In case you didn’t know already, I’ve got a soft spot for real strippers.  And not just because they created the rich and beautiful art form that I love (pole & exotic dance)… But also because a real stripper understands an honest days work, just like you do.

Consider exactly what a stripper does…

in corporate lingo…

A stripper provides immediate value to her customers upfront (by dancing on that huge stage FOR FREE). Then, she uses her communication skills (both verbal and non-verbal) to actually get paid for a private consultation (otherwise known as a lapdance).  She has to pay 20% of her commision for the meeting room (or lap dancing booth) before she gets to use it. And another 10-15% for job security (also known as the Bouncer) before she walks out the front door to go home.

She doesn’t get a salary, health insurance, or even the promise of a job waiting for her tomorrow.  And she still has to pay taxes on every penny she makes.  Plus, she completes the entire transaction while exposing more skin than most of us are willing to bare at the beach on a hot summer day.

A real stripper knows that her 9pm – 3am job has the same fundamental principles as your daily grind… She just words them a little differently.  (BTW, these are real tips that I learned from real strippers.  I did not make them up)

Don’t Eat the Free Food in the Back

I don’t know about you, but I absolutely hate the cheap, disgusting food that most companies provides to their employees to lure them into all those boring meetings.  But even worse, I often wonder if everybody washed their hands before sticking them in the communal bowl of M&Ms or “fresh” biscuits.  This is a particularly sticky situation for a stripper.  The smart ones bring their own lollipops or licorice ropes and never, ever, EVER eat food left out at the club. (eeewwww!)

Watch Out for Flying Shoes

Look, it happens.  Newbie strippers love to wear 7 inch platform heels without an ankle strap… and sometimes, if you point your toe just right, it’ll fly off and smack somebody in the face.  Sometimes it even happens accidentally on purpose (ie don’t piss off a stripper).  So, just like you, strippers learn from the stupid shit their coworkers do in front of the customers and the boss… and don’t repeat those mistakes. Because when you piss off the customer, you don’t get tips.  Of course, the whole club will laugh their ass off.  But I promise, it seriously hurts to remove a spike heel from your forehead.

Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment.” ~LaoTzu

(PS – as a pole dancer you already know that you should always dance in shoes with ankle straps right? Oh good!)

Always Tip the Bouncer

If you want to stay healthy then you need good health insurance, and you’re going to have to pay for it. The Bouncer is the closest thing a stripper has to a health plan and she knows it’s important to keep him happy.  A smart stripper makes sure that the Bouncer is her BFF, so he’ll work hard to keep her safe.  When you don’t tip your bouncer, you’ll still get health coverage, but it’s usually slow, inefficient, and you’ll end up having to kick someones ass with your platform shoes (see tip above).

Avoid the Two for One Discount

At least once a night, almost every strip club has a two for one special.  That means if a customer buys one lapdance, he gets a second one for free. (A blue light special in the red light district?) However, what you may not realize is when a real stripper hears the DJ make this announcement, she instantly decides to take a break.  She believes in her skills and knows that her expertise are valuable (just like your KICK-ASS skills as an engineer, HR manager, or soccer mom). So unless she’s got a guy who’s going to buy three or more dances and doesn’t smell like he was dipped in cheap tequila, this just isn’t worth her time.

Put On an Original Show

The fastest way to get your ass kicked by a gang of angry strippers is to steal everybody else’s pole & exotic dance tricks.  Imitation is not flattery in a strip club, it’s just plain stupid. Every real stripper knows that she is one of a kind, just like you. Her regular customers show up to see her signature moves and new customers will pick her out from all the other dancers because her performance is original.  She builds her business and her social interactions by the creative use of her strengths, whether they are her spinning helicopter, her ass, or her witty repartee.

When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” ~LaoTzu

If You Don’t Like Stripping, Get the Fuck Off the Stage

Stripping isn’t for everybody.  It takes a special kind of woman to get up on a pole, dance in front of strangers, and convince them to throw money at her.  It doesn’t mean she’s an exhibitionist (I’ve met plenty of strippers that are really very shy).  It doesn’t mean she’s dumb (think of how much a marketing executive gets paid to network with clients using only his communication skills).  And it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have dreams for her future (serious strippers work 5 days a week to pay for college or start their own business).

