straighten your right knee while bending the left knee.  You should feel your right side abdominals contracting.  This will lift the right hip higher than the left hip. (still not crazy, just remember that )
• Point 4 (left hip): One last time, relax back to neutral.  Straighten your left knee while bending your right knee.  Again, feel the strong contraction in your left side abominals.  Now your left hip is higher than your right hip.
• Create a circle: Simply connect the points in order. Point 1, tuck the pelvis.  Point 2, right hip up. Point 3, the booty lifts back.  Point 4, left hip up.

(hint, hit the play button to hear a preview)

• Throw on some slow dancing tunes like Orestes by A Perfect Circle , #1 Crush by Garbage , Think Twice by Groove Armada and Slept So Long off the Queen of the Dead soundtrack .  This is not the time for “Somewhere over the Rainbow”.
  
• Practice moving from one point to the next: Make the movement as smooth as possible. It’ll feel like your hips are rolling like a quarter or a hula hoop when it lands on the floor.  Remember to avoid those flying monkeys and keep your ass relaxed.

A Mini Hurricane

In that last step, you’ve already started a mini-Hurricane.  As you practice your pelvic circles let your chest undulate with your hips. When the right hip lifts up, let the left shoulder drop.  When the left hip lifts up, let the right shoulder drop.  Add in your hands, by placing them on your body and letting them roam over your curves.  Sliding across your hips or maybe tugging on your hair a little.  You’ll feel your spine become fluid, liquid, playful. I know you can feel it now!

Just to make sure you don’t get too one sided, practice the four points in the opposite order.  Point 4, left hip up. Point 3, the booty lifts back.  Point 2, right hip up.  Point 1, tuck the pelvis.  When you’ve got the hang of it, smooth out your circle. Now, practice circling one direction a few times, and then going back in the opposite way. Back and forth, around and around.  You’ve got it!

“It’s a twister! It’s a twister!” -Zeke from The Wizard of Oz

Now, lets take your Hurricane and make it irresistible!  Starting in neutral position, lift your right heel off the ground, balancing on the ball of the right foot, and shift 2/3 of your weight toward the left foot.  You may have to bend your knees a little bit deeper to keep a stable center.  This requires strong core muscles too, so don’t cheat!  Now, practice your four points again, and whenever you are ready, start your mini-Hurricane.

Practice this on the other side.  Starting from neutral position, lift your left heel off the ground, balancing on the ball of the left foot, and shift 2/3 of your weight toward the right foot.  Then add in the mini-Hurricane.

The Full Hurricane

Okay, here’s the last part.  Once you are comfortable balancing your mini-Hurricane while on the ball of one foot, I want you to try shifting your weight slowly from one side to the other, while also switching your feet.  So, start on the ball of the right foot, drop that heel to the floor but keep doing the mini-Hurricane, and then come onto the ball of the left foot.

Take it slow. Slow is sexy, so there’s no need to rush. Listen to some kick ass tunes and keep your body undulating in The Full Hurricane movement. As The Wicked Witch of the West said “I’m melting!  I’m melting!”

“Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain” -Wizard of Oz

Okay, I know that felt awesome, but you also want to invert right?  So, here’s how this helps!  Controlled inverting requires that you are capable of executing an abdominal contraction strong enough to curl your hips and knees upward toward your shoulders.  The Hurricane develops your core strength and the muscle memory to make inverting easier.

The cool thing, is that once your body starts to get the hang of contracting your abs strongly, you can set it on autopilot.  Your muscles actually have a memory for movements that you repeat over and over again. Muscle memory is why it’s easier to find the light switches in your house as compared to someone else’s house.  Your hands remember the movement from the countless times you’ve flipped on the switch.

The Hurricane and repeated pelvic tucks give your abs tons of practice by simulating an invert without ever leaving the floor.  And without over taxing the muscle so you can practice it every day.  Plus, the Hurricane feels phenomenal and just looks HOT!

Oh, Auntie Em – there’s no place like home! -Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz

If you need more assistance with the Hurricane movement you can contact me for Pole Dancing Classes in the Los Angeles/Long Beach area, Pole Dancing Private Session (local & by Skype), or check out my Online Classes.

What other playful ways to you use to build your core strength? How did your body feel after trying this exercise? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!

Make A Wish

You’re not alone.  Many of my beginner students are afraid to let go of their inhibitions and express their sensual nature through movement.  And one of my readers recently asked “I was wondering if you had any advise on getting over the whole embarrassing/shy thing.”

Happily, overcoming your performance anxiety is absolutely possible for everyone. And the best part is that, the confidence you gain while dancing will propagate into every aspect of your life. But, you will have to face a fear or two.  Don’t worry.  Keep reading and you’ll find plenty of tools to help you own the dance floor in almost any situation.

These Boots Were Made For Walking

The first thing I teach in every class is how to walk.   And the reason is because I want you to have the ability to feel like the sexy, powerful, woman that you are.  I want you to turn it on and off at will.  Literally.

I encourage my students to take their “sexy” out for a walk in a public place. Strolling along the sidewalk as they usually do, and then turning on the charm so to speak.  Try it and you’ll be amazed at the positive reactions you receive and how vibrant you feel.

To turn on your “sexy” walk you simply need to remember four little words…

SLOW SLINK SLIDE SMILE

1. Slow - Take your time.  Charismatic woman usually aren’t in a rush to get somewhere.  Let you body move with purpose and intention, staying conscious of each step along your inner and outer path.

2.  Slink – Allow your hips to sway and your body to curve slightly while you walk.  According to “The Definitive Book of Body Language,” men love a 67-80% hip-to-waist ratio.  But you don’t actually have to have that ratio to be alluring.  By tilting your pelvis as you walk, you automatically create the perfect hip-to-waist ratio.  Plus, if you sway your torso, you will give the impression of flexibility.  And both sexes find flexibility attractive in a mate.

3. Slide - As you take each step, slightly drag the big toe or inside of your shoe along the ground.  This forces you to slow down, and makes your legs look longer.  Extending your legs is a powerful nonverbal signal that indicates you are a mature passionate woman .

4.  Smile – A small, tight lipped smile is a submissive gesture that says “I have a secret.”  If you pair this with a slight down tilt to the head as you look up, it makes men want to protect you and woman want to be you.

To practice these steps, turn on some stimulating music and strut your stuff in front of a mirror.  It’s important to be able to look yourself in the eye and feel the seductive energy coming off your body. If you feel it, so will everyone else. Once you’ve mastered the sexy walk both in the mirror and in public, then you’re ready to begin shedding your performance anxiety.

Here are two major milestones required to help you dance with self confidence.

All Mine

The first milestone is to remember that you own the stage. At this moment, anyone watching has come here to see you.  Not the girl before you.  Not the girl after you.  Not the pole or the chair or any other props you might be using.  You.

That means you are in control.  Don’t downplay this control and don’t ignore it. Pick music, sexy shoes, clothes, and any other props that make you feel empowered… and by that I mean HOT.

Maintain that control.  Don’t let the attention of your audience wander.  Keep it focused on you for your entire dance.  If you’re wearing shoes, stamp your feet to make a loud noise.  Add in some twirls to automatically cause their eyes to trace your movements.  Go extra slow to drag out anything scintillating and force them to feel antic………….pation.

If Tha Mood

The second milestone is a little bit tricky.  And by that, I mean you have to make a choice.  Do you want to notice your audience or do you want to ignore them? Each choice will cause your audience to react in a different manner.

If you ignore your audience, they will feel like they are spying.  They may feel guilty while watching you but unable to stop as you lead them through an exhilarating secret moment. This is the easiest method, but can sometimes backfire if you don’t allow some playfulness to show through.  The audience must believe that you are giving them this glimpse of your own free will.  If they believe you don’t want to be there, they will notice this negative emotion instead of your beautiful movement.

Alternatively, if you pay attention to your audience, they will feel as if they are participating in the dance. As if you are playing with their emotions.  This method requires that you use the SMILE you learned in the previous exercise and make eye contact.  Even if it’s only for a moment.  As you catch someone’s eye think “this is my stage”, “I am beautiful”, or “I feel amazing.”  Besides being the absolute truth, these thoughts will send a strong vibration throughout your audience and fill you with courage.