But, like any other successful woman, a real stripper knows that if she doesn’t enjoy at least some parts of her job, then she’ll just end up sabotaging her own success. She continuously challenges herself to improve her dancing skills, make an extra hundred bucks, or even win exotic dance competitions.  And she looks damn sexy doing it!

At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.” ~LaoTzu

I’m not saying we should all go out and be strippers (because this would seriously piss them off and I don’t need to be stripper whipped with a pair of red thigh high boots).  I’m saying that real strippers have a wisdom of their own.

So, the next time you visit a strip club, pay your respects, and remember to tip your dancer!

How do you connect with the history of exotic dance? Do you think dancing can be zen? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!

Quiver, mantrap, rosebud, jewel, cake, snatch, artichoke, venus mound, sugar basin, clamshell.

How many ways are there to describe the female sex organs? Literally hundreds! I have a whole book filled with awesome dirty words and I promise not to repeat the same one twice.

But why do we feel it’s necessary to hide behind innuendo and misdirection when all we are really trying to say is vagina, labia, clitoris, and vulva.  Shit, I use these words so infrequently that I actually had to look up the correct spelling.  Why does our current culture still pretend that woman are Barbie dolls with big boobs, no hips, and a smooth crease of absolutely nothing between our legs?

I think it’s my fault.

Seriously….I take responsibility for this.

In my past, I have encouraged men to think of my nooky as a snapping turtle that only a highly trained (and well paid) anthropologist is ever going to get near enough to identify.  I perpetrated the falsehood that my hoochie was an illusive and possibly imaginary beast, separate from me, running wild and free in the background of some tampon commercial. But I can assure you, MY YUM YUM IS NOT A SOFT WHITE BUNNY bounding through endless fields of lush green grass swaying in the gentle breeze, under a soothing blue sky!

Then to add insult to this injury, I bought into the falsehood that I needed to retrain this unicorn (read as shy, horny beast) into a flaming POWER PUSSY!

Able to climb tall poles! Soar through the air! And blind men with my pure sexuality!

While still retaining that ridiculous separation between my real self and the sexy stripper minx that could only emerge from my honeypot when I stood next to a pole.  What kind of secret identity is that?!

Knock. Knock. Hello? It’s reality at the door and she wants her money back.

If you really believe that you and your yoni are separate but equal, do yourself a favor and stop drinking the Kool aide. Your diddle is not a carnival that only comes in to town when the moon is full. It’s always with you and more importantly, it’s a part of you. It’s not a disembodied piece of flesh floating around in space.  You decide whether it gathers dust on a shelf or has three shows nightly.  And you don’t need a pole to put on a show… or to express your inherent sensuality.

In fact, you don’t need to do anything at all.  SURPRISE! If you are a real woman (and since you’ve read this far, I’m willing to bet that you are) then trying to hide your feminine sexuality is a complete waste of time. You can’t have a gold encrusted phantom penis no matter how hard you try to grow one.  You’re not fooling anyone and it’s kind of painful to watch.  So STOP!

Remember, Barbie dolls and their unmarked plastic crotches are for make believe. Plus, they already sell fleshlights online, so don’t bother trying to hide your sexuality in your pocket. It’s just going to wriggle out at the worst (or best) possible moment anyway.

Embody and enjoy your feminine power. Share you understanding and compassion with your sisters and friends. Teach the men in your life and in “polite” society  that your beautiful shiny box is nothing to be afraid of.  It’s where we keep all the fun stuff.

One in the hand is worth two in the bush OR Get your mind out of the gutter, it’s blocking my view.

Whats your favorite slang word for alpha and omega? How do you integrate your sexuality into your personality? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!

Sensuality is an Art

Sensuality can take the word FUCK and transform it into an exploration of life between two connected people. (not to mention the grand finale of orgasms)

The greatest Sensual power is to share your unique experiences with an open heart, a conscious mind, and a gentle hand.

You hold the answer to every mystery and the key is in your hand…. All you have to do is feel it.

How do you experience Sensuality in your life? Do you control Sensuality or does it control you? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!