What the Fuck is LadyLike

With each performance, whether its for your class or at a pole showcase, you’ll feel the anxiety fade.  By facing this fear, you will actually know more about your inner self and learn to express that feminine fire in your everyday life. You’ll discover that it is better to laugh at your small mistakes and simply stretch through them playfully.  85% of the time your audience won’t notice the mistake anyway, and 10% of the time they’ll think you did it on purpose.

The Power is yours already, you simply have to accept it.

Little Johnny & Jane are playing in the garden when they begin having an argument over whether girls are better than boys.  Johnny pulls down his pants and says “Boys are better than girls ‘cos you don’t have one of these!” Jane bursts out crying because she knows she doesn’t have one of those. She rushes inside to her mother and a little while later comes back outside with a huge grin on her face.  “My mom says girls are better than boys,” she says with confidence. “Are not” says the boy, “You haven’t got one of these.” Jane looks at him, raises her skirt and pulls down her panties.  “My mom says that as long as I have one of these, I can have one of those anytime I want.”

How do you eliminate shyness? Do you enjoy performing for your class or for groups? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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A Quality Pole

First off, lets get you excited, meaning all hot and bothered, about buying that 8 foot tall (or more!) floor to ceiling shiny metal pole.  Believe me, the first time you wrap your hands around the perfect circumference of polished metal with the knowledge that it’s yours and your alone, you’ll absolutely understand why I’ve got three poles at home.

A pole is an investment in your health and fitness, as well as an outlet for your sensuality, so take some time browsing the different types of materials, sizes, surface finishes and spinning or static versions.  And always buy from a professional pole manufacturer that uses high quality materials and manufacturing methods.  Although you may find these to be a little more expensive than the cheap “toy” poles (avoid the Electra Pole and the Peek A Boo Pole), the reputable manufacturers listed below also have good customer service to keep your new baby in perfect working order.

Titanium, Brass, and Steel… Oh My!

Yes ladies, you’ve got your pick of materials.  Depending on the manufacturer, you’ll find poles made of three different materials.

• Stainless Steel has a lovely polished silver sheen but a slightly slippery grip when new (see my pole FAQ article for tips to work in your pole).
• Chrome has a great ready to use surface right out of the box. They are both easy to clean and usually the cheapest option available.
• Titanium Gold (TG) comes in a beautiful dusty gold finish and a grip worth raving about, but you have to be a little careful when you clean it and it’s definitely on the more pricey side.
• Brass, when new, looks like (you guessed it) brass.  Give it a month of two of good use though, and you’ll start to see it’s surface tarnished from skin oils.  Brass is moderately expensive, and must be cleaned often to keep it hygienically clean, but it provides the perfect grip surface once its worked in.  This is why it is the original material used for poles in most Strip Clubs.

I can hear you crying, “Which one do I choose?”  Most beginners and advanced enthusiasts alike find that either stainless steel or chrome is really the best bang for your buck.  It’s the best way to ensure that, after training on your home pole, you’ll be comfortable spinning on any pole you find in the Sensual Girl’s Wilderness of dance clubs, pole dancing studios, and the occasional date with a Fireman (Thats Hot!).

A Painted Pole

Once you start perusing, you’ll might discover that some pole manufacturers offer a painted pole option.  Believe it or not, your pole can arrive painted in the mysterious shade of flat black, the playful shade of pink, the vamp shade of red, and, for the truly adventurous…faux-flames. (yes, really!)  In fact, you can even work with the manufacturer for any custom paint job.  Although many notable ladies of pole have started with painted poles, very few find this option to be optimal.  The paint does increase the grip, but I’ve found them to be a little too kitschy for me. And any small scratch can cause a serious problem later, whether its flaking paint or a painful metal gouge you can’t buff out, leaving your pole unusable (boo, hiss, cry).

The All Important Issue of Girth

The standard diameter size of most poles is 50mm or approximately 2 inches.  However, since every woman is different, pole manufacturers realized that they have to provide an option for those ladies with smaller hands.  And the 45mm (~1.5 inches) diameter pole was born.  Here’s the short of it, if you’ve got tiny hands and the only pole you plan on using is the one at home, consider buying the 45mm option.

To Spin or Not To Spin

Goodness, there’s still more to say about poles (I could truly type all day, but I know you want to get on with buying one!).  Your standard static pole is just like a pipe that runs from floor to ceiling.  You’ll be twirling around it, but the pole never rotates.  However, some manufacturers sell poles with static and spinning options.  That means that the pole is mounted on a special smooth rotation mount inside the pole, and the outer pole can spin freely (clockwise or counter clockwise) once the locking pin is released.

Personally, I’m a static pole girl, but I love having the spinning pole option when I need a day of true centrifugal acceleration (that what creates the force you feel pulling you away from the center when you spin round and round).

Follow Your Feelings

So, there are three major pole manufacturers out there, and they all offer some variation of the pole materials, sizes, surfaces, and spin options I’ve listed.  Peruse all three (they are linked below) just to get a feel for things and pay attention to which features thrill and excite you more than the others.

• Do you love the silver surface of the stainless steel or the smaller diameter size? – Choose the LilMynx Standard
• Do you want a static pole & one that rotates like a fabulous spinning top? – Choose the Chrome or Titanium Xpole
  
• Do you want a flaming pipe to twirl on in your guest bedroom? – Choose the custom painted LilMynx
• Do you want a brass pole for the best grip on the planet? – Choose a PoleDanzer Brass Pole
  

Just listen for your amorous heart to call out for one of them.

When I took this step, I started with the basic Lil Mynx (a good beginner’s pole), but quickly upgraded to the Standard 50mm Xpole .  It gave me all the options; static or spinning with the turn of two screws, the best grip surface right out of the box, portability, and easy height variations.  They also have great customer service and a warranty.  In fact, I love this pole so much, I have three! (two stainless and one titanium).

Remember, a little risque goes a long way!

So, which one did you choose and why? Share your ideas in the comment section.

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Twirl, Swirl, and Fly!

“Fear is not of the present but only of past and future which does not exist” –A Course in Miracles

Lost In Thought

Have you ever laid down in bed only to find yourself concerned about the mistakes you made that day; instead of drifting off to sleep? Or perhaps, found yourself distracted by thoughts or plans for tomorrow; instead of focusing on the task at hand?

Usually we just accept these worries as part of modern society, blaming the fast paced life of jobs, kids, chores, and hobbies (if you’re lucky enough to have free time that is). But there is a simple exercise that takes only a few minutes, where you can use your senses to bring your mind out of that fog of worry and back to the ground.

A Dream within a Dream

NowDreaming, as opposed to DayDreaming, takes your thoughts out of the past and future, and places them directly into the Present.

With this technique you can simply take a minute for some NowDreaming, and realign your focus on what is happening right now. Here’s how it works…

1. Step away from whatever you are doing and find a quiet spot.

This may mean you need to remove yourself from your current surroundings, just close your eyes wherever you are, or simply turn off the radio/television. The point is to stop whatever you are doing. You’re going to keep on worrying and lose that chunck of your day anyway, so you might as well spend a minute in productive meditation.

2. Focus on your breath, letting it flow easily.

You don’t have to slow it down and you certainly don’t want to speed it up. Every time you take a breath, simply let your lungs fill up with air and then fully exhale naturally. You should feel yourself become slightly calmer after only a few easy breaths.

3. Imagine that you have just fallen asleep and started to dream.

In your dream, you have all the same memories about what happened that day; worries, mistakes, successes, all the checked off items in your to-do list. And, also in your dream world, you have all the same expectation of what still needs to be done today. But, since you’re dreaming, you know that none of these worries or fears should actually upset you or distract you, because they aren’t “real.” In fact, the only thing that is real, is your breathing. Your breathing keeps your in the Present moment.

4. Consider that the worries aren’t “real” because you’re dreaming.

Continue your natural breathing, while letting that knowledge sink in. Now here’s the odd part. The human mind can’t tell the difference between a dream and reality. Its all just electrical impulses in our brain. So, if you can shrug off your dream worries, then you can do the same with your real worries. That doesn’t mean you ignore what needs to be done, it means you simply don’t have to worry about it, because its just a “dream” worry until its actually time to do it.

5. Let yourself “wake up” from your NowDream.

Open your eyes, if they were closed, and take a few more simple breaths while you let your senses explore your current surroundings. Are your hands warm or cold? What colors do you see? Is it still quiet? Give yourself the time to Be Present and forget all those past and future worries. Just leave them in you dreams.

How do your worries affect you? What techniques do you use to let go? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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