Where can you find a celebration of sexual culture and the best people watching in LA?  At one of the largest consumer erotic shows in the US, the 13th annual EroticaLA. (PS, every link in this article is PG-13 PERIOD, but you’re on your own after that.) With an expected turn out of over 40,000 men and women, Erotica LA is getting ready for a three day conference, June 12-14,  that attendees have described as seductive, classy, and inspirational.

EroticaLA is an erotica convention (not hard core porn).  That means it’s more like an adult candy store *wink* with naughty shopping, colorful exhibits, and awesome How-To seminars. Plus, they’ve got some of the hottest burlesque shows and the sexiest people in the Los Angeles area.  Every booth and showcase is designed to tantalize and tease with tons of sex appeal but absolutely no live nudity.  The convention itself is extremely female friendly, since over 35% of attendees are woman and 67% of ticket holders attend with friends or as part of a couple.

Sexy Shows

Before you head out to the Los Angeles Convention center, make sure and check the EroticaLA show schedule and plan your day around the sexy showcases.  My absolute favorites from previous years were The Hollywood Men stage show, the Screaming O contest, and the Devil’s Playground Burlesque show.  And this year’s 4th annual FAME (Fans of Adult Media & Entertainment) Awards looks to be a scorcher with nominees such as Jenna Haze, Bella Donna, and Tera Patrick.  Plus, you can still add in your FAME vote!

A highly anticipated new addition to the lineup is the Miss EroticaLA Pageant.  One lucky lady will be chosen from 12 finalists and crowned on Saturday.  The winner will receive multiple exclusive film and photography sessions as well as public representation by Rising Star.  Plus, she’ll be on the cover of AVN Magazine. Ooh La La!

How To  $@(&!  Seminars

Don’t forget to check out a couple of the special seminars put on by The Pleasure Chest and others awesome Sexperts.  My absolute must-see seminar is the “Porn Stars Reveal: Sex Tips, Tricks and Bloopers” on Friday at 9:30pm and an interview on sex play tips and tricks with Nina Hartley, a registered nurse and adult film star.

Many of these seminars are R-rated adult material, so don’t be surprised if they get “down and dirty.” Besides, you aren’t going to EroticaLA for another Vanilla weekend are you? *wink*  I’m certainly not.

Naughty Shopping & Sensational Exhibits

Once you’ve figured out your showcase highlights, don’t forget to wander through the Blissful shopping opportunities.  You’ll find Henna tattoo artists next to sex toy exhibits and some awesome Pole Dancing studios ( to the LA PoleDancers!).

Luckily, EroticaLA has two shopping areas so you don’t have to see anything you don’t want to.

The Sensual Zone, usually on the right side of the entrance, is for those that want to just shop for sexy clothes, fun makeup ideas, and entertaining novelties. The X Zone, on the left side of the entrance, is for those that want to buy recently released adult videos, chat with porn stars (fully clothed of course), and check out some awesome people watching at local LA fetish clubs booths.  Just be forewarned, the X Zone always has what I’ve come to call “the huge house of porn,” so pick your pleasure wisely.  *wink*

Special Contests for Pole Dancers

In previous years, many well known dance pole manufacturers have created danceable exhibits and contests for pole dancers.  I’ve won some lovely prizes and tested some of the next generation, new and improved professional poles.  Plus, plenty of exotic, burlesque, and pole dance studios from the Los Angeles and Southern California area show up to advertise great classes, put on special workshops, and just have fun. 

If you are a new student looking to enhance your current training or an instructor looking to network, EroticaLA is the convention for you!

Tickets, Erotica Bucks, and Discounts… Oh My!

So, here’s the nitty gritty for tickets. All tickets are available through the EroticaLA website and TicketWeb. Every ticket comes with $5 Erotica Bucks, valid at any vendor at the conference (so if you get the 3 day pass, you’ll get $15 free bucks to spend) and if you twitter, you can get a special $5 off your EroticaLA tickets.

I always buy the EroticaLA VIP 3-day pass because I get to meet everybody on Friday, check out the awesome showcases on Saturday, and get the best shopping deals on Sunday.  However, if you can only go for one day, pick Saturday.  It has the best shows, the best seminars, and plenty of phenomenal people watching and pole dancing fun!  With EroticaLA, you just can’t go wrong.

Will I see you there?  ExpressTheSensual.com will have a tweetup on Saturday, June 13 at 12pm (noon)! Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to ExpressTheSensual.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